You’re not alone, the journey from victim to survivor

Photo By Valerie OBerry | Mainside Victim Advocate Kristiana Poole and The Basic School Victim Advocate Ivette Bennett worked to organize the annual Domestic Violence Awarness Month Speaker Series which brought powerful voices to speak out against abuse and help those hurting begin to heal. (Photo by Jeremy Beale)  

QUANTICO, VA, UNITED STATES

11.01.2017

Story by Jeremy Beale 

Marine Corps Base Quantico

As the survivor shared her more than 20 year struggle with domestic abuse with guests in attendance, her hopes were that other victims and survivors would feel empowered to make a change and speak out against domestic violence.
The survivor was a Marine spouse whose abusive husband had displayed various forms of physical and emotional abuse, fully surpassing his tenure within the military.
She told the story of how Fort Belvoir, a civilian domestic violence agency and Stafford County pulled together to help her separate from her husband.
The community helped her find a home away from her husband, escorted her through public areas and taught her how to cope with life away from her abuser.
Her husband, a civilian at the time, served an eight year jail sentence for a particular instance and the survivor worked hard to go from victim to survivor through counseling, support groups and surrounding herself with friends and family.
Prison did not stop her husband from the mental turmoil of abuse as he still had control, even in the midst of a protective order. She has had to file for a protective order every two years for the last 10 years, somehow finding the courage to fight.
According to the survivor, restraint laws continue to re-victimize survivors as they have to plea for their safety each time their protective order expires. This is why the survivor has decided to fight restraint laws in her local county to change the law from temporary protective orders to permanent.
“Her story really showed ongoing survival,” Kristiana Poole, MCBQ victim advocate said. “She will always be in danger and she will always be at risk—every day is lived in a mode of survival.”
However, Poole believes that VAP can help victims such as this survivor through offering victims a place to turn to.
“Everybody that has been in a domestic violence relationship figures that they will never be in a relationship again,” Ivette Bennett, MCBQ victim advocate said. “By teaching the Quantico community about the red flags we can better assist families who may be struggling with domestic violence within the home.”
Red flags typically include verbal or physical humiliation stemming from angry, controlling, possessive, jealous, or violent behavior. A potential abuser may also show signs of persecution, resentment, entitlement, superiority, pettiness and sarcasm.
According to Bennett, people have a tendency to say love is blind, but love is not blind–people choose to ignore the red flags that tell them they are in danger.
“A healthy relationship will never require you to sacrifice your friends, dreams or dignity,” Bennett said.
According to Poole, VAP’s primary mission is offering safety planning whether a victim is attempting to leave an unhealthy relationship or plans on staying in one, so they have the proper tools to stay safe.
Victim advocates are nationally trained, accredited and credentialed yearly. Advocates work closely with the Provost Marshals Office, Stafford County Police Department, Prince William County and Spotsylvania County Police Departments.
Marine Corps-trained VAPs provide information, guidance and support to victims as they are first responders and specifically trained to respond to incidents of domestic violence 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Advocates can be reached on their helpline at 703-350-1688 in case of an emergency.
Bennett believes the biggest opportunity for danger is when a victim decides that they are going to leave a domestically abusive relationship.
“You have a plan to get married, but you also need a plan to leave,” Bennett said. “You cannot just get up and leave, it’s a process.”
The advocacy program offers victims safety training, emotional support and counseling, court advocacy, protective orders and information on filing for custody.
Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner, male or female, to gain or maintain power and control and can apply to anyone in any relationship type. The violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological action or threats of action which intimidates, manipulates, humiliates, isolates, terrorizes, coerces, threatens or injures someone.
There are two reporting options for domestic violence within the Department of Defense.
The first option is called restricted reporting and it offers confidential assistance that does not include notification of law enforcement or military command.
A restricted report allows victims to evaluate their relationship choices while maintaining control over what and how much information to share with others.
However, because victim safety is a priority, victims at imminent risk of serious harm cannot use the restricted report option.
The alternative is an unrestricted report in which victims may contact the Family Advocacy Program (FAP) and military police or chain of command to make an unrestricted report if they want an investigation of an abuse incident and command involvement.
The command can offer the victim added support to include a protective order. There are three types of protective orders: Emergency, which lasts three days, Preliminary, which lasts 15 days and Protective order in Viginia lasts up to two years. FAP advocates will also assist in making a report to law enforcement.
According to Bennett, it can be hard for victims to speak about the abuse.
“Everyone gets nervous when they hear the word testify,” Bennett said. “You’re not testifying you are telling your story and you are not making up a story you are telling the truth.”
To speak with an advocate call: Mainside at 703-784-2570, Westside, 703-432-6442 or the Helpline at 703-350-1688. Other helpful contacts include MCBQ Sexual Assault Prevention and Response, 703-784-3557, and the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-7233.
Workshops are also available to help victims. For the next scheduled workshop visit,Quantico.usmc-mccs.org.
Workshops include:
Women’s Awareness Knowledge and Empowerment (WAKE) - an educational support group designed for the specific needs of women who have experienced conflicts in intimate relationships. The group is open to active duty and their family members.
Within My Reach (WMR) - Whether you are single, dating or in a relationship, this workshop will help develop necessary skills needed to make better relationship decisions.
Stop Abuse with Family Education (SAFE) - A half-day class for couples reuniting following a protective order.

• Date Taken: 11.01.2017
• Date Posted: 01.03.2018 08:48
• Story ID: 257481
• Location: QUANTICO, VA, US