Photo By Leo Jenkins | Virginia Cooper, U.S. Army Central's Soldier and Family Readiness Program manager,...... read more read more
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Virginia Cooper sat beside her son and stroked his hands over and over. She knew these
hands—she had kissed his tiny little fingers when he was a baby, held them as they crossed
streets together, and swatted them away when he tried to steal a taste of her cookie batter.
“I remember wanting to get some gloves for his hands, they were so very cold,” she said. She
told him again and again she loved him. And in the silence of that room, she cried.
Virginia wanted to stay at her boy’s side. “I kept saying I didn’t want to leave.”
“We’ll take good care of him,” the funeral director assured her, as he walked her out. “I
promise.”
Virginia’s son, Joshua Jaymes Wood, a Marine veteran, was 30 years old when he took his life
on November 7, 2021.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), suicide is the second
leading cause of death among youth aged 10 to 14 and adults aged 24 to 35. In 2020, 46,000
people took their own lives, but there are many more who’ve had thoughts of suicide or have
made an attempt, which are risk factors for future suicide attempts.
In Josh’s case, prior to his suicide, he’d been cutting himself. Self-injury, such as cutting, is a
way to cope with emotional pain, anger, and frustration. Virginia and her family found out about
it only after he’d cut himself too deeply on one occasion and ended up in the hospital.
Virginia was stunned. “I don’t ever remember him not smiling or making a joke.” Josh had been
undergoing counseling and Virginia constantly checked on him, but there was nothing to raise
any red flags. And Virginia can quote all the red flags. As the Soldier and Family Readiness
Program manager at U.S. Army Central, she takes some of the same training service members go
through on suicide prevention and substance abuse. When someone comes to her office for help,
she refers them to the appropriate agency.
But, she said, Josh, as a Marine reservist, had gone through the same training and knew how to
deflect the questions Virginia asked.
“I don’t think he was being completely honest with his counselors either. It’s not that he was
being deceitful--he was just not letting his guard down so he could get the help he needed.”
Virginia was also shocked to find out Josh’s brother and one of his friends had both been in
situations with him that should have ended with Josh in a hospital. “The remark was made ‘I
thought I could talk him down,’” Virginia recalled. “It infuriated me because nobody—not even
I—could talk a person down. We need to get them to help.”
While going through her son’s belongings in his apartment, Virginia came across some letters
written by Josh before his death. They were not addressed to any of the family members. In these
letters, Josh asked his friend to pass on messages to his relatives.
“With every bit of my fiber I believe he couldn’t say our names. He couldn’t do it,” said
Virginia. What Josh did express in one of his letters was his displeasure with the health care he’d
been receiving, and wrote “Tell my mom. She’ll be mad and do something about it.”
Virginia is still not sure what she’s going to do about it, but she does feel that the stigma that still
exists related to coming forward to get help is causing preventable deaths. She said people who
are feeling suicidal don’t see past their own pain, thinking their death will remove a burden from
their family and friends.
“Truth is,” Virginia said, “they don’t see the pain that’s on the other side because now what
they’ve done is they’ve taken that and they’ve transferred it to the all the people who care,
especially in units. Everybody is affected by it, even if you’re not close to the person.”
She believes that training needs to include families. “If someone is struggling and can’t ask for
help, or know they need help, the people around them should reach out for them. With family
suicide prevention and planning, we need to ramp up substance abuse and gun safety. I
wholeheartedly believe every pistol owner should have to take a class with a suicide prevention
module.”
Virginia’s thoughts on weapons safety matches up with a military suicide prevention study group
scheduled to begin this summer. The panel will study suicide prevention and behavioral health
programs across the services. It will include experts in lethal weapons safety, as well as experts
in substance abuse and mental health service.
In the meantime, Virginia said she wishes there was a way to make suicide real for people.
“Show them the cost and not just the dollars. This is what suicide looks like,” Virginia said,
gesturing toward herself.
What does suicide look like? It looks like the friends, family members and co-workers who are
left behind when someone takes his or her own life.
For Virginia, suicide is the absence of her son, who hid his pain behind the smiles and jokes he
always had for his mom.
“I wish I had one more time to just sit and hold his hand. I wouldn’t need words. That is all I
would want.”
| Date Taken: | 07.13.2022 |
| Date Posted: | 07.13.2022 10:52 |
| Story ID: | 424866 |
| Location: | SUMTER, SOUTH CAROLINA, US |
| Web Views: | 232 |
| Downloads: | 1 |
This work, The people left behind: Suicide from a survivor's perspective, by Pachari Middleton, identified by DVIDS, must comply with the restrictions shown on https://www.dvidshub.net/about/copyright.
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