You hurt, but your kids may hurt more: Soldier gives thoughts on family matters

03.01.2007

Story by Sgt. 1st Class Terrence Hayes 

28th Public Affairs Detachment

Sgt. 1st Class Terrence L. Hayes
28th PAD Detachment

"Daddy, where are you?" That's become a familiar question.

Deployments affect many troops in different ways. Some may suffer depression of being away from loved ones, while others may suffer fear of going outside the wire on daily missions. No matter what way deployment affects you, it probably affects your children the most.

I knew being away would affect my 2-year-old daughter, but I didn't know how so. "Daddy, come get me," she always tells me when I speak to her. But, honestly, how should I respond? I hurt every time she asks these questions, but then I think how much she could be hurting knowing that something is different with our relationship.

No longer do I have "Dora the Explorer" afternoons or "Bratz" dolls playtime with her. Now I'm in a set routine of exercise, work, fellowship with friends and sleep. And I actually feel like the depressed one at times.

On the flip-side, she continues her routine without me – wishing that I'd walk through the door like I always do and hug her and join in her "daddy time." Who's actually the one hurting more?

Each time I speak to my wife she tells me how much Nailah has grown – and I don't mean in height and weight. She's maturing her spirit or as Big Mamma calls it, "she has an old soul."

I once was the relief pitcher, as I like to call it at home. My wife would be the starter and then I would come home at the bottom of eighth inning and close out my daughter's day. Now, my wife has to pitch the entire game and my daughter is getting agitated. I guess it's normal for her to feel that way, but sometimes I wonder -- "what is she thinking?"

A year is short for us when you put it in perspective. A year for a toddler is forever in their eyes.

"Daddy, do you want to watch Dora?" she asked me yesterday. Instead of saying I can't, now I say yes and then she places the phone to the TV like I can see it. That's the beauty of children.

So, next time you feel down and out of it from "the me against the world syndrome," think about your son or daughter back home who feels like they lost their best friend the day you left. Pick up your troubles, work harder and reflect on those days ahead with your kids. Your troubles and pains will seem small and you'll understand that they feel the same pain – nothing that a mother or father's love can't cure.

• Date Taken: 03.01.2007
• Date Posted: 03.01.2007 07:45
• Story ID: 9286