Photo By Jean Graves | Courtesy Photo: Rickie Smith, Vernon Parish School Board and High Octane Photography,...... read more read more
FORT POLK, La. — As moms and dads, we have the amazing opportunity to raise children. We have an obligation to provide a safe a secure environment for them. We house them, feed them, and try our best to teach them to be successful and productive members of society. We love them and nurture them and help them become the best humans they can be. It’s our job to give them a moral compass, to make good choices and to do what is right.
Over the years, as we’ve maneuvered through some of life’s challenges, I would joke with my son that he didn’t come with a manual. I admit I wasn’t always the perfect mother. I know I have made my fair share of mistakes, but I did my best. I was there at every practice, every game, and every milestone. One thing that was certain, I love my son more than I’ve ever loved anyone or anything in my entire life.
From the moment my son was born, I realized what true love really was. I knew the moment I first held him in my arms that I would lay down my life for his if necessary. My son always came first. I used to joke with my husband that someday he’d be the center of attention again (I guess that time is now – watch out dude!)
Life is an interesting thing. We make choices and follow paths that seemed like no big deal at the time. But then your kid follows that same path.
I joined the military after college. I was kind of floating around and thought I was lacking some discipline in my life. After a quick conversation with an Army recruiter, I was swearing in days later for a student loan repayment option on my contract.
I went to basic training at Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri, and was assigned there for my first duty station. I will always have fond memories of Fort Leonard Wood for several reasons, but primarily because I met my husband there.
We were both assigned to the 463rd Military Police Company. He was a military police officer, and I was a personnel specialist. I screwed up his promotion to specialist with a waiver by miscalculating the previous months waivers in May of 1997. This caused him to be erroneously promoted, then demoted back to private first class in the same week. He jokes that he married me as a form of payback. Twenty-six years later we’re still together and happily married so maybe there was a little more to it than an error in the S-1 shop.
My husband joined the Army right after high school and spent 22 years on active duty. He deployed five times and he was a drill sergeant for three years. I spent two deployments alone, but once I had my son, he was my “ride or die” deployment buddy. Whenever daddy had to go away, we had each other and that made it easier.
I remember one day, when my son was about five years old, he said, “Mommy, when I grow up I want to be a private.” I remember asking him, “Don’t you want to be a sergeant, like daddy, or a lieutenant like our friend Chris Housel (I think he’s a major in the 16th Military Police Brigade now).” I even tried to convince him to be a dentist, “You know you can be a Soldier and a dentist in the Army,” I’d remind him hopefully.
But his answer was always the same, “No mama, I want to be a private.”
And today he is a private; Marine Private First Class Graves.
For most of my son’s life growing up, the military always seemed to be his path. He never wavered from his pursuit to join the military. Even his extracurricular activities were based on his goal of a military career.
He loved being a scout and earned the rank of Eagle with the Boy Scouts of America. He continued with venture scouting and enjoyed high adventure trips to Philmont Scout Ranch and paddled over 60 miles at Swamp Base.
In high school, he went to state in powerlifting and played football because he said the team had the most intense workouts. He even did four years as a Junior Reserve Officer Training cadet.
At the end of his junior year he said, “mom, I’m joining the Marines!”
As an Army Veteran, I tried to convince him in to join the Army. We discussed college and reserve officer training opportunities; I even tried to get him to think about dentistry again. His mind was made up. He raised his right hand and spent one Saturday a month during his senior year working out and training with his recruiter and other “poolees” in Lake Charles, Louisiana. (According to MarineParents.com a “poolee” is an individual who has already signed up to become a Marine but has not yet left for the 13 weeks of recruit training at boot camp in San Diego or Parris Island.)
You know what they don’t tell you in that parent manual they don’t give to you? Watching your child leave home is tough! Putting my son on a plane to go to the United States Marine Corps School of Infantry at Camp Geiger, North Carolina was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.
I served in the Army, and though I never deployed, I was prepared to go if asked to do so. I watched my husband deploy more times than I want to think about. It was difficult, but my mindset was that it was his job, he’s good at his job and he’ll be ok. Thankfully he was. He and every one of his Soldiers miraculously all came home safely from every deployment. They all have some scars, both physical and mental; but they all came home. Not all military families are so lucky. I spent four years working in the casualty assistance center at Fort Carson, Colorado, from 2009-2012 and I often think of those families whose Soldiers made the ultimate sacrifice for our nation.
Now my son is a Marine!
He’s an infantryman and hopes to become a special operator.
No one told me in that parent manual that we never got that when your children grow up and move out to pursue their own lives, how much of an emotional roller coaster it is.
We are so proud! He completed bootcamp at the U.S. Marine Corps Recruit Depot, Parris Island, South Carolina in September. We were there for his graduation (that was disrupted slightly due to Hurricane Ian), we wore matching shirts and held up signs. It was incredible.
Bootcamp was tough, no phone calls or email. It was old school handwritten letters or nothing. But the MCRD Parris Island website and social media pages were very informative and so was our son’s recruiter. We knew when graduation was, that he’d get 10 days of leave and might have the opportunity to do some hometown recruiting (I think the Marines call it recruiter assistant duty).
What the website and social media pages didn’t say was how fast that leave would fly by.
That non-existent parent manual didn’t say how fast our son’s childhood would fly by either.
That roller coaster of emotions brought us (don’t tell my husband I included him here) to tears as we left our one and only child at the airport to continue his training yesterday. Walking away from the terminal were two blubbering idiots, so proud, yet...So sad because we honestly don’t know when we’ll get to see or hug to him again. Worried, about him doing well in training; making the right choices; and wondering where he’ll be stationed. Stressed out thinking about world events and knowing he may be called to deploy at some point in the future.
You see joining the military and knowing you may have to fight or go to war is one thing. Being married to a Soldier and knowing they may deploy is another; but watching your child follow in that same path is totally different.
Remember I said, this is what he always wanted to do. You’d think I’d be mentally and emotionally prepared. You’d think my husband, a former drill sergeant, who trained countless Soldiers during his time on the trail would be prepared.
We weren’t! We’re not!
Deep down I know it will be all right.
I know my son will be an excellent Marine, a productive adult, and will accomplish any goal he sets for himself. I know some day he will make a great husband and father. But when I look at him, I see a kid, I see my kid and it’s difficult to reconcile in my mind that my kid is now an adult. He is a Marine and is out on his own adventure. This is his journey, one in which I have no part.
I guess if I had to write that parental manual that no one gets when their child is born. I would tell every parent:
Soak it in!
Enjoy every minute!
Take off early for the practices and games.
Go camping, take trips, spend time making memories with your children.
Don’t blink!
Because before you know it, it will be your child’s turn to leave the nest, to live their best lives and have their own adventures.
Editor’s Note: This story is dedicated to every parent, past, present, and future. Letting our children go is the most difficult part of childrearing that no one tells us about. To my own parents and in-laws, thank you supporting us throughout our military careers. Every parent must let their children go and will face their one emotional challenge. But to my fellow military moms, as our children go off to serve our nation, we can take solace in the fact that they are of among the very few willing to stand up for and preserve our freedom. Thank you for raising them and letting them shoulder that burden for our country.
Jean Graves is the Public Affairs Officer at Bayne-Jones Army Community Hospital. The views and opinions expressed herein do not necessarily state or reflect those of the United States Government, the Department of Defense, the U.S. Army, the Joint Readiness Training Center and Fort Polk, or Bayne-Jones Army Community Hospital.
| Date Taken: | 10.19.2022 |
| Date Posted: | 10.19.2022 13:04 |
| Story ID: | 431635 |
| Location: | FORT POLK, LA, US |
| Hometown: | LEESVILLE, LA, US |
| Web Views: | 1,455 |
| Downloads: | 0 |
This work, Proud mama, emotionally unprepared to say goodbye…, by Jean Graves, identified by DVIDS, must comply with the restrictions shown on https://www.dvidshub.net/about/copyright.
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