Ways to have a successful marriage during deployments

BAGHDAD, IRAQ

03.15.2009

Courtesy Story

3rd Expeditionary Sustainment Command

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CAMP LIBERTY, Iraq - Taking an oath and becoming an American Soldier is an important and demanding decision made by only one percent of the American population.

Many of these brave men and women who answer the call to duty are married and willingly volunteer to serve knowing deployment and separation from his or her spouse is inevitable. In today's military, the divorce rate is an outstanding 3.5% among more than 287,000 married troops in the Army. Married Soldiers from the 154th Transportation Company, 553rd Combat Sustainment Support Battalion, 10th Sustainment Brigade have set fine examples on how to keep marriages strong in the Army.

Many military married couples divorce because they do not take their future into careful consideration. It is critical that both husband and wife understand the realm of challenges their marriage will face before they exchange vows and marry into the military. Before a deployment, Soldiers must be open with their spouses about their job titles and roles to alleviate unanswered questions that might arise after their departure.

In today's Army, deployments range from 12-15 months. It takes strong individuals to stay in a relationship knowing your spouse is thousands of miles away. A lack of trust in your spouse during their absence drastically increases the chance of divorces during deployment.

To have a successful marriage, trust must be absolute. You have to believe in your spouse and in your marriage, so you will not spend time worrying if your spouse is unfaithful. The military is ever-changing and one must be well rounded and supportive to help the partner cope, both deployed and at home, as these changes occur. Being supportive physically and emotionally is the best gift you can give your partner.

For many married Soldiers, such as Sgt.1st Class Leroy J. Fontenot of Beaumont, Texas, this deployment is not his first. He has been through the ups and downs, deployment extensions, and redeployment, and has found ways of empowering his relationship over time. Fontenot and others like him, who have been married more than 17 years, are mentors for newlyweds and for those who seek advice on maturity and patience. They all agree that writing letters is a great way to keep your spouse's spirits high. Take pictures of yourself and your family to mail along with your letters to increase morale. Seeing pictures helps keep you in touch.

The morale, welfare, and recreation centers and many family-oriented programs have also helped to lessen strains by implementing various programs to facilitate communication.

The MWR is equipped with multiple phone and computer stations, movie centers, pool tables, and other fun-filled events, all free of charge. These not only help spouses keep in touch with one another, but they also provide an outlet for deployed spouses to relax. Your spouse on the home front can partake in various programs sponsored by Army Community Service. Participating in military groups, community activities, and becoming active in your Family Readiness Group can help in relieving your deployed spouse's worries.

Making a marriage successful is not as easy as portrayed. Both partners must be supportive and willing to do whatever it takes to make the marriage work.

Spc. Michelle Martinez of Clarksdale, Texas, says, "As a couple, my spouse and I have a great relationship." He gives so much support, he's patient and understanding. Before leaving she talked a lot about the deployment process, and she said that her husband understood that she wanted to better her life for her family. Open communication in essential. They discuss situations on every aspect of her job and performance. All marriages have their good and bad times, but if you and your spouse have faith, trust, and open communication, you have the keys for success. Marrying into the military is indeed a big step. If you are sincere with your spouse on your job and duty description, your spouse will more than likely be supportive and receptive of the challenges to come. The unity in your relationship will surely shape a successful marriage.