FORT GEORGE G. MEADE, Md. - Military families are accustomed to leaving loved ones and friends behind and engaging in long-distance relationships due to the frequent moves and deployments that missions often require.
For active-duty service members and their families, learning to love and care from a distance is part of military life.
But what happens when the ones you love are with you 24/7 for weeks or even months on end? Does the heart grow fonder when love is so close?
Mental health experts said distancing together can be stressful for military and civilian families alike and that the state’s emergency shutdown to contain the coronavirus has created new challenges in establishing and maintaining healthy family relationships.
Mental health professionals in the Fort Meade community are helping families to handle these challenges and ease the stress that some adults and children may feel during the shutdown. They also are providing strategies to help families express love and resolve conflicts in productive ways.
Relational Dynamics
On March 30, Gov. Larry Hogan instituted a stay-at-home order for Maryland residents until April 30. These past weeks have tested the patience and resolve of many families.
Tonya Phillips, a clinical social worker at the Multi-D clinic in the Behavioral Health Department at Kimbrough Ambulatory Care Center, said the stay-at-home order has “changed the sense of normalcy” for military families.
“It is not uncommon for military families to spend time apart,” she said. [The] frequent deployments, geographical separations, TDY or mission essential responsibilities are factors that keep military families from staying in close quarters.
“The assumption that being in close quarters is easy can be a faulty assumption. The mandate to stay together in close quarters could, in some cases, increase havoc in relational dynamics.”
Adjusting to the requirement to spend so much time together may highlight personality differences and cause disagreements.
“Families that are not familiar with spending so much time together may seem like strangers to one another when forced to share close quarters,” Phillips said.
The stay-at-home directive is difficult for many because the flexibility of their lifestyle and access to resources and activities outside the home no longer exists, said Christi Culpepper, clinical director for the Kennedy Krieger Institute’s Child and Family Therapy Clinic.
The clinic is part of the Behavioral Health Program for Military Families in Odenton.
“Being indoors for a significant amount of time can have a negative impact on mood and behavior, due to feelings of isolation and an increased need to share space and resources inside the home,” Culpepper said. “These changes in mood can trigger conflict between family members.”
Conflicts can arise between spouses and children, regardless of age.
For military couples, Phillips said the stay-at-home order has been “a critical adjustment period.”
Military spouses are “learning [about] one another … getting to know one another [and] learning to share space, time and resources, [which] is naturally challenging,” she said. “The stress associated with living through a pandemic heightens critical relational adjustment.”
Younger children have been more prone to temper tantrums during the shutdown, said Jaime Benson, associate director of the Behavior Management Clinic at Kennedy Krieger’s Behavioral Health Program for Military Families.
“For our toddlers and preschoolers, we are seeing disruptions in sleep — not wanting to sleep in [their] own bed, wanting the parent to sleep in [the child’s] bed — and some regression of previously mastered skills such as toileting [and] feeding.”
Create Healthy Routines
Culpepper said students in middle and high school are finding it difficult to connect with friends. Time that would be spent socializing at school, home and in the community is now spent at home.
Middle-schoolers and teens are also now trying to adjust to more classwork and using technology to complete assignments at home and communicate with their teachers, which can make learning harder and isolating.
“High school students have reported difficulty adjusting to a decrease in freedom, given the current limitations on travel,” Culpepper said.
Despite the uncertainty of the pandemic and the changes in family dynamics that have been a result, the experts said families can work to build and maintain healthy and productive relationships.
Parents can begin by explaining the pandemic to their children and making time for self-care and meaningful family activities.
“We are encouraging parents to answer [questions about the pandemic] honestly, yet in a developmentally appropriate way and to allow children space to ask questions,” Benson said. “It is helpful to focus on elements that parents can control, such as maintaining social distance and wearing masks.”
Parents should focus on the present and be hopeful about medical interventions. “There are many professionals working to find a vaccine and treatments,” she said.
Benson also encourages parents to limit their children’s exposure to the news.
Phillips said there is a silver lining to the stay-at-home directive.
“Prior to COVID-19, families were passing one another, and rarely had time for quality connections,” she said. “This new norm has given families a changed framework in which family time has become more available.”
Creating simple routines like a family game or pizza night, sharing study and homework time, reading together and limiting social media can help families focus on bonding, Phillips said.
“Be patient and supportive of one another with the acceptance that the pandemic has a different impact on every member of the family differently.”.
Focusing on a healthy lifestyle, eating right, getting plenty of sleep and exercise is important, Phillips said. In addition, avoiding unhealthy behaviors such as excessive alcohol, smoking and gaming is necessary to maintaining a healthy home environment.
Benson advised families to take one day at a time.
“Parents are not super humans,” she said. “It is OK for parents to take a break to focus on themselves.
“Overall, children are forgiving and resilient. They will find comfort in regular routines, important family rituals, and even small actions that show you are paying attention and love them. Set small goals each day.”
Most important, said Benson, if families are struggling, they shouldn’t go it alone.
“We encourage them to reach out for help from professionals,” she said.
| Date Taken: | 04.30.2020 |
| Date Posted: | 04.30.2020 08:28 |
| Story ID: | 368854 |
| Location: | FORT MEADE, MARYLAND, US |
| Web Views: | 22 |
| Downloads: | 0 |
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