Photo By Deborah Silliman Wolfe | Faith Pervatt gives adopted daughter Grace, 1, a high-five.... read more read more
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LUKE AIR FORCE BASE, Ariz. -- Faith Pervatt loves being a mommy. She's got that glow so many new mothers have. You can see it, just past the slightly tired eyes as she laughs with the toddlers crawling on her lap, competing for her attention. Her babies, Benjamin and Grace, are 14 months old, but they're not twins. Benjamin is five days older than his sister, Grace.
Faith and her husband, Tech. Sgt. Jonathan Pervatt, 756th Aircraft Maintenance Squadron, knew when they married that they wanted children. They also knew they wanted to adopt.
"I remember being five-years-old saying I'm going to adopt someday," said Faith. "I knew I could love any child in my life."
Jonathan and Faith married in 1997 and arrived at Luke Air Force Base in 2002. When they were ready to start a family they found a lot of information about adopting, but no one go-to source to walk someone through the steps. They learned quickly about many people who offer adoption assistance and promise results, but found many of them are merely in it for the money. Faith says.
Grace's birth mother had no idea people had to pay to post their profiles on adoption Web sites, some costing up to $15,000. The Pervatts are fortunate the Air Force reimburses parents for up to $2,000 per child in adoption costs.
Even after registering with agencies and Web sites, Faith and Jonathan received little to no guidance about how to present themselves. However, they became marketing experts, producing brochures and packets describing their home and life. They built a MySpace profile to "sell" themselves, opening up their lives and making themselves available to women looking for families for their children. They also became involved in online forums within the adoption community, talking to others on the same emotional roller coaster.
The Pervatts spent about five years on that ride, interviewing and registering with agencies that put families in contact with mothers, hoping someone would read their profile and choose them.
Finally, they got "the call." In fact, they were contacted three times in just a few months. In April 2008, after a promising visit with a potential birth mother they learned she had already promised her twin daughters to another family. It was disappointing, but nothing compared to what was to come.
Jonathan had, from the very beginning, kept his supervisors informed about the process. The Air Force allows members to take up to 21 days permissive temporary duty assignment when adopting a child. They understood that when the call came he might have to leave right away. And that's exactly what happened.
The call came on a Monday from a young mother in Texas. The Pervatts said she felt like family from the moment they met her and her family.
"She reminded me of my sister." Faith said. "It felt like we'd known them our entire lives."
It was a match both sides felt was meant to be, and the birth mom asked how soon they could get there. They left Wednesday morning, and Faith was in the delivery room the next day when their baby girl was born. They named her Grace Elizabeth Pervatt.
"When I held her, it was like, oh my God, is this really real?" says Faith. "She was so beautiful."
Adoption laws vary from state to state and in Texas a mother has 48 hours before signing the final papers to place her child in an adoption. That 48 hours begins after any pain medications wear off.
In the four days following Grace's birth on May 22, the Pervatts held her, fed her, changed her, bonded with her. But at the last minute the birth mother changed her mind. She told them she just couldn't give Grace up. It was a failed adoption. They understood, but say it was devastating to leave the baby behind.
"It was the most painful thing I've ever done in my life," Faith said. "You don't ever forget what you felt in that moment."
Jonathan and Faith took some time off. They spent a few days in San Antonio grieving their loss with Faith's family. Then they drove home to Arizona, taking it slow and coming to terms with losing Grace. They wondered if they could put themselves out there again, become vulnerable and again risk such devastation.
Jonathan went back to work on Monday. Faith got the call Tuesday. A mother in California had given birth to a baby boy May 17 and knew she couldn't care for him. Were the Pervatts ready to try again? Again, they said yes, and by Wednesday afternoon they were the proud parents of Benjamin David Jaden Pervatt. Four days later they celebrated Jonathan's first Father's Day. A couple weeks later, they got another call.
Grace's birth mother saw the adoption announcement on the Pervatt's agency's Web site. She called to congratulate them, and to tell them she knew she had made the wrong decision. Did they still want to be Grace's parents? Again, yes, but now there could be legal issues.
"We didn't even know if we could accept two placements from different states at the same time," Faith said.
Faith e-mailed their attorneys in Texas, California and Arizona to find out if they could move forward with another adoption. No one knew of any reason why they couldn't adopt another baby right away, so once again, Jonathan and Faith flew to Texas, this time as first time parents with an infant. They met with the birth mother and their attorney and Grace became the fourth member of their family.
It's been a year now and Benjamin and Grace are healthy, happy and keep their parents very busy. The Pervatt home is loud, filled with lots of squeals and laughter. Even though the events leading to parenthood were frustrating and discouraging at times, Jonathan and Faith said it was all worth it. They encourage anyone who is considering adoption to get educated, do their research and be prepared.
"Remember," they said. "The child who is meant to be your child will find you. You don't find your kids; they find you."
| Date Taken: | 08.20.2009 |
| Date Posted: | 08.20.2009 14:18 |
| Story ID: | 37754 |
| Location: | LUKE AIR FORCE BASE, ARIZONA, US |
| Web Views: | 444 |
| Downloads: | 385 |
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