Photo By Sgt. Mahlet Tesfaye | Madison and Mackenzie Kirlew welcome their mom (Michelle) home after she spent 60 days...... read more read more
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FORT SAM HOUSTON, Texas - Twenty-one months ago, Michelle Kirlew was given three months to live. Diagnosed with pancreatic cancer Dec. 19, 2013, it wasn’t until January 2014 that she received the news the disease had spread to major organs within her body, including her liver, pancreas and bloodstream, making her officially in stage four of dealing with a deadly disease.
November is Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Month. Only three percent of people diagnosed with this disease survive this form of cancer, typically due to late diagnosis. Only three percent of people diagnosed with this disease, survive this form of cancer typically due to late diagnosis. Penned the silent killer; pancreatic cancer has the lowest survival rate of all 22 common cancers according to pancreaticcanceraction.org.
Refusing to be defined by her circumstances, Michelle and her husband Sgt. 1st Class Michael Kirlew, assigned to the 1st Battlefield Coordination Detachment at Davis Monthan Air Force Base in Tucson, Ariz., are more than statistics, slogans and a saga of unfortunate circumstances. Their story of meeting, falling in love, blending families, adapting to military life and facing the adversities that come from living with a deadly disease maybe more than what most families are equipped to handle. Not so for the Kirlews.
Michael, a field artilleryman with 21 years of active-duty service, and Michelle, a New Jersey native, both were previously married and divorced, with one child each before their paths crossed during a chance online encounter through Michelle’s sister.
New to the dating scene, Michelle’s friends and family were hesitant and over-protective at the prospect of her dating Michael and only allowed it since Michael was overseas for the first year and they had to date ‘virtually’ online.
In typical "Romeo and Juliet" fashion, Michelle and Michael had their first ‘real’ date on Valentine’s Day 2004. Eighteen months later they wed. When Michael asked for Michelle’s hand in marriage, he also asked for Madison, to officially adopt her and become her father.
Michelle said she quickly took to and embraced every ounce of being a military wife and family. “We wanted to start a family and I wanted to be pregnant while he was deployed so he could be home with us for the baby’s first year,” said Michelle.
“I moved back home with my family during my pregnancy,” stated Michelle though she said in retrospect she believes being on base, surrounded by others wives, might have been better. “Other wives understand the struggles and challenges involved with having a loved one gone.”
“We were at Fort Campbell on Michael’s third deployment and this is where I decided to stay on the installation and was introduced to the family readiness group,” said Michelle. “Being on base was better. I felt more a part of the mission.”
“I love everything about the military,” stated Michelle. From the ladies and Soldiers that assisted her family, to the military medical health care program TRICARE, Michelle said it’s all like nothing she’s ever experienced before.
On Dec. 15, 2013 while in the hospital Michelle got word that she had a tumor in her Pancreas. “Michael was in the passenger terminal at the Al Udeid Air Base minutes away from boarding an airplane to Afghanistan for a fourth tour,” said Michelle.
Knowing the urgency of the situation Michelle’s friends and doctors worked tirelessly to get a Red Cross message to Michael about the tumor. Just days later on Dec. 19, she got the call, the tumor was cancer. Knowing Michael was alone in the airport and on his way home and not wanting to give him such bad news with no one around to comfort him, she waited. Michael only knew he urgently needed to get back home to Michelle. He wasn’t aware exactly how dire the circumstances were until the next day.
Since becoming aware of her condition, Michelle endured countless surgeries. In March, Michelle realizing the cancer had spread to her bloodstream, began chemotherapy and opted for an experimental drug suggested by one of her many doctors.
“I had nothing to lose at this point,” Michelle explained. “The first six weeks on the experimental drug, the tumor on my pancreas shrunk and the tumors on my liver were gone,” said Michelle.
Michelle fondly remembers the urgency of needing authorization for TRICARE from a doctor at Davis Monthan AFB during holiday block leave last December. During a time when an installation can appear fairly desolate a member of 1st BCD command team, Lt. Col. Elton Crawford, facilitated the necessary approval and Michelle was able to have one of her many procedures a month later.
“At first we could ‘pillow-talk’ and chit-chat about death and dying,” said Michelle, but it all became too gloomy. Instituting ‘no-death, no-dying’ discussion parameters, Michelle decided it was best to create a small window of time set aside in which they could discuss death. “We no longer talk about death or dying at night, only during the daytime, before noon,” said Michelle.
Fast-forward a year. About 60 days ago, Michelle remembers throwing up blood and passing out on her stairs. She recalls Michael dialing 911 and beginning the journey on her most serious bout with the cancer, which was wreaking havoc on her internally. Undergoing her most intensive procedure yet, Michelle’s doctors cut out her pancreas, spleen, gall bladder and parts of her stomach to clear out the cancer. “I didn’t feel like I was dying,” Michelle remembered.
Attributing the military with providing coping and resiliency skills, Michelle said she realized as a family they were going to have to deal with tough issues. “This is the way it is. We are set up to live and set up to die.”
The reactions from Michelle and Michael’s children vary. 15-year-old Madison, initially went into a shell and preferred not to talk about ‘it,' though she remains extremely optimistic with progress and positive news, said Michelle. Nine-year old, Mackenzie, better known as Mack, Googles everything according to his mom. “He just wants to learn as much about it as he can,” she said.
The kids are already on a roller coaster. Trevor, Michael’s oldest son, “doesn’t quite know how he’s supposed to feel,” said Michelle. Trevor, 18, lives in Texas with his mother but visits often and as a newly licensed driver helps chauffeur his siblings to different activities.
Insistent on completing Michael’s adoption of Madison as she and the family move forward, Michelle says this is an extremely important step for the family to take. “Madison is such a daddy’s girl, imagining her being raised by anyone other than Michael, would be unthinkable,” said Michelle with emphasis in her otherwise soft spoken voice.
After 60 days in and out of hospitals and rehabilitation facilities, Michelle spent the first day home, on the couch in anticipation of Michael picking up the kids from school. Joyful and eager to see their mom, in their own home environment, the kids could not resist their enthusiasm and showered Michelle with love, hugs and kisses, which garnered a loving, yet stern reminder from dad. “Watch her stomach!” Michael told them as the kids, cats and dog all ambushed Michelle with attention.
Constantly celebrating the gift of life, Michelle, said she feels very blessed. "Even with the diagnosis, I don’t feel cursed.”
The 1st BCD, military family has been available to us from day one, Michelle and Michael agreed. “They’ve watched the kids, prepared meals for the family and been at the hospital during my surgeries.” Michelle’s energy and voice seem to lift in excitement at the mere mention of Michael’s unit.
“They created a food meal plan to feed my family! Some of them are so new to the organization that they don’t even know us, yet they all came together and stood by us and I love them- the friends, family and the military,” said Michelle.
“Horrible things happen in the world and to experience the beauty of the relationships and bonds created within the military, these husbands, wives and generous people who have my back is just wonderful,” stated Michelle.
Among the people who “have the Kirlews' back” is 1st BCD Commander, Col. Daniel O’Grady, who assumed command of the organization this past summer and learned of the Kirlews' situation from the outgoing commander.
“As cliché as it may sound, we are all in the same boat together, rowing together. You have to truly live the Army values. If we don’t take care of each other, who will?” asked O’Grady.
Familiar with the military family support network, O’Grady has deployed seven times in his career and said he witnessed first hand great leaders taking care of Soldiers.
“I was Lt. Gen. Mark Milley’s executive officer when the shootings occurred at Fort Hood April 2, 2014,” said O’Grady. “I saw him be there for the victim’s families, the wounded and for the shooter’s wife.”
“I’m adamant about making sure the Soldiers and families in this unit are taken care of,” said O’Grady. The BCD commander said he believes, since less than one percent of the U.S. population is serving, anyone willing to raise their right hand and take that oath is special to him. “Sgt. 1st Class Kirlew is a great guy, and we as a unit just stepped in to alleviate the burden and help ensure his family would be taken care of,” said O’Grady.
Editor’s Note:
At the conclusion of this interview, Michelle was declared cancer-free as the result of her most recent surgeries that removed the cancer along with vital organs where the cancer was present. Michelle has since been readmitted for a small infection, but continues to beat unbelievable odds, regaining her strength day by day.
Michael and Michelle wholly attribute her overcoming tremendous odds to the military medical support they’ve received through TRICARE, the support of their military family from Michael’s unit and their faith. Michelle was released back home Oct. 7, 2015.
| Date Taken: | 10.08.2015 |
| Date Posted: | 10.08.2015 13:53 |
| Story ID: | 178482 |
| Location: | FORT SAM HOUSTON, TX, US |
| Web Views: | 401 |
| Downloads: | 0 |
This work, US Army South family shares story of hope, by MAJ Jamelle Garner, identified by DVIDS, must comply with the restrictions shown on https://www.dvidshub.net/about/copyright.
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