Photo By Chip Pons | The day I stopped trying will forever remain the biggest regret of my life. (U.S. Air...... read more read more
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CANNON AIR FORCE BASE, N.M. - Dependency on alcohol turned my father into a monster.
Over the years, I watched him transition from a social drinker, casually sipping on beer or wine if the setting deemed it acceptable, to an insufferable addict who could not face the day without downing a bottle of his chosen poison.
As the child of an alcoholic, I saw first-hand the life altering consequences of misusing alcohol. School functions were missed, major milestones were ruined and, at times, the roles of parent and child were misconstrued.
I have been questioned by the police, counseled by family advocates and judged by onlookers as I have half dragged; half carried my father from his favorite watering hole. I endured countless doctors’ visits and invasive tests to find out if I was a match for a much needed liver transplant, only to find out that I was not a proper candidate.
Yet every single time, I kept hoping to see a change in him that deep down I knew would never come.
After years of attempts at saving his life and silent prayers for recovery, I walked away from the man who fathered me. I stopped trying to change the unchangeable. I stopped wishing for the pleas of a desperate son to be the moment of clarity my father needed to break free from the grasp that alcohol had on him.
Then I received the phone call that would change my life forever.
My father was alone and unconscious in the hospital. As his next of kin, there were forms to be signed and questions to be asked. Having been through similar ordeals in the past, the magnitude of the doctor telling me that my father would never wake up was quite a shock. His mental capacity was gone, his body was relying on the constant hum of machines and here I was left with the unfair decision of whether or not to sentence my father to a machine-sustained “life” confined to a hospital bed.
Deciding to remove the devices selfishly keeping my father alive was an agonizing choice that struck me to my core. I was angry at my father for putting me in this position—for allowing his addiction to become a burden of immense sorrow. I was angry at myself for not doing more for him.
The beeps on his monitors slowed to a deafening silence… then he was gone.
I was left with the crushing guilt of not doing enough to save him. Even after all of my unsuccessful efforts, the day that I stopped trying will forever remain the biggest regret of my life.
According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, 16.6 million Americans have an alcohol use disorder- a medical term describing a range of mild, moderate and severe alcohol related problems. These 16.6 million souls suffer in the similar way my father did. Whether you believe alcoholism is a disease or a selfish choice, people around the nation are fighting the urge for a moment of numbness from whatever pain they are desperately trying to escape.
As Air Commandos, the threat of alcohol abuse does not elude us. We are pushed both mentally and physically and at times; the life of a service member can be isolating and ridden with unimaginable stress.
Seeing the lasting effects of alcohol abuse and what it can do to one’s mind and body is something that has scarred me forever, and has changed the way I personally approach any form of drinking. The Air Force is getting smaller as each year passes, but the strength of our force cannot afford to be whittled down because of alcohol dependency.
The Air Force is built upon fundamentals such as the wingman concept: centered on the idea that wingmen will always safeguard each other from danger. Unfortunately, being a true wingman requires one to ask the tough questions- to not back away from teammates in their moments of darkness, but help lead them into the direction of healthy decisions.
Supervisors and other seasoned leaders have the opportunity to get involved with their Airmen’s lives; to be that voice of mentorship and encouragement that is required in a high-stress work environment. Regardless of rank, individual Air Commandos are what make the United States Air Force the supreme air, space and cyberspace superpower that it is. Each Airman plays a pivotal and irreplaceable role toward greater mission accomplishment. They bring a fresh and unique perspective to today’s Air Force, strengthening it through diversity and individuality.
While alcohol dependency is an issue that only the suffering individual truly understands, a helping hand during that moment of darkness can have a lasting effect.
If you or someone you know has any questions or concerns related to alcohol dependency, please utilize the following options available:
Respective chains-of-command and first sergeants
Cannon chaplains: 575-784-2507
Mental Health: 575-784-2778
| Date Taken: | 05.06.2015 |
| Date Posted: | 05.07.2015 16:13 |
| Story ID: | 162606 |
| Location: | CANNON AIR FORCE BASE, NM, US |
| Web Views: | 200 |
| Downloads: | 0 |
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