Each time my husband returns from Afghanistan, he comes home a little bit different but we never acknowledge it. All I have is a memory of who he was before he left each time.
Full of silent pride and the living embodiment of a quiet professional, he never mentions any details of operations he was involved in or what he experienced while supporting the mission.
There have been countless missions since 9/11 and with the war in Afghanistan approaching 17 years, it appears there will be more in his future.
We share a quiet understanding it is not my privilege to know all of the details or even pry because he doesn’t like being put into an awkward position of explaining why he can’t. I know why he can’t.
His privacy extends to many facets of his life, including his health. Even after seeing him experience pain and discomfort after airborne jumps, he will not entertain my requests to see a doctor. To him, weakness is associated with going to sick call, and he has a job as a leader. But really, seeking help is the better standard to set. Seeking help is a sign of strength.
So he grinds through the pain because there is work to be done but we know he is not putting his welfare first.
I’ve learned not to wake him up when he sleeps because he usually gets startled and forgets where he is. Maybe he experiences flashbacks but he never reveals it.
My oldest daughter, 9, has learned to give him his space without acknowledging why he needs to have alone time to decompress after he returns from deployment. She has experienced this with me multiple times since she was born. It’s a quiet understanding.
Whenever we speak about post-traumatic stress disorder, he brushes off any possibility it may exist in him. He knows there is work to be done and he will not miss out on the fight. More and more Soldiers are seeking help. It keeps Families strong. There are innovative and effective programs to help Soldiers with PTSD. He just has to recognize it and ask for help.
After 10 years of marriage, we both embody polar opposites when it comes to how leaders should approach Soldier issues and his resolve has only grown in remaining a strong figure despite what he may have experienced.
Could he be silently suffering?
He would drop everything and leave tomorrow for deployment if given the choice. It pains me to say it but I know with his next departure approaching soon, it feels like his heart is already there and he is only physically going through the motions at home.
His love of Afghanistan and deep affection for the Afghan people shines through when he regales us with stories about the curious children he meets in small villages and the native cuisine he sorely cannot find replicated here in America.
He believes in the possibility of stability in the region despite constant suffering the Taliban and Islamic State group has inflicted on Afghans even though I am not so hopeful. He sees the hope I could never experience the way he does.
I hope someday he finds the peace at home he feels when he is over there but I know better than to ask. There is always a possibility and we will continue to hope.
It’s a quiet understanding.
| Date Taken: | 01.30.2018 |
| Date Posted: | 01.30.2018 17:02 |
| Story ID: | 263990 |
| Location: | US |
| Web Views: | 59 |
| Downloads: | 0 |
This work, The war in Afghanistan continues and we feel its effect at home, by Jeanine Mezei, identified by DVIDS, must comply with the restrictions shown on https://www.dvidshub.net/about/copyright.
