#BeThere: for yourself and your wingman

AURORA, CO, UNITED STATES

09.26.2016

Courtesy Story

Headquarters Individual Reservist Readiness and Integration Organization

I survived two suicides. In 2015, the person I was seeing ended his own life. A few weeks later I tried to do the same. I am telling you this because I feel that transparency is the best way for me to help others who are going through what I experienced. I’ve learned a lot through my healing process, most importantly, we must be there for ourselves and for each other.

Before we can be a good wingman, we first have to learn to manage our own emotional and mental well-being. There’s a concept I’ve been working with called BURNOUT. It’s an acronym that stands for:
B Be real with how you feel
U Understand your stressors and de-stressors
R Resolve to find balance
N Never forgo your own needs
O Order your priorities
U Use other’s strengths when yours are weak
T Take time to honor your needs
In a nutshell, this concept helps me to understand what my emotional thresholds are when it comes to all aspects of my life, how I can de-stress and make time for finding balance, and it speaks to the importance of asking for help from friends, family or professionals when I can't handle something on my own.
Once I identified my own boundaries, I was better prepared to support my wingmen. When an individual is hurting and struggling with thoughts of suicide, they need someone there for them. They need a person to trust, who cares enough to listen without judgment and ridicule, and is gentle and sensitive to what they are going through and feeling. Listening to, and then following up with your wingman are the two most important things you can do to help someone who is wrestling with thoughts of suicide. I know from experience, when someone is considering suicide, they already feel like a burden, unimportant and alone. So, when they connect and share with someone who doesn’t follow up, it is devastating.
For those of you who are hurting right now, please know there is hope and you are not alone. The road isn’t easy but you are worth the fight. For me, after I decided to fight for my life, things tasted different, the colors in the sky became so radiant that I would tear up, I rediscovered my sense of purpose. I often say that having to learn to fight for my life when I no longer wanted to live it, was the hardest thing I’ve had to overcome. But I wasn’t alone in my fight, and you aren’t either. Please seek out someone you trust and let them help you. The people and resources are there, you are not alone.

• Date Taken: 09.26.2016
• Date Posted: 09.30.2016 13:17
• Story ID: 211027
• Location: AURORA, CO, US