Family stays strong through loss

FAYETTEVILLE, NORTH CAROLINA, UNITED STATES

03.22.2010

Story by Pfc. Eric Guzman 

27th Public Affairs Detachment

Teresa Priestner stands in front of a small crowd of widowed military families at the ribbon cutting of Ft. Bragg's Survivor Outreach Service building Jan. 3, quickly delivering sentiments of loss and a few words of encouragement to the modest group with an eerie coolness of mind.

Nearly four years ago Teresa's husband Chief Warrant Officer 4 John Priestner was killed in a helicopter crash.

Today from behind her lectern, Priestner conveys messages of hope and companionship to all those in attendance who're suffering similar losses, hoping to bring together the small network of men, women and children in need of a place to reflect. She wants to make sure they know they're not alone.

"We have a place where we can come to get the answers we need, the support we need, and most of all, support from each other," said Priestner. "My story is already written. I'm here like all the other widows to help the ones that follow. It's not about us anymore; it's about the ones to come."

Being a widow herself, Priestner is involved in SOS as a leader and participant. After her remarks end, she makes her way to the SOS building with newer widows to place a picture of her husband on the wall in the Hall of Heroes commemorating her loss and honoring his memory.

Priestner is no stranger to these sorts of events. An advocate for military widows and widowers, she is adamant about helping families find their way through the pains she once suffered and is still coping with to an extent.

"To be a widow- It's not something that is easily described; we did not ask for this change in our lives, it is just how it has to be. It cannot be changed no matter what," said Priestner. "There are still days I cannot wrap my mind around it even three years later," she continued, "but that's how horrible it is trying to describe how we feel and how we live our lives. It's like trying to describe how water tastes."

Her home, draped in patriotic adornment throughout, has become a noticeably visible memorial to her husband and a visual testament to how her family is coping with her husband's death.

A plaque reading "Team Priestner" stands near several pictures of her and her husband with their daughters Bre and Meg. Pictures of John stand ubiquitous throughout the house, at least one per wall and usually several to a room.

"This is normal for widows," said Teresa. "They understand this."

The family pets Star and Captain roam the house, still giddily responding to "Where's Daddy?" coos from Teresa when called upon. Everyone in the Priestner household was affected by John's death.

Both daughters were hit especially hard by when they received the news, each fighting through bouts of despair soon after.

"I pulled away from everything because I didn't want to face that I lost my dad. I went into a severe depression; I couldn't handle it, I couldn't handle losing him. It's not like losing a pair of shoes or something," said Meg. "It's actually losing a part of your life."

Even through the incredible loss and pain the Priestner family suffered after John's death, they remained strong through their respective grieving periods and eventually came to terms with the situation.

Bre, now 18, has pushed on to become a beacon of hope to other teens who are trying to find their way through the same struggle she knows all too well. Bre like her mother before her, finds helping others to be cathartic and hopes to inspire people through writing and providing them counseling.

"Bre and I go to South Carolina to talk to the new graduates from the Chaplain's School and we're involved with the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors and the Gold Star wives," said Teresa.

Meg, 12, has grown to accept her loss but still feels the pains of her father's absence at times.

"It was very hard for me at school. I see Soldiers coming through and surprising their daughters or sons in the hallway and I see them hugging and everything and that just breaks my heart," Meg said. "I'm just upset that I'll never see my dad again. I'm not mad at them, it just hurts me that he's not going to be at my wedding, he's not going to be at any of my proms, and he is going to miss all these birthdays and everybody's life. It breaks my heart."

Meg now uses schoolwork to push through John's passing, satisfying her father's wishes by using her studies to make him proud.

"I get through this by remembering what my dad wanted for us. He wanted to be proud of me," said Meg. "I haven't worked this hard in school in a very long time. I know my dad is proud of me, and that's what I love. I lost a big part of my life, yes, but I still have an amazing mom and an amazing sister and I couldn't ask for anything more."

Teresa, still somewhat coming to grips with the loss of her husband of nearly 20 years, uses her experience with loss to help others.

"Personally, I am like a mentor, I help the younger widows. I help, I listen, I'm a supporter. I got that from my friends, and I just want that for them too. Being there for other widows is what we do at SOS," said Teresa.

Even through the incredible loss and the pains they've suffered in effect of John's passing, the Priestner family has learned to cope with their loss and have in turn become an inspiration to those in search of a life beyond mourning.

For more information about programs for survivors, please call [phone].

• Date Taken: 03.22.2010
• Date Posted: 03.22.2010 11:41
• Story ID: 47013
• Location: FAYETTEVILLE, NORTH CAROLINA, US