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CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. - Army Maj. Gen. Mark Graham, commander of Division West and U.S. Army Base Fort Carson, Company, and his wife, Carol, travel the nation and visit various colleges, military bases and stations to spread the vital word about suicide. The duo used their own somber, moving story of having lost their own son to suicide in 2003, to press the matter: suicide is an illness.
To educate unit leaders, troops and other personnel about suicide, Graham and his wife recently visited troops aboard Marine Corps Base Camp Lejeune for a Suicide Prevention and Awareness presentation at the base theatre, Aug. 1.
Nine years ago, then-Col. Graham was an executive officer to the senior U.S. commander in South Korea. Their three children shared an apartment at the University of Kentucky, where Kevin and his older brother Jeffery were both ROTC cadets.
At UK, Kevin did exceedingly well as a cadet and was even in command of others as a leader. According to others who participated in the ROTC with him, Kevin seemed destined for a successful military career.
However, Graham and his wife believe the program’s workload and pressure had adverse affects on Kevin, who was eventually diagnosed with depression and prescribed Prozac. Graham said he encouraged his son to take a break from the ROTC program and even offered to pay back his scholarship but Kevin didn’t want to quit.
Jeff graduated from UK that summer and was commissioned as an Army lieutenant.
On June 21, 2003, Kevin made plans to play a few rounds of golf with his brother, but he failed to show up. Their sister looked for him, but was too late. She found Kevin hanging from a ceiling fan in his bedroom.
“On June 21, 2003, we lost our son Kevin to suicide,” said Graham. “Kevin was a senior army ROTC cadet studying to be an Army doctor. He was a scholarship student battling depression who stopped taking his medication because he didn’t want the Army to know of his illness. When Kevin died, we blamed ourselves for not recognizing the warning signs that Kevin’s depression was truly a medical illness and not just a sad feeling.”
Graham said that since their boys were little, he and his wife Carol had discussed alcohol, drugs, sex and even strangers – just about anything to keep them safe and healthy.
“Our ignorance in thinking that all it took to fight depression was a prayer, a proper diet exercise and a good night’s sleep kept us from getting our son Kevin the best medical care he needed.”
After Kevin’s death, Graham and his wife primarily focused on raising awareness to the dangers of untreated depression and started suicide prevention programs on college campuses.
Graham added that the mission was to make something good come out of the passing of their son Kevin.
Months later, Jeff deployed to Iraq on Nov. 15, Kevin’s birthday. On Feb. 19, 2004, Jeff was leading a foot patrol in Khaldiyah, a volatile city near the insurgent stronghold of Fallujah, according to the family and military records. He spotted something suspicious attached to the guardrail of a nearby bridge and stopped the formation. Before he could radio back to the remainder of the unit, the bomb detonated killing Jeff, 24, and another soldier in the patrol, Army Spc. Roger Ling, 20.
Jeff had carried his brother's driver's license with him on every patrol in Iraq. The Army found the license on his body and returned it to the Grahams, who cherish it as a reminder of the bond between their two boys.
At the same time, the family began to notice how the two deaths were treated differently both by the military and by friends. Parents of children killed in combat receive a gold star, for example, and are often invited as a group to meet with the president or other dignitaries. There’s no equivalent for suicides.
Carol said that when their son Jeff died, they kept hearing how heroic he was. She always thought to herself how she had two amazing sons, not just one.
“When I look out into the crowd, I feel like all of you are my children – all of you are Kevin and Jeffery,” said Carol. “After multiple deployments, post-traumatic stress disorder and even mild traumatic brain injuries can wreak havoc on the human brain. I just honor all of you and I thank you. We just want to be used as some sort of vessel to instill the message that depression is real. You can be more than sad and it can become an illness.”
Carol added that her son’s death isn’t her first involvement with suicide. She used to be a high school guidance counselor.
“As a counselor, I was worried about ‘at risk’ kids,” said Carol. “I didn’t think one of the Graham kids would be at risk. I had a lot to learn and life has humbled me so much. I didn’t know that suicide was the second leading cause of death in college aged adults. When you think about it, the majority of you in this room are 18 to 24 years old. You’re all at risk, life can overwhelm anyone of us.”
Dr. Thomas Joiner, an academic psychologist and leading expert on suicide is someone Carol had never heard of before she lost her sons. Joiner published two books titled ‘Why People Die by Suicide’ and ‘Myths about Suicide.’
“He has a theory and the first time I heard him speak about suicide, it made more sense to me than ever,” said Carol. “He believes three things have to happen before a person can finally reach that point that death seems more alluring than life.”
One is a perceived burden sickness, where a person feels like everyone would be better off without them. Another is thwarted belongingness. The third, which service members typically already have due to the nature of the military lifestyle, is having a desensitization of pain, lethality and death. Carol added that violent video games and movies have a big role in this as well.
“In video games, if you die, you can get another life and start over,” said Carol. “In real life, it doesn’t work that way. Until we figure out how to build a time machine, all we can do is use what happened to try and move forward. Everyone in here has a story and everyone knows someone who has a story. We just have to have people that we can talk to and find support.”
| Date Taken: | 08.01.2011 |
| Date Posted: | 09.09.2011 10:31 |
| Story ID: | 76744 |
| Location: | CAMP LEJEUNE, NORTH CAROLINA, US |
| Web Views: | 51 |
| Downloads: | 0 |
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