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Shortly after the turn of the New Year, the party hats and noisemakers are replaced on store shelves by pink hearts and boxes of chocolates as Valentine’s Day approaches. The holiday can be a fun one, especially for couples that include a military member. With the busy schedules and separations many Army families experience throughout their careers, a holiday like Valentine's Day gives them a chance to reflect on the sacrifices they make for our country and each other.
Is the military lifestyle stressful? Sure it is, but our Army Reserve Family is full of incredible couples that make their marriages work through the separations and hardships. How do they do it? Well, let’s ask them.
U.S. Army Reserve Col. Paul and Cathy Tieszen met in 2010 and were married on St. Patrick’s Day in the spring of 2013. Three short months after they started dating, their relationship was tested as Paul was deployed to Iraq. Today they find themselves in a similar situation as Paul serves in Afghanistan with the 90th Sustainment Brigade, but this strong couple makes it work.
The Tieszens hate being apart because they really enjoy each other’s company. They said it’s so tough because they do everything together.
“We are not only in love with each other,” said Paul, “but are best friends.”
Paul says it is hard to be away from his favorite person in the world, especially around holidays, but they work hard to keep it special. He said they have to prioritize staying connected and acknowledge special days. Cathy agrees, sharing that their relationship is #1 on her list.
“We focus on what is important,” agreed Cathy. “Things and fancy places are not important to us. We really work hard to make sure each other feels special.”
The Tiezens feel supporting Soldiers and Army families is a top priority. When he is not in uniform, Paul works for the U.S. Army Reserve in a civilian capacity, as the suicide prevention program manager for the 103rd Sustainment Command in Des Moines, Iowa. Cathy makes T.V. appearances on CW Iowa, doing segments to help military families struggling through a number of challenges.
“I try and help others with being married to the military and help the public get a better understanding of our Soldiers and the sacrifices on both sides,” said Cathy. “The more we understand, the better we can support our men and women who serve.”
As a couple, Paul and Cathy recognize they both experience different kinds of stress and challenges while separated. This acknowledgement, followed by the support they give each other, gets them through.
“We do not compare or contrast with each other,” Paul shared. “Stress is stress. Acknowledge the other person's feelings and struggles, and support them with positive affirmations. If you both give 100% then all your needs will be met.”
And just as you would imagine, Cathy agrees. She says it is important to have mutual respect for each other and what you are going through together and individually.
“Don't ever compare your sacrifices,” said Cathy. “Paul makes sure I understand what is going on, as much as he can, so I never feel I am being left out of the decisions. He knows that the healthier our relationship is, the better I can support him and vice a versa.”
Another example of a strong couple that makes their relationship work, is U.S. Army Reserve 1st Sgt. Jennifer Villegas and her wife Rose. They have been together for six years, married for the last four, and met in high school where they played sports together.
“We were on the same high school basketball team, although neither of us were necessarily fond of one another at the time,” laughed Jen. “Obviously that's changed.”
Rose doesn’t look at the military as a negative influence on their relationship, she accepts it as the lifestyle she chose to marry into. She acknowledges it can take some additional sacrifices, but she is good with that.
“I never look at it as if I’m putting up with the military in my life,” said Rose. “If you are supportive and willing to make the sacrifice of having your family apart at times, it will work. It makes me proud that she serves our Country.”
Rose recognizes how much Jen cares for Soldiers and, even when it’s difficult, gives her the time and space to do her job to the best of her ability. When she isn’t performing her duties as a 1st Sgt., Jen is the equal opportunity specialist for the 4th Sustainment Command (Expeditionary) in San Antonio, Texas.
“Rose sees the passion I have for the Soldiers I get to work with,” said Jen. “I also constantly let her know I understand the sacrifice she goes through and am extremely grateful for her support, even when it's inconvenient.”
When together or apart, the couple knows that communication is the key to their success. To stay connected with each other and their two young daughters, they rely on technology so they can talk no matter where they are.
“We stay connected by constantly trying to keep a line of communication open,” said Rose. “FaceTime is important for us to see one another, and to allow her and our girls do the same.”
This open communication strengthens their relationship. Jen and Rose look at any challenge as just another part of being a family, choosing to focus on getting through it and coming out stronger on the other side.
“Married life is married life. There's always going to be work-related issues, whether it's in the military or not,” Jen shares, “but being there for one another, supporting each other, and practicing 'family comes first' are essential for us to remain happy.”
Our last couple is U.S. Army Reserve Master Sgt. Harrysca Martinez and her husband Mario, who previously served in the Army Reserve before leaving the service to enter the nursing field. The couple met 13 years ago when they serendipitously attended a few military courses together, leading to their marriage three years later.
Like many couples, these two struggled through many different separations throughout their relationship and said it can get bumpy.
“Over the past 13 years, we've been separated during 2 deployments, more training missions than I can count, plus a brief period where my wife made a military move to New York while I was still attending nursing school in Texas,” Mario shared. “I'd say we’ve been apart a total of three and a half years.”
Mario says the toughest part for him is the family’s tight schedule. With his job, Harrysca’s military requirements, plus three kids with school and activities, things can get a little crazy, but he takes these challenges and turns them into a strength.
“My wife's mornings start at 4:00 am. She often doesn't get home until late which usually means I have to race to pick up the kids and take them to their activities,” Mario said. “It can be a nightmare sometimes, but it has also made me a better, more engaged, hands-on dad.”
When she sees everything her husband does, Harrysca can’t help but be impressed and grateful. She likes to joke about how impressed her family is with Mario’s “dad skills.”
“My sisters envy the fact that my husband can take care of the kids by himself, because neither of their husbands can...or at least they don't trust them to do it alone,” said Harrysca, laughing. “I probably don't tell him enough, but he's gotten really good at it over the years.”
To keep their relationship strong, Mario and Harrysca set aside time just for them. They shared that when they first became parents, they were so focused on the children that they let their relationship slip, but recognizing that, they made changes to focus on each other.
“Date night is a must!” Harrysca said. “We make sure we get out alone at least once a month and spend time together outside of our mommy and daddy roles.”
In addition to their special time together, they take all the military challenges thrown their way and make them fun for the whole family. They said you can either be sad, thinking about moving away from an old place, or you can be excited about moving to a new one, it's a choice.
“It can be difficult, but we try to approach everything as an adventure,” said Mario. “We turn every move into a road trip. This helps us to keep things exciting at each location and distracts us from the fact that we're so far away from family and in an unfamiliar city.”
When asked if these challenges are worth it, the couple said, “Absolutely!” without hesitation.
“There are certainly challenges to the military lifestyle, but the pros definitely outweigh the cons,” said Harrysca. “We take deep pride in serving our country and teaching our children about the value in serving for the greater good.”
Three amazing couples with incredible families. They are dedicated to each other, the Army Reserve and our Nation. The road might be rough at times, with hardships and separations, but with a positive attitude and a commitment to each other, every military family can face any challenge and come out stronger. Happy Valentine’s Day!
| Date Taken: | 02.13.2019 |
| Date Posted: | 02.13.2019 13:36 |
| Story ID: | 310564 |
| Location: | SAN ANTONIO, TX, US |
| Web Views: | 437 |
| Downloads: | 0 |
This work, Making a military marriage work: 3 couples' stories, by LTC Brandon Mace, identified by DVIDS, must comply with the restrictions shown on https://www.dvidshub.net/about/copyright.
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