Forward-Deployed Fathers

YOKOSUKA, KANAGAWA, JAPAN

06.21.2021

Story by Petty Officer 2nd Class Cameron Edy    

USS RONALD REAGAN (CVN 76)   

Father’s Day - Across 7th Fleet, fathers celebrate the unique nature of their household, and the growth that comes from their exceptional circumstances.

When a wall of water 133-feet high hit the coast, triggering the meltdowns of three nuclear reactors and beginning one of the worst disasters in Japan’s recent history, 7th Fleet responded immediately. Sailors across Japan deployed, and for those with family, like Quartermaster 1st Class Matthew Lenerville, it meant deploying while his household prepared to evacuate.

“When the earthquake and tsunami struck Fukushima, I went from being at home with my family to throwing my life in a bag and preparing to immediately get underway,” said Lenerville. “For my family, it was complete chaos. I’m up north helping with the humanitarian effort, while my wife and newborn child, our first child, are being evacuated from Japan. Luckily, they had the full support of the military during the evacuation. But it was definitely a scary time.”

Lenerville, now stationed on the Navy’s only forward-deployed aircraft carrier USS Ronald Reagan (CVN 76), experienced an extreme example of what Navy parents go through every day – raising their children while sworn to respond to disaster or threat, often expected to put the nation’s needs first. This unique challenge is just one example of why the life of a military child is far different than their civilian peers.

Lenerville never expected to be a father. He joined single, met his wife in the service, and planned on dedicating all his energy to his career. Becoming a father not only changed his life in the present, but shifted the way he saw his future.

“Everything changed once I saw my baby,” said Lenerville. “I went from a junior Sailor, a Petty Officer Second Class, to a father with new responsibilities. My life suddenly revolved around [my daughter] Amira, and how I was going to raise her.”

Lenerville’s family has mostly stayed in Japan throughout his career. His kids have gone to school and lived in Yokosuka and Sasebo for the last seven years. During that time, he’s learned to separate work and home, describing time with his family as “flipping a switch,” turning the leading petty officer persona off and devoting himself to his wife and children.
Another father, Intelligence Specialist 1st Class Joshua Messier, knew he’d be a father long before his first child.

“I knew I wanted kids, it was just a matter of when my wife wanted them,” said Messier. “And two years ago when we had Issac, my first, we had to decide how we were going to raise him when I went to sea.”

Messier emphasized his job as a father did not end after leaving the waterfront. He planned exactly how it would go. He knew the values he wanted to instill in his child and the character he wanted to cultivate.

“[The Navy] instills a set of values in those around it that you wouldn’t get otherwise,” said Messier. “I want my kid to have the same work ethic, motivation, and commitment that I do.”

Lenerville realizes the Navy has impacted the way he fathers his child and is thankful for it.

“The basic leadership skills I learned in the Navy definitely come into play,” said Lenerville. “Holding them accountable, teaching them, and cultivating their attitudes, all translate to parenthood. I also see the difference from my kids and the people back home – people being disrespectful, the lack of patience – here is just a complete difference from military personnel. I’m glad the Navy has taught me so much, and that I can pass that on to my kids.”

Regardless of the planning and preparation, Navy parents have unique challenges – deploying being first among them.

“I love my kids to the end of the earth,” said Lenerville. “And every year I get closer to them, we do more and more as they get older, and then I have to go. It hurts. It really, really hurts.”

It affects the child, too.

“My kids sometimes ask me why I have to go,” said Lenerville. “When they were younger, and even now, we had to sit them down and explain it to them. My wife will say, ‘your father has to go underway on a ship now. It’s going to be tough, we won’t see him for a while, but it’ll be OK.’ And they’ll get really sad, and start to cry a little, and that hurts. Honestly, it hurts a lot. But we comfort them, explain the fun they’ll have with mom, the travel they’ll get to do, and just try to help them cope as much as possible.”

Messier echoed this sentiment. His child is two and his recent deployments have not affected Issac much. However, he worries more as his son gets older.

“My last deployment was more painful for me than it was for him,” said Messier. “He wasn’t old enough to understand that daddy’s going away. This deployment is going to be just as difficult for me, but I think it’s going to impact him this time. He’s getting to that point where he’s going, ‘where’s Dad?’ That scares me a little.”

The obstacles do not stop at the departure and aren’t overcome by the return. Reintegrating back into the family can be just as difficult.

“Coming back, you have to get to know each other again,” said Messier. “They’ve grown up. Your wife has grown. Neither is the same as when you left. My son started talking while I was gone. He went from babbling to saying words and I came back asking myself, ‘when did this happen?’”

Lenerville agreed, and added how his kids change every time he leaves.

“They have new interests,” he said. “Games they loved, they now hate. They play different sports. Things change. You have to relearn what they like to reestablish that bond. Most of it is forcing yourself to get involved, to talk to them, to reengage.”

But as painful as those challenges may be, being a military parent comes with unique rewards.

“It could be easier,” said Messier. “But at the same time, it would be less worthwhile. Personally, I wouldn’t change a thing. Sometimes I’ll ask myself if my kids are better off with a military parent, and honestly, most of it comes down to the individual parents. But I think my child has a better chance in life because of the environment we’re raising him – being raised in and around other military families. He’s going to have that very close knit dynamic, knowing and trusting our neighbors, going to command picnics, there’s going to be other kids and other families with similar experiences and it’s almost like one big family.”

Lenerville agreed, and emphasized how working overseas has been a valuable experience for his children.

“When I go underway, my kids will travel and meet me at some of the ports,” said Lenerville. “On a recent deployment, they traveled to meet me in Vietnam. That port call was canceled, but my family had a terrific vacation. They all went to Vietnam, Thailand, and Cambodia. They had more port visits than I did that cruise.”

The Lenerville family’s return to Japan wasn’t just an extended vacation. It required work from every member of the family.

“My oldest, she’s 10, helps with the chores, mows the lawn, takes care of the baby and supports my wife whenever she needs to,” said Lenerville. “She takes on whatever role she needs to when I’m gone.”

Lenerville believes being raised overseas and visiting family and friends in the U.S. changes the way a child looks at the world.

“My kids have a better awareness of the world because of it,” he said. “I’ll tell them why we’re out here, the purpose behind my job, and how they support it. They’ve become conscious of how much of a difference we can make outside of our town or even our country.”

Military Brat – IS1 Messier
“I grew up in a dual-military house. My mom was a Chief Aviation Administrationman retiring at 22 years of service, my dad was an Intelligence Specialist 1st Class – the same job that I have. They met in Pensacola, Florida, and stayed in the Norfolk, Virginia area for 90 percent of their career. With dual-military parents, one of them was always at sea while the other was on shore. If they deployed at the same time, my brother and I went and stayed with our grandparents, but the possibility of one of them being gone made me grow up very fast, especially with a younger sibling. I was the second parent – if mom deploys, I become mom. When dad deploys, I’m dad. I learned how to cook, clean, sew clothes, mow the lawn, everything that a child should learn, but I had to learn them very quickly. You are the second parent half the time because you have to be.

The most relevant example I can give is the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. My teachers turned on the television about five seconds before the second plane hit. I get home around noon, and my parents’ room looks like a tornado hit. I get a call from my dad around three o’clock saying, ‘I’m not coming home tonight, and your mom has just deployed.’ My neighbors check in, and he tells me not to burn down the house and make sure my brother eats. But we were fine because in a military house you have to grow up fast and grow up strong.

I always had what I needed, I had most of what I wanted – never lacked for anything, except maybe parental attention, but when they were home they made up for it. I love my parents, I still have a great relationship with them. My second child is due September 25th this year, and while my parents did the best they could, I’m going to do even better for mine.”

Naval Christening
In history, bells were often used by religious organizations to indicate divine services, or call attention to rituals. This passed into naval history, with the British Royal Navy using the bell for baptisms, sometimes even filling the bell with water and using it as a christening bowl. Often the child’s name will be inscribed within the bell, enshrining the moment in the ship’s history – the ceremony is often considered good luck for the ship, and is a symbolic moment for the parent.

“I love ‘Navy Tradition,’” said Lenerville. “My wife, my mom and dad, the base chaplain, my friends, the captain, and some of the chiefs and crew came aboard the USS Cowpens (CG 63) for the baptism – the first one done on the ship in years. They grabbed the ship’s bell, turned it over, and filled the bell with water – and then the chaplain began the ceremony, turning my ship’s bell into a baptismal font. He sprinkled the water onto my daughter, and welcomed her into Christianity.”

So far, I’ve baptized three of my kids on Navy ships – my first on the Cowpens, my second on USS Bonhomme Richard (LHD 6), my third on Ronald Reagan, with plans to baptize my fourth on a battleship in the states. All three have their name inscribed inside the ships’ bells. And I love that I’m leaving a big piece of my family’s history on every ship I’ve served on. We’re a military family, a Navy family, and that’s why sharing this part of my life with my family, and vice versa, was so important to me.

• Date Taken: 06.21.2021
• Date Posted: 12.22.2021 23:28
• Story ID: 411830
• Location: YOKOSUKA, KANAGAWA, JP