Photo By Aimee Malone | Mike Domitrz, founder of The Center for Respect, speaks to Fort McCoy family members...... read more read more
Subscribe
Fort McCoy teens and their parents learned plenty about the importance of respect and communication in both romantic and nonromantic relationships during the “Safer Choices” program, held Sept. 10 at Fort McCoy.
Combining humor and frank conversation is how Mike Domitrz confronts the uncomfortable topics of consent and sexual relationships and assault. Domitrz is the founder of The Center for Respect, which advocates and educates about the importance of creating a culture of respect to help foster healthy relationships, encourage bystander intervention, and prevent sexual assault. He is also the author of several books, including “Can I Kiss You?” and “Voices of Courage.”
Domitrz also spoke to Fort McCoy Soldiers and civilian employees earlier in the day about the same topics in a program designed for adults.
The evening program, called “Safer Choices,” was designed for teens and their parents to help them navigate the difficult waters of dating and potentially sexual relationships. Domitrz said that while advocating abstinence is “all well and good,” the reality is that the majority of teens will have sexual encounters before adulthood or marriage and that it’s important to give them the right tools to make healthy, responsible choices.
Even a lot of adults think that getting consent is the ideal state for a sexual relationship, Domitrz said, when it should really be the lowest acceptable state.
“What would you think if someone told you, ‘Oh, my relationship is great. My partner consents,’” he asked. “You’d be a bit worried about their past relationships, wouldn’t you?”
The ideal state of any sexual relationship should be informed, consenting, mutually amazing sex, Domitrz said. He said that sadly, it’s the “mutually amazing” that many of his audience members trip over, especially in the United States.
Sex education in the United States spends a lot of time talking about what not to do and very little time talking about what to do, Domitrz said. Because of this, both teens and adults pick up a lot of their information from less-than-ideal sources, especially online pornography and entertainment media. These sources cater to fantasies and often do not address what a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship looks like.
Modeling healthy relationships and consent for the younger generation is important, but so is learning to talk about sensitive and tough topics openly and honestly, Domitrz said. If adults talk about these topics with children and teens, it helps them learn to do the same with their future partners.
A big part of Domitrz’ ethos is learning to ask permission before kissing or touching a partner, continuing to ask permission both throughout and every time, and respecting a partner’s answer. Always asking lets people know that it's OK to set boundaries, it’s OK to change your mind, and that you care about what your partner thinks and feels every time.
One of the major reasons people don’t ask before making a move is the fear of rejection, Domitrz said. There are two problems with this approach. One is that you can still be rejected. The second is that you're trying to take the decision out of the other person's hands.
“So (you) don’t give them a choice,” Domitrz said. “’I’m not going to ask you because you might say no.’ ... You didn't misread the situation because there was no opportunity to misread. You didn't give them a chance to communicate."
Domitrz also covered what to do if a friend or family member says he or she has been sexually assaulted. Domitrz said that the instinct, especially as parents, is to try to solve the problem and make everything right or to seek vengeance. But this approach continues to take away a survivor's choices.
“Someone just took away their choices,” Domitrz said, and then parents and partners do the same. The better approach is to ask a survivor what they want to do and what you can do for them. Perhaps the answer will be to contact the police, go to a hospital, or simply to talk, but asking gives the survivor a choice and lets them be in control of the situation again.
The Center for Respect offers education and training tools for groups of all ages in a variety of audiences, including schools, businesses, and the military. For more information about The Center for Respect, visit www.centerforrespect.com.
The program was coordinated by Fort McCoy Army Community Service. For information about Fort McCoy SHARP programs and local resources, call Army Community Service at 608-388-3505.
| Date Taken: | 09.25.2020 |
| Date Posted: | 09.25.2020 14:16 |
| Story ID: | 378714 |
| Location: | FORT MCCOY, WI, US |
| Web Views: | 31 |
| Downloads: | 0 |
This work, Fort McCoy teens, parents learn about safe relationship choices, by Aimee Malone, identified by DVIDS, must comply with the restrictions shown on https://www.dvidshub.net/about/copyright.
No keywords found.
LEAVE A COMMENT