Courtesy Photo | Oakdale, Conn., native, Spc. Kevin Hildreth (left), an infantryman assigned to Company...... read more read more
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FORT HOOD, Texas – When joining the military, service members enlist with an understanding that it is both demanding and rewarding, especially when your spouse is wearing the same uniform as you.
Military OneSource gives four tips to help aid dual-military couples in the journey together: accept the certainty of separation, expect difficult career decisions, acknowledge the likelihood of sacrifices by children, family and friends, and understand the differences in rank and career management fields.
Twenty-three-year-old Sgt. Michelle Hildreth, a Canyon Country, Calif. native and medic assigned to Company C of the 115th “Muleskinner” Brigade Support Battalion, 1st “Ironhorse” Brigade Combat Team, 1st Cavalry Division, returned from a rotation at the National Training Center in Fort Irwin, Calif., when she received an invitation from a friend to spend a Friday night out on the town.
Not knowing this simple invitation to hang out would change her life, she accepted.
Spc. Nickolai Silva, a medic previously assigned to Company A, 2nd “Stallion” Battalion, 8th Cavalry Regiment of the Ironhorse Brigade, was the platoon medic for, Spc. Kevin Hildreth, an infantryman also assigned to Co. A. “I knew (Kevin’s) medic,” said Michelle explaining the mutual connection.
“It was different meeting him as compared to everyone else that night, but I wouldn’t call it love at first sight,” Michelle explained first meeting Kevin.
One of the challenges in an active duty dual-military relationship is separation, which the couple experienced shortly after they started dating.
Although the couple had only been together a couple of months before deploying, they began talking about marriage.
Michelle’s outgoing flight was scheduled a week before Kevin’s, when he originally planned on proposing to her.
“I planned on proposing to her in front of everyone the day she left, but I wasn’t able to get off in time,” Kevin described.
Michelle explained because they were unable to get a ring before deploying, she bought a cheap ring in Iraq to represent her relationship with Kevin, but he knew she wanted a ‘down on one knee’ proposal. About a year later, the young couple married.
“He proposed the night before we got married, in his living room in front of our friends and family,” Michelle said about the romantic gesture.
The couple’s first year together included a deployment to Iraq and Kuwait, NTC and many field exercises.
Kevin compared the time they are required to spend apart to the old saying, ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder.’
“I wouldn’t say the time we have had to spend apart has hurt us, if anything it has helped us grow closer together,” Kevin said about his wife.
With both soldiers assigned to the Ironhorse Brigade they were deployed at the same time, but that doesn’t mean they got to spend a whole lot of time together.
While deployed to Iraq in support of Operation New Dawn 2011, they weren’t living on the same base, and had the pleasure of seeing each other only once.
“It’s a common misconception when you are dual military and deployed together, (that) it is easier because you are together,” Michelle explained. “But, actually it’s quite the opposite. We saw each other once and being military you better understand the risks your (spouse) may possibly face.”
Baltimore native Capt. Young Hong, the chaplain for the 1st “Centurion” Brigade Special Troops Battalion of the Ironhorse Brigade, believes communication is key to keeping a marriage successful.
“Many couples believe problems will disappear when you are apart, and sweep them under the rug,” Hong added.
The one time the Hildreth’s were able to see each other while deployed lasted 15 minutes. “It was very brief,” Kevin added.
His unit visited Contingency Operating Station Kalsu, where Michelle was living, to drop soldiers off. As she entered the dining facility to eat breakfast, a friend told her he was there.
“When I found out where he was sitting I went and talked to him for a couple of minutes before he had to leave,” Michelle added.
Although not being able to communicate everyday was tough, they didn’t let it get them down.
“I was always on mission, so when I was able to talk to her, it would only be a couple of minutes,” Kevin said about their limited communication. “It was one of the hardest things, keeping in touch, but knowing I would soon be with her everyday kept me going.”
There are resources across the military to assist service members when they feel there is a need for help: Military OneSource, Chaplains or the Military and Family Life Consultants.
“We are here to help,” Hong said about the Chaplain Corps.
Spending anniversaries, birthdays and holidays working separate duty assignments is one of the many hardships this couple has faced while serving as an active duty dual-military couple.
“Being apart was one of my main concerns before we got married,” Kevin explained. “I knew it was going to happen, but it was a concern of mine.”
After being home for more than a year, they know that another NTC rotation is in their future.
Michelle explained that their second year anniversary is going to fall during their upcoming NTC rotation in 2014. “He made it back just in time for our first (anniversary) last year,” she added.
Separation isn’t the only trial dual military relationships face, but it is the biggest for the Hildreth’s. With rank and responsibility playing a large role in the Army lifestyle, they explained they are often being compared to each other.
“We are constantly being compared like we are two of the same Soldiers, in the same squad,” Michelle explained about one of the bigger nuisances of the difference in rank. “People act like because I outrank him, I am his superior. At work, yes I outrank him, but at home we don’t play the rank card, we are equals.”
The couple doesn’t let rank get in the way of their relationship, but there can be a barrier when it comes to work.
When two service members of different rank marry, they may not have the common experiences and understanding of each other's career expectations, according to Military OneSource.
Although a large chunk of the relationship has been spent in separate locations, there are perks to being a dual military couple.
“It is helpful coming home and not having to explain why I am late or why I missed dinner,” Kevin gratefully explained.
According to Military OneSource spouses are able to appreciate a special kind of bond. You understand each other’s experiences and can relate to the other’s career triumphs and challenges in ways nonmilitary spouses can’t.
Michelle said it might be annoying, but agreed it is more easily understood having been in similar situations.
“Having personally experienced formations or details running later than planned, it is easier for me to understand why he is late,” Michelle explained. “I know what he is talking about when he explains problems at work or uses an acronym. I think it’s just an overall better support base.”
The couple is now expecting their first child, a son, in the fall of 2013. The Hildreth’s understand that their dual-military status puts them at risk for both parents to be gone at the same time.
Acknowledging the sacrifices they are likely to make for their new family, the Hildreth’s understand with Kevin III on his way, their family and friends will be asked to make their own sacrifices to help them out.
“It’ll be hard,” Michelle explained. Michelle and Kevin have begun discussing the possibility one of them may have to separate from the Army.
Preparing their new addition has only helped the two grow closer.
“We spend our weekends just driving around looking for something new to do together,” Kevin concluded. “I love spending time with her, I love her.”
For more information or tips on balancing a dual-military lifestyle, visit militaryonesource.mil.
| Date Taken: | 07.30.2013 |
| Date Posted: | 08.05.2013 13:01 |
| Story ID: | 111356 |
| Location: | FORT HOOD, TX, US |
| Hometown: | CANYON COUNTRY, CA, US |
| Hometown: | FORT CAVAZOS, TX, US |
| Hometown: | OAKLAND, CT, US |
| Web Views: | 578 |
| Downloads: | 0 |
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