WEBVTT 00:05.300 --> 00:07.522 And ladies and gentlemen , while you're 00:07.522 --> 00:09.689 doing that , I have two administrative 00:09.689 --> 00:11.856 announcements . Uh , the first banquet 00:11.856 --> 00:15.279 seating is available on the app on the 00:15.289 --> 00:17.511 home page . You can go to the home page 00:17.511 --> 00:19.622 and find your banquet seating there . 00:19.622 --> 00:22.200 There is also a printed copy out by the 00:22.209 --> 00:24.979 A T A registration desk . Uh , but 00:24.989 --> 00:26.933 that's where you find your banquet 00:26.933 --> 00:29.156 seating . And then I would like to also 00:29.156 --> 00:31.770 remind you all that the , uh silent 00:31.780 --> 00:35.400 auction bids do not close out uh until 00:35.419 --> 00:37.697 just right before we start the banquet . 00:37.697 --> 00:40.060 So during tonight's reception , if you 00:40.069 --> 00:42.013 are interested in making one final 00:42.013 --> 00:44.180 silent bid on any of the items to help 00:44.180 --> 00:46.430 the scholarship fund , uh , you're more 00:46.439 --> 00:48.849 than welcome to do that , uh , up , up 00:48.860 --> 00:50.916 until about 10 minutes before you go 00:50.916 --> 00:53.082 upstairs , uh for the banquet itself . 00:53.990 --> 00:56.189 Ok . If we could get everybody seated 00:57.369 --> 01:01.069 and quiet , this is a real distinct 01:01.080 --> 01:03.869 honor . Uh This is a real privilege . I 01:03.880 --> 01:05.658 would now like to introduce the 01:05.658 --> 01:07.547 Commander of Air Mobility Command 01:07.547 --> 01:09.547 General Mike Minahan and his lovely 01:09.547 --> 01:10.769 bride , Mrs Minahan . 01:23.510 --> 01:25.677 All right , I'll try to keep the Irish 01:25.677 --> 01:27.899 down here for a second . So , uh , 2004 01:27.899 --> 01:31.000 I'm a squadron commander . Um and her 01:31.010 --> 01:34.750 pop passes away and we go to 01:34.760 --> 01:36.927 Milton Florida , which is really lower 01:36.927 --> 01:39.093 Alabama in case you're wondering where 01:39.093 --> 01:42.980 it is on geography uh to honor Charles 01:42.989 --> 01:46.839 Andrew Mixon . And I do 01:47.199 --> 01:50.559 the eulogy . We go to the cemetery 01:51.190 --> 01:54.839 and we honor that fine gentleman and on 01:54.849 --> 01:56.839 the way back while we're in the 01:56.849 --> 01:59.500 procession coming back , uh I get a 01:59.510 --> 02:01.989 phone call from a hero of mine named 02:02.000 --> 02:04.750 Jim Barlow , world famous C 130 pilot . 02:05.059 --> 02:08.740 And he tells me , get back to Abilene 02:08.960 --> 02:10.960 tomorrow . You're deploying the day 02:10.960 --> 02:14.399 after tomorrow . So in 02:14.410 --> 02:17.520 Milton Florida , three hours after I 02:17.529 --> 02:21.279 received that phone call , Ashley is 02:21.289 --> 02:24.220 standing next to her newly widowed 02:24.539 --> 02:28.000 mother holding our two month old , 02:29.210 --> 02:33.039 five week old , incredibly 02:33.050 --> 02:35.161 harder at five weeks and they are two 02:35.161 --> 02:35.119 months . 02:38.970 --> 02:42.449 She was uh standing next to our six 02:42.460 --> 02:45.020 year old and her nine year old . And 02:45.179 --> 02:47.559 you know , I'm riding back to Abilene , 02:47.570 --> 02:49.792 I'm getting in the car and I'm going to 02:49.792 --> 02:51.792 drive back to Abilene from Milton , 02:51.792 --> 02:53.848 which is significant uh in Charles's 02:53.848 --> 02:56.839 car and there's tears on both of our 02:56.850 --> 03:00.250 face , but the expression on hers is 03:00.259 --> 03:03.490 one of strength and one of support for 03:03.500 --> 03:06.990 me during that time uh when I needed 03:07.000 --> 03:07.630 her most . 03:14.160 --> 03:16.279 So when I think of warrior heart , my 03:16.289 --> 03:18.679 body craft when I think of will to win , 03:18.869 --> 03:21.460 I think of my bride Ashley . So thank 03:21.470 --> 03:23.580 you . What's the top one ? 03:25.699 --> 03:29.639 Oh OK . I don't 03:29.649 --> 03:32.160 know . I'm supposed to talk now . Ok . 03:32.300 --> 03:36.229 So , so another challenging time in 03:36.240 --> 03:38.296 my life was last year when we became 03:38.296 --> 03:40.407 empty nesters , our youngest went off 03:40.407 --> 03:42.129 to college and I had the great 03:42.129 --> 03:44.240 opportunity of hearing Doctor Dickman 03:44.240 --> 03:47.009 speak last October . And little did she 03:47.020 --> 03:49.242 know that she helped me through a tough 03:49.242 --> 03:53.160 time ? And um , so a MC has 03:53.169 --> 03:56.850 had the great pleasure of asking her to 03:56.860 --> 03:59.940 come speak to parts of our , 04:00.970 --> 04:03.081 well , I say r because it's spouses , 04:03.081 --> 04:05.303 they came and she came and spoke to the 04:05.303 --> 04:08.130 spouses . And um so this is the third 04:08.139 --> 04:10.449 time I've invited her and asked her to 04:10.460 --> 04:12.710 come speak and uh she's been very 04:12.720 --> 04:15.380 gracious . She is a professor at the 04:15.389 --> 04:18.420 Air Force Academy . She has , I think 04:18.429 --> 04:20.750 three degrees in psychology . Is that 04:20.760 --> 04:23.070 correct ? And then she has one in 04:23.079 --> 04:25.135 mental health counseling . She has a 04:25.135 --> 04:28.260 doctor in , in education . Um You're 04:28.269 --> 04:30.790 just gonna feel really wonderful 04:30.799 --> 04:32.966 walking out of here because she's just 04:32.966 --> 04:34.799 a joy . So please welcome Doctor 04:34.799 --> 04:35.799 Dickman . 04:39.070 --> 04:41.850 All right . Thank you , sir . 04:45.799 --> 04:47.910 All right . Let me have you join me . 04:47.910 --> 04:50.132 We're gonna do a stomp , stomp , clap , 04:50.132 --> 04:52.466 stomp , stomp , clap . Let's go . Stomp , 04:52.466 --> 04:53.466 stomp , clap 04:57.970 --> 05:01.339 with . So we will . 05:02.130 --> 05:06.059 Oh , we , so 05:06.070 --> 05:09.859 we will . Nice . Excellent . 05:09.869 --> 05:11.980 Excellent . All right , you're warmed 05:11.980 --> 05:14.202 up because you could have been taking a 05:14.202 --> 05:16.369 nap , but you're here , you could have 05:16.369 --> 05:18.202 been resting , getting ready for 05:18.202 --> 05:20.091 tonight , but you are here . I am 05:20.091 --> 05:22.258 excited to see you and I would like to 05:22.258 --> 05:24.147 get to know you . I'd like to con 05:24.147 --> 05:26.313 connect uh connect with you a bit when 05:26.313 --> 05:28.649 I meet new people . My dau our daughter 05:28.660 --> 05:30.882 say I interrogate them like , where are 05:30.882 --> 05:33.100 you from ? What's your dog's name ? Uh 05:33.109 --> 05:35.589 What do you love ? Who do you love ? 05:35.600 --> 05:37.679 And so because we don't have enough 05:37.690 --> 05:41.559 time , I start out with a roll call . 05:41.570 --> 05:44.679 So you are gonna yell out . Oh Yeah , 05:45.130 --> 05:47.200 if this is true . So give me an oh , 05:47.209 --> 05:48.931 yeah , if you are at the A T A 05:48.931 --> 05:52.519 symposium that's , you've been in the 05:52.529 --> 05:54.696 right place . I'm in the right place . 05:54.696 --> 05:56.862 That's good . Give me an , oh , yeah . 05:56.862 --> 05:58.709 If you are a military spouse . 06:00.010 --> 06:02.410 Nice . Excellent . Give me an of you 06:02.420 --> 06:06.100 grew up as a military brat . Oh , 06:06.109 --> 06:08.329 quite a few . That's awesome . Give me 06:08.339 --> 06:10.506 an oef you're raising some of your own 06:10.506 --> 06:14.440 military brats . Someone back there was 06:14.450 --> 06:17.630 like , oh , I get it . I get it for 06:17.640 --> 06:20.769 sure . Give me an , oh , yeah . If , 06:21.359 --> 06:24.140 when you were in high school , so think 06:24.149 --> 06:26.316 way back for me . But when you were in 06:26.316 --> 06:28.820 high school you knew you'd be doing 06:28.829 --> 06:32.619 what you're doing today . Oh , a few . 06:32.630 --> 06:35.489 Excellent . Excellent . Give me an oh , 06:35.500 --> 06:39.359 yeah . If your family of origin . 06:39.429 --> 06:41.651 So who you grew up with , whatever that 06:41.651 --> 06:44.089 looked like your family of origin did 06:44.100 --> 06:46.179 emotions very well . 06:48.820 --> 06:50.959 Interesting . That's usually the 06:50.970 --> 06:53.137 response we'll talk about that . We'll 06:53.137 --> 06:55.359 talk about that . Give me know . Yeah . 06:55.359 --> 06:57.359 If you are a cat person , not a dog 06:57.359 --> 07:00.980 person . Oh , if you be proud for 07:00.989 --> 07:02.600 sure . Give me , oh , yeah , 07:02.600 --> 07:04.489 relationships and connections are 07:04.489 --> 07:06.711 important for your professional life as 07:06.711 --> 07:09.220 well as your personal life . Yeah , 07:09.230 --> 07:11.329 that's all of us for sure . And so 07:11.339 --> 07:13.506 that's what we're gonna talk about . I 07:13.506 --> 07:15.617 have warmed you up . So your voices , 07:15.617 --> 07:17.839 you know , singers , they go la , la la 07:17.839 --> 07:19.839 and now they're ready . Now you are 07:19.839 --> 07:22.006 ready . I'm gonna ask for you to shout 07:22.006 --> 07:21.760 out . I'm gonna ask for you to turn to 07:21.769 --> 07:24.047 a partner . I physically warmed you up . 07:24.047 --> 07:25.936 You may get up here as we , as we 07:25.936 --> 07:28.690 engage in the content of connection . 07:29.220 --> 07:31.079 Um A good instructor knows their 07:31.089 --> 07:33.145 audience . A good leader knows their 07:33.145 --> 07:36.140 people . That helps to personalize what 07:36.149 --> 07:38.260 I need to get done , what you need to 07:38.260 --> 07:40.427 get done as a leader . So now I know a 07:40.427 --> 07:42.593 little bit about you , I'll connect it 07:42.593 --> 07:44.260 to some of our cat people and 07:44.260 --> 07:46.316 definitely some of our , our parents 07:46.316 --> 07:48.316 who are out there and all of you as 07:48.316 --> 07:52.079 leaders as well . And that um the 07:52.089 --> 07:54.570 energy that you can have in learning 07:54.579 --> 07:56.857 makes a difference in learning as well . 07:56.857 --> 07:59.130 So I will introduce myself a little bit 07:59.140 --> 08:03.019 more . I'll pause for an a oh Thank you . 08:03.029 --> 08:05.170 You're so kind . So you could see , I 08:05.179 --> 08:07.600 grew up as a military brat . My dad was 08:07.609 --> 08:10.019 an incredible soldier and for my 08:10.029 --> 08:12.140 brother and I even more importantly , 08:12.140 --> 08:14.329 the best dad ever . I know we can have 08:14.339 --> 08:16.672 a debate about yours and mine . But man , 08:16.672 --> 08:18.839 he was the best . And even though this 08:18.839 --> 08:20.839 name was not the easiest to grow up 08:20.839 --> 08:24.100 with , I kept it , even after I had a 08:24.109 --> 08:26.331 chance to change it , I kept it because 08:26.331 --> 08:28.553 I really , really honor him . So I grew 08:28.553 --> 08:30.776 up as a military brat , I am a military 08:30.776 --> 08:33.440 spouse . I married an army soldier . My 08:33.450 --> 08:35.561 current husband just retired from the 08:35.561 --> 08:38.390 Air Force as an officer . Same husband 08:38.400 --> 08:41.869 27 years , he switched forces . He 08:41.880 --> 08:44.102 doesn't like when I say current because 08:44.102 --> 08:46.158 there's some implication there , but 08:46.158 --> 08:48.324 we're always working on connecting for 08:48.324 --> 08:52.109 sure . I am a military mom . I have , 08:52.119 --> 08:54.479 we have one daughter who just landed in 08:54.489 --> 08:56.656 Ramstein a few months ago . Let's hear 08:56.656 --> 08:58.878 it from our Ramstein folks if you're in 08:58.878 --> 09:01.640 the house . Oh , yeah , for sure . And 09:01.650 --> 09:05.469 her twin , our youngest , she just went 09:05.479 --> 09:07.349 and um , has started school at 09:07.359 --> 09:09.581 Vandenberg Space Force . She's gonna be 09:09.581 --> 09:11.526 in the sister service of the Space 09:11.526 --> 09:14.239 Force . I am a military sister . The 09:14.250 --> 09:18.000 military is my family and what you do 09:18.219 --> 09:21.570 impacts my family . I am so honored on 09:21.580 --> 09:24.330 Veterans Day to be before you and I 09:24.340 --> 09:27.460 will tell you what you do matters and 09:27.469 --> 09:30.369 you matter . I read some of the history , 09:30.380 --> 09:33.549 your history um in this , in this great 09:33.559 --> 09:37.450 field that you do and um highlighting 09:37.460 --> 09:40.539 after the Berlin , Berlin lift our 09:40.549 --> 09:43.890 forces and your force in particular had 09:43.900 --> 09:46.210 a hard time when they started in Korea . 09:46.270 --> 09:48.679 It was tough . It was tough in terms of 09:48.690 --> 09:50.801 all they already went through their , 09:50.801 --> 09:54.770 their um uh equipment , right , 09:54.780 --> 09:57.380 was worn down , worn out their people a 09:57.390 --> 10:01.039 lot left and yet uh and the , the 10:01.049 --> 10:03.216 names were different then , right , in 10:03.216 --> 10:05.719 terms of , of the commands back then 10:05.729 --> 10:08.250 and , and the uh the names that they 10:08.260 --> 10:11.780 used . But without your predecessors , 10:11.929 --> 10:15.309 I would say , most likely I wouldn't be 10:15.320 --> 10:18.609 here . And so it may not feel like it 10:18.619 --> 10:21.169 on a daily basis , right ? The , the 10:21.179 --> 10:23.650 mundane here I am Monday morning doing 10:23.659 --> 10:26.099 this . What is it doing ? It may not 10:26.109 --> 10:28.450 feel like it , but what you do matters . 10:28.570 --> 10:31.140 So I thank you . I thank you . So , 10:31.150 --> 10:33.372 academically , as you heard , I work at 10:33.372 --> 10:35.594 the Air Force Academy , I teach , I get 10:35.594 --> 10:37.317 to teach topics like emotional 10:37.317 --> 10:39.372 intelligence , human connection , um 10:39.372 --> 10:41.934 healthy relationships , burnout all of 10:41.945 --> 10:44.934 those fields . And for our cadets , I 10:44.945 --> 10:47.112 teach a class in the bio department in 10:47.112 --> 10:50.005 human , reproduction and sexuality . We 10:50.015 --> 10:52.182 won't get to talk about today . I know 10:52.184 --> 10:54.295 you're bummed because it's an awesome 10:54.295 --> 10:57.315 topic and I teach a class in hu um 10:57.585 --> 11:00.130 positive psychology . So positive 11:00.140 --> 11:01.918 psychology , if you think about 11:01.918 --> 11:03.973 psychology as a continuum and at one 11:03.973 --> 11:07.210 end , we address depression , anxiety , 11:07.219 --> 11:10.109 grief , post traumatic stress , post 11:10.119 --> 11:12.119 traumatic stress disorder , right ? 11:12.119 --> 11:14.950 That's at one end . And in my career , 11:14.960 --> 11:17.530 I , I worked in that end of psychology . 11:17.539 --> 11:19.650 And so if you came to me and you were 11:19.650 --> 11:22.940 depressed and you worked hard and you 11:22.950 --> 11:25.119 worked through it and I'm gonna 11:25.130 --> 11:27.352 highlight this . We don't get over it . 11:27.352 --> 11:29.352 We don't leave it behind . We don't 11:29.352 --> 11:31.519 forget it . We have to work through it 11:31.519 --> 11:33.519 if you worked through it and then I 11:33.519 --> 11:35.630 could say off you go , you don't have 11:35.630 --> 11:38.219 to come back . It did not mean that you 11:38.229 --> 11:41.250 were happy or that you had joy , 11:41.270 --> 11:43.270 connection , belonging , meaning or 11:43.270 --> 11:45.739 purpose . All it meant was you were no 11:45.750 --> 11:48.729 longer depressed . And if you think 11:48.739 --> 11:51.250 about this short life that we have , if 11:51.260 --> 11:53.320 that's the measure of our life is to 11:53.330 --> 11:56.869 just not be sad , it's not enough . And 11:56.880 --> 11:59.102 so positive psychology is on that other 11:59.102 --> 12:01.450 end of that spectrum . And it looks at 12:01.460 --> 12:03.950 how do we find meaning , purpose , 12:03.960 --> 12:06.979 connection , love , joy , happiness , 12:07.320 --> 12:10.169 pleasure , that's positive psychology . 12:10.630 --> 12:12.929 And often times people will say , OK , 12:12.940 --> 12:15.107 just give me the bottom line . What do 12:15.107 --> 12:16.940 I need to do ? Like , you know , 12:16.940 --> 12:19.051 they'll say how many hours at the gym 12:19.051 --> 12:21.273 to , to work on this or what kind , how 12:21.273 --> 12:23.051 many fruits and vegetables like 12:23.051 --> 12:25.273 everyone wants the minimum . So when it 12:25.273 --> 12:27.329 comes to positive psychology , there 12:27.329 --> 12:29.440 are many ways to create a good life . 12:29.440 --> 12:31.718 But the number one across all research , 12:31.718 --> 12:33.549 it's relationships . It's the 12:33.559 --> 12:35.615 relationships that you have . So I'm 12:35.615 --> 12:37.503 gonna talk about this both from a 12:37.503 --> 12:39.726 personal perspective for you as well as 12:39.726 --> 12:41.726 a professional perspective . And so 12:41.726 --> 12:43.892 with that , I will highlight that this 12:43.892 --> 12:46.003 presentation comes from research , it 12:46.003 --> 12:48.226 comes from science . It is not Kimberly 12:48.226 --> 12:50.400 me just making it up and trying to 12:50.409 --> 12:52.631 influence you . It comes from science . 12:52.631 --> 12:54.298 And so here are some of those 12:54.298 --> 12:56.465 references , some of those resources , 12:56.465 --> 12:58.409 if you wanna know more , this is a 12:58.409 --> 13:00.465 great place to start . Most of these 13:00.465 --> 13:02.445 authors are researchers , they're 13:02.455 --> 13:04.677 academics , they bring in subjects into 13:04.684 --> 13:06.906 the lab randomized control trial . They 13:06.906 --> 13:09.265 have data , they publish it in journals 13:09.484 --> 13:13.044 and maybe five people in the world ever 13:13.054 --> 13:15.184 read it , including your mom . So it 13:15.195 --> 13:17.251 doesn't count , right ? So they have 13:17.251 --> 13:19.417 this great information , but they want 13:19.417 --> 13:21.424 to have that knowledge , make a 13:21.434 --> 13:24.309 difference and that's different . It 13:24.320 --> 13:26.859 said that knowledge is power , but I 13:26.869 --> 13:28.900 really challenge that knowledge is 13:28.909 --> 13:32.650 potential power . Unless you use it , 13:32.659 --> 13:35.239 there's no power in it . I know these 13:35.250 --> 13:37.139 things in here . What I should do 13:37.139 --> 13:39.250 shouldn't do , do more of et cetera . 13:39.250 --> 13:41.139 And yet my behaviors don't always 13:41.139 --> 13:44.559 follow that . And so these academics 13:44.570 --> 13:47.969 with all this information find that we 13:47.979 --> 13:51.260 are more likely to learn and use if 13:51.270 --> 13:53.381 it's in a book form . So that's why I 13:53.381 --> 13:55.603 highlight that we're gonna walk through 13:55.603 --> 13:57.603 some of the science of connection , 13:57.603 --> 13:59.659 starting with some of the science of 13:59.659 --> 14:01.881 loneliness and lack of connection . And 14:01.881 --> 14:03.937 then we'll look at the workplace and 14:03.937 --> 14:06.159 how it's related and then we'll connect 14:06.159 --> 14:08.048 a little bit , we'll dip a toe in 14:08.048 --> 14:10.270 emotional intelligence and we'll talk a 14:10.270 --> 14:11.992 bit about our Gen Z's and I'll 14:11.992 --> 14:14.159 highlight , sir , one of your books is 14:14.159 --> 14:16.326 on here . I was very happy to see that 14:16.326 --> 14:18.270 we're , we're thinking the same in 14:18.270 --> 14:20.326 terms of this next generation of our 14:20.326 --> 14:22.326 airmen and what we need to know and 14:22.326 --> 14:24.492 what they need to know , to be able to 14:24.492 --> 14:26.326 make this force agile , lethal , 14:26.409 --> 14:30.090 effective to change this globe . All 14:30.099 --> 14:33.159 right . So the longest study on human 14:33.169 --> 14:35.280 development started at Harvard . They 14:35.280 --> 14:37.679 had a , oh , just over 200 men who were 14:37.690 --> 14:40.489 sophomores in the Harvard college class , 14:40.500 --> 14:42.611 uh during that year . And they had um 14:42.619 --> 14:45.830 just over 300 men in the inner city of 14:45.840 --> 14:48.940 Boston . So low socio-economic class , 14:48.950 --> 14:51.380 um , adverse childhood experiences or 14:51.390 --> 14:53.612 aces if you're familiar with that , and 14:53.612 --> 14:55.723 they started this study and they went 14:55.723 --> 14:58.190 every two years with these men to ask 14:58.200 --> 15:00.380 them about their lives . How's work ? 15:00.390 --> 15:02.557 How's your relationships on a scale of 15:02.557 --> 15:05.099 1 to 9 ? You're married ? Now , how is 15:05.109 --> 15:08.020 that going ? Um , they did brain scans , 15:08.030 --> 15:10.197 they did blood tests and they followed 15:10.197 --> 15:13.710 these men now for over 80 years , they 15:13.719 --> 15:15.909 started following their spouses , 15:15.919 --> 15:18.030 surveying , taking blood samples from 15:18.030 --> 15:20.030 spouses and the spouses were like , 15:20.030 --> 15:22.252 it's about time you come here every two 15:22.252 --> 15:24.419 years anyways , they started following 15:24.419 --> 15:26.475 their Children , their grandchildren 15:26.475 --> 15:29.010 and now their great grandchildren and 15:29.020 --> 15:31.242 the researchers thought they were gonna 15:31.242 --> 15:34.340 find how well you do in life , how much 15:34.349 --> 15:36.238 power you have at your job , your 15:36.238 --> 15:38.580 promotions , your money , how much 15:38.590 --> 15:40.880 money you make would make a difference 15:40.890 --> 15:43.530 in terms of physical health , longevity . 15:43.859 --> 15:46.026 And in terms of happiness , but that's 15:46.026 --> 15:48.137 not what they found . That's not what 15:48.137 --> 15:50.359 they found at all . I'll let you read . 15:50.359 --> 15:52.581 This is the current director , I'll let 15:52.581 --> 15:53.748 you read his words . 16:02.099 --> 16:04.359 So it's about connection . If you want 16:04.369 --> 16:06.425 to live longer , if you want to live 16:06.425 --> 16:08.647 healthier and if you want to be happy , 16:08.647 --> 16:10.869 it is about your relationships and what 16:10.869 --> 16:13.036 they found was your relations . One of 16:13.036 --> 16:15.202 their findings , your relationships at 16:15.202 --> 16:17.409 the age of 50 will determine how long 16:17.419 --> 16:19.760 you will live . Some of you are like , 16:19.770 --> 16:22.260 oh , shoot . Right . If you're there or 16:22.270 --> 16:24.659 it was a few years ago , am I stuck ? 16:24.669 --> 16:26.725 I'm gonna show you that you're not , 16:26.725 --> 16:28.836 but the importance of relationships . 16:28.836 --> 16:31.299 And if we overlay this in the world of 16:31.309 --> 16:34.119 work , it is estimated Monica Werlein 16:34.130 --> 16:36.074 out of uh University of Michigan , 16:36.074 --> 16:38.549 estimated that we work about 100,000 16:38.559 --> 16:41.679 hours at our job . Some of you , you've 16:41.690 --> 16:43.989 surpassed that . Like your spouses have 16:44.000 --> 16:46.222 been telling you like , that's enough . 16:46.222 --> 16:48.389 That's enough . Yeah , 100,000 hours . 16:48.389 --> 16:50.556 And at work you're doing good things , 16:50.556 --> 16:53.010 things and we're having failures . 16:53.020 --> 16:55.479 We're having difficulties , right ? All 16:55.489 --> 16:57.799 the gamut of emotions happened in that 16:57.809 --> 17:00.450 100,000 hours . The latest research 17:00.460 --> 17:02.989 released just last summer , 2022 from 17:03.000 --> 17:06.410 the Gallup poll , 15,000 workers in the 17:06.420 --> 17:08.770 United States were surveyed and they 17:08.780 --> 17:11.459 were asked , do you have a best friend 17:11.469 --> 17:13.918 at work ? And when I read that I'm like , 17:13.928 --> 17:16.039 oh my gosh , it's like kindergarten , 17:16.039 --> 17:18.206 right ? Your first grader comes home , 17:18.206 --> 17:20.428 like , who's your best friend at work ? 17:20.428 --> 17:22.539 What the Gallup study found is if you 17:22.539 --> 17:24.539 have a best friend at work , you do 17:24.539 --> 17:26.609 better at work , you do better 17:26.619 --> 17:29.209 cognitively , you're more focused , you 17:29.219 --> 17:31.300 do better , like , less mistakes , 17:31.579 --> 17:33.468 right ? You do better in terms of 17:33.468 --> 17:35.301 loyalty to the organization . If 17:35.301 --> 17:37.468 someone asked you about your workplace 17:37.468 --> 17:39.635 or your , uh , what you do for the Air 17:39.635 --> 17:41.890 Force , you would list it as high , you 17:41.900 --> 17:44.599 drink it as high as positive that they 17:44.704 --> 17:47.694 are not taking special duties , right ? 17:47.704 --> 17:50.084 Trying to deploy to get out of that 17:50.094 --> 17:52.724 unit , right ? They are more committed 17:52.734 --> 17:55.704 happier . They do well , when we have a 17:55.714 --> 17:57.825 best friend at work . So whether it's 17:57.825 --> 17:59.936 relationships on your personal life , 17:59.936 --> 18:02.103 your professional life , relationships 18:02.103 --> 18:04.685 matter , they make a difference . So 18:04.694 --> 18:06.583 I'll give you a little bit of the 18:06.583 --> 18:08.694 scientific background way back when , 18:08.694 --> 18:10.916 right ? This is Charles Darwin and he's 18:10.916 --> 18:13.310 famous for saying survival of the 18:13.319 --> 18:15.719 fittest . Yeah , we twisted it though . 18:15.849 --> 18:18.020 He did not say the biggest baddest , 18:18.030 --> 18:20.500 strongest , toughest like things 18:20.510 --> 18:22.566 because he knows we , we aren't that 18:22.729 --> 18:25.640 right . He didn't say that . And the 18:25.729 --> 18:28.979 researchers before him said the goal of 18:28.989 --> 18:31.520 our species is to procreate to make 18:31.530 --> 18:34.930 sure our genes are passed on for Darwin . 18:34.939 --> 18:37.439 He said the fittest is the clan , the 18:37.449 --> 18:39.780 group , the tribe who has the most 18:39.790 --> 18:42.510 compassion , the one that has the most 18:42.520 --> 18:45.109 love , the one that can empathize and 18:45.119 --> 18:48.069 care . And he knew this from watching 18:48.079 --> 18:50.949 species and he knew it as he watched 18:50.959 --> 18:53.130 his daughter pass away . He said there 18:53.140 --> 18:55.150 is something in us , we are made to 18:55.160 --> 18:57.670 connect . We have to connect . And if 18:57.680 --> 18:59.969 you think biologically almost anyone 18:59.979 --> 19:03.069 can make a baby . But if you don't love 19:03.079 --> 19:05.310 and care for that baby , they don't 19:05.319 --> 19:07.810 survive to then procreate to pass on 19:07.819 --> 19:10.152 your genes . Like that just makes sense . 19:10.152 --> 19:11.986 We are made to connect . We have 19:11.986 --> 19:14.569 survived . Not on our own . Back on the 19:14.579 --> 19:18.160 Savannah , we survive because we are a 19:18.170 --> 19:20.630 clan , a tribe , a squadron , a team . 19:20.780 --> 19:23.270 That's how we survive both personally , 19:23.280 --> 19:25.391 as well as the missions that you have 19:25.391 --> 19:27.739 to have to get done . So as we look at 19:27.750 --> 19:29.806 infants , if you look at these two , 19:29.806 --> 19:31.972 they're about the same age and you can 19:31.972 --> 19:34.083 kind of see with the nonhuman primate 19:34.083 --> 19:36.028 there that they're already feeding 19:36.028 --> 19:38.989 themselves . And yet for us , we 19:39.000 --> 19:42.160 actually physically depend on others to 19:42.170 --> 19:45.949 stay alive . At least 18 years , 19:46.619 --> 19:50.619 24 years , maybe 30 years 19:50.630 --> 19:52.352 in your basement , right ? But 19:52.352 --> 19:54.989 physically needing to survive . And yet 19:55.000 --> 19:57.439 we know as well , emotionally , 19:57.449 --> 19:59.839 cognitively , socially , 19:59.849 --> 20:02.430 psychologically , the relationships we 20:02.439 --> 20:05.260 have make a difference . So I'm gonna 20:05.270 --> 20:07.381 show you a little bit of biology . So 20:07.381 --> 20:10.469 when we , when they uh had technology , 20:10.479 --> 20:12.479 they proved that Darwin was right . 20:12.479 --> 20:14.701 They bring in these young people . This 20:14.701 --> 20:16.868 is from Berkeley , uh Doctor Keltner . 20:16.868 --> 20:19.090 They bring in these young people , they 20:19.090 --> 20:21.090 scan their brains and when they see 20:21.090 --> 20:23.540 pictures of other suffering of others 20:23.550 --> 20:27.310 who are um suffering . The PAG 20:27.319 --> 20:30.650 lights up the PAG peral ductal gray , 20:30.660 --> 20:33.109 it lights up . And if you know the 20:33.119 --> 20:35.910 brain , it's way way deep in that brain 20:35.920 --> 20:38.050 stem , which means it's protected 20:38.060 --> 20:40.589 because it's important . That's where 20:40.599 --> 20:42.821 our breathing , heartbeat , digestion , 20:42.821 --> 20:44.766 things that we don't have to think 20:44.766 --> 20:46.932 about . So now think about that when I 20:46.932 --> 20:49.099 see you suffering , when I see someone 20:49.099 --> 20:52.479 in need , that same area lights up , it 20:52.489 --> 20:55.300 is biologically made in us . The other 20:55.310 --> 20:57.477 part I'm gonna talk about is the vagus 20:57.477 --> 20:59.588 nerve . It's our largest nerve starts 20:59.588 --> 21:01.643 at the base of your brain . It wraps 21:01.643 --> 21:03.588 around our throat , our face , our 21:03.588 --> 21:05.754 heart , our stomach , our intestines , 21:05.754 --> 21:07.977 testes , ovaries , whatever you have at 21:07.977 --> 21:09.810 the end there , it helps us with 21:09.810 --> 21:11.810 staying balanced , it helps us stay 21:11.810 --> 21:13.921 conscious , it helps with digestion , 21:13.921 --> 21:16.032 it helps with . It's a pretty amazing 21:16.032 --> 21:19.060 nerve . It also lights up . It's called 21:19.069 --> 21:22.050 a big old response . It lights up when 21:22.060 --> 21:24.719 we see someone else in need . Let's 21:24.729 --> 21:27.959 test your vagus nerve . Give me an oh 21:27.969 --> 21:30.191 Yeah . If you felt like a tightening in 21:30.191 --> 21:32.136 your throat , an expansion in your 21:32.136 --> 21:34.369 chest , maybe it was a speck of dust 21:34.380 --> 21:36.436 that got in your eye . Give me an Oh 21:36.436 --> 21:38.910 Yeah . Yeah . That's your vagus nerve , 21:38.920 --> 21:41.031 right . We respond to others . We are 21:41.031 --> 21:43.253 made . It is biologically built in us . 21:43.253 --> 21:45.040 It is not a weakness , it's not 21:45.050 --> 21:48.479 something we get rid of . And so to be 21:48.489 --> 21:51.959 the best that we can , we can use that 21:52.199 --> 21:54.949 to be the best that we can . Let me go 21:54.959 --> 21:56.680 over a little bit in terms of 21:56.689 --> 21:58.856 loneliness . And here's what we know . 21:58.856 --> 22:00.856 The surgeon general just released a 22:00.856 --> 22:02.967 report 23 months ago that says we are 22:02.967 --> 22:05.189 in an epidemic of loneliness . Gen Z is 22:05.189 --> 22:07.022 our first term airmen , our high 22:07.022 --> 22:08.967 schoolers , our college students , 22:08.967 --> 22:08.880 those who are just entering the 22:08.890 --> 22:11.057 workforce is just , they are described 22:11.057 --> 22:13.839 as the loneliest generation ever . Here 22:13.849 --> 22:16.127 are some of the outcomes of loneliness . 22:16.280 --> 22:17.780 I'll let you take a read . 22:27.530 --> 22:29.752 So that very first one , when I started 22:29.752 --> 22:31.586 studying loneliness and a lot of 22:31.586 --> 22:33.880 research out of Chicago and Berkeley , 22:34.290 --> 22:36.401 that first one surprised me . Like if 22:36.401 --> 22:38.401 I'm lonely , why would that make me 22:38.401 --> 22:40.346 more lonely ? And yet , here's the 22:40.346 --> 22:42.457 great scenario that shows that if you 22:42.457 --> 22:44.623 think about way back , way back when , 22:44.623 --> 22:46.846 if I was on the Savannah and I came out 22:46.846 --> 22:48.957 of the cave and you were my tribe and 22:48.957 --> 22:51.179 you said Kimberly go keep going , don't 22:51.179 --> 22:53.346 come back that for me would be certain 22:53.346 --> 22:55.234 death . But here I go , I take my 22:55.234 --> 22:57.068 shield , I take my sword and I'm 22:57.068 --> 22:59.179 walking on the Savannah and I see you 22:59.179 --> 23:01.179 and I don't know you . I am ready , 23:01.179 --> 23:03.234 right ? You are danger . My brain is 23:03.234 --> 23:05.234 hyper vigilant to danger . And if I 23:05.234 --> 23:07.401 don't know you , you are danger . If I 23:07.401 --> 23:09.568 hear something , squirrel lion doesn't 23:09.568 --> 23:11.623 matter , I am up , I am ready . That 23:11.625 --> 23:14.114 stress , right ? That level of stress , 23:14.125 --> 23:16.834 chronic stress in the body leads to 23:16.844 --> 23:19.275 constricted veins , arteries leads to 23:19.285 --> 23:20.875 heart disease . It leads to 23:20.885 --> 23:23.114 inflammation in the joints . It leads 23:23.125 --> 23:26.699 to early death . And if you think about , 23:26.709 --> 23:28.876 if I see you and you are on the ground 23:28.876 --> 23:31.339 and you are hurt , I can't man . If I'm 23:31.349 --> 23:33.238 down here helping you , who knows 23:33.238 --> 23:35.405 what's gonna attack me here ? The lack 23:35.405 --> 23:37.349 of empathy increases , the lack of 23:37.349 --> 23:39.516 empathy increases when we are lonely . 23:39.516 --> 23:41.760 And now imagine that I have to lay down 23:41.770 --> 23:44.239 to close my eyes , put down my shield , 23:44.250 --> 23:46.361 put down my sword . I close my eyes . 23:46.910 --> 23:49.021 What happens when we are lonely is we 23:49.021 --> 23:51.077 have micro awakenings throughout the 23:51.077 --> 23:53.132 night . We don't know it . We're not 23:53.132 --> 23:55.354 sitting up and looking it is our brains 23:55.354 --> 23:57.410 are not processing information , our 23:57.410 --> 23:59.410 bodies are not healing , right ? So 23:59.410 --> 24:01.521 that I wake up even after 78 hours of 24:01.521 --> 24:04.930 laying at night exhausted , which then 24:04.939 --> 24:07.050 for me personally makes me grumpy and 24:07.050 --> 24:09.328 then people don't want to be around me , 24:09.328 --> 24:12.589 etcetera , right ? So a lonely brain um 24:12.760 --> 24:15.829 impacts and create social situations 24:15.839 --> 24:18.061 where people don't want to engage where 24:18.061 --> 24:20.061 I feel more lonely . What is really 24:20.069 --> 24:22.869 amazing is that loneliness will kill us . 24:23.189 --> 24:26.670 It increases the probability of death 24:26.959 --> 24:30.709 by 70% compared to when we're not 24:30.719 --> 24:32.949 lonely . Out of University of Utah , a 24:32.959 --> 24:34.848 researcher there found that it is 24:34.848 --> 24:36.903 equivalent to smoking over a pack of 24:36.903 --> 24:39.579 cigarettes a day if you're lonely . And 24:39.589 --> 24:41.756 I know when I go to the doctor on base 24:41.756 --> 24:44.089 at the academy . They ask me , you know , 24:44.089 --> 24:46.311 how much do you smoke ? How much do you 24:46.311 --> 24:48.200 drink ? Um , they check my weight 24:48.200 --> 24:50.256 because obesity is a big risk factor 24:50.256 --> 24:52.478 for early death . But I have never been 24:52.478 --> 24:54.533 asked . Do you have a best friend at 24:54.533 --> 24:56.533 work ? Do you have a best friend in 24:56.533 --> 24:58.700 your neighborhood ? Who could you call 24:58.700 --> 25:00.811 at two in the morning ? And when they 25:00.811 --> 25:02.811 asked that in the 19 eighties , the 25:02.811 --> 25:04.978 most listed number , not the average , 25:04.978 --> 25:06.867 but the most listed was three for 25:06.867 --> 25:09.089 American adults . They had three people 25:09.089 --> 25:11.256 at two in the morning . If they needed 25:11.256 --> 25:13.200 to call that they would have about 25:13.200 --> 25:15.533 three people in the early two thousands . 25:15.533 --> 25:17.311 They did a similar study asking 25:17.311 --> 25:19.533 similarly , who could you call it to in 25:19.533 --> 25:19.479 the morning if you needed to call 25:19.489 --> 25:21.550 somebody ? The most listed , not the 25:21.560 --> 25:23.640 average , but the most listed number 25:23.829 --> 25:26.989 was zero . And some of these people lay 25:27.000 --> 25:29.449 down next to their sweethearts at night . 25:29.949 --> 25:32.640 Loneliness has skyrocketed since 25:32.650 --> 25:36.219 2012 and then COVID made it even more . 25:36.229 --> 25:38.569 So so afterwards , if you want to talk 25:38.579 --> 25:40.690 about why there's so much science , I 25:40.690 --> 25:42.523 can explain why . But because of 25:42.523 --> 25:44.746 today's time , I'm gonna go forward and 25:44.746 --> 25:46.912 say that loneliness also affects us on 25:46.912 --> 25:49.246 a societal level . And in the workplace , 25:49.410 --> 25:51.632 we know and we have conversations about 25:51.632 --> 25:53.688 politics , splitting us , religion , 25:53.688 --> 25:56.579 splitting us , social uh ideas that 25:56.589 --> 25:59.739 split us . And yet this knowledge that 25:59.750 --> 26:02.760 loneliness is splitting up society as 26:02.770 --> 26:05.349 well , right ? It lowers empathy , it 26:05.359 --> 26:07.660 lowers my want to help and be 26:07.670 --> 26:09.892 compassionate and help you get your job 26:09.892 --> 26:12.003 done , help you with your kids . If I 26:12.003 --> 26:14.059 lonely , I am not reaching out to do 26:14.059 --> 26:17.175 that . It Stokes racism , religious 26:17.185 --> 26:19.555 ethnic tensions , it harms our 26:19.564 --> 26:22.295 collective and I am going to 26:22.305 --> 26:25.765 hypothesize that that also is impacting 26:25.775 --> 26:29.619 our military . So 26:29.630 --> 26:32.410 the opposite of loneliness then , right 26:32.420 --> 26:34.290 is connection and high quality 26:34.300 --> 26:36.411 connections . When we are connected , 26:36.411 --> 26:38.689 we have more energy , we're more vital , 26:38.689 --> 26:40.522 we have more positive feelings . 26:40.522 --> 26:42.578 Psychologically , we are healthier , 26:42.578 --> 26:44.800 less depression , less anxiety . We are 26:44.800 --> 26:47.199 um physiologically be healthier . I do 26:47.209 --> 26:49.780 not know who would volunteer except 26:49.790 --> 26:51.901 psych 101 students because you got to 26:51.901 --> 26:54.068 get the credit . But researchers bring 26:54.068 --> 26:56.179 you in , they shoot the rhinovirus up 26:56.179 --> 26:58.346 your nose , which is the common cold . 26:58.346 --> 27:00.457 They put you in a room for a week and 27:00.457 --> 27:02.939 they see , see who gets sick , the 27:02.949 --> 27:05.005 people who rated themselves . It's a 27:05.005 --> 27:07.116 subjective feeling of loneliness . As 27:07.116 --> 27:09.660 more lonely , got sick . More another 27:09.670 --> 27:11.892 study . Again , I don't think you could 27:11.892 --> 27:14.003 pay me . They bring you in , they cut 27:14.003 --> 27:16.114 your knee , they don't do anything in 27:16.114 --> 27:15.599 there , they just cut it and then they 27:15.609 --> 27:17.553 put some stitches and they see who 27:17.553 --> 27:20.020 heals faster , who has more infections , 27:20.030 --> 27:22.439 complications , et cetera , we heal 27:22.449 --> 27:24.540 faster if we are connected 27:27.520 --> 27:29.576 at the organizational level . And so 27:29.576 --> 27:31.742 for those of you who are leaders , the 27:31.742 --> 27:33.964 importance of understanding when we are 27:33.964 --> 27:35.742 connected . There's more cooper 27:35.742 --> 27:37.909 operation work gets done better . It's 27:37.909 --> 27:39.798 more effective . It's efficient . 27:39.798 --> 27:41.742 People are loyal . They don't just 27:41.742 --> 27:43.576 memorize your core values . They 27:43.576 --> 27:45.742 actually live them . I will do for you 27:45.742 --> 27:47.853 because you and I are best friends at 27:47.853 --> 27:50.020 work because next time I know you will 27:50.020 --> 27:52.900 do for me . I have cadets who say I'm 27:52.910 --> 27:55.550 gonna five and dive . I'm like , you 27:55.560 --> 27:57.782 haven't even started and you're already 27:57.782 --> 27:59.893 quitting . Right . And I'm hoping , I 27:59.893 --> 28:01.949 am hoping they land in a place where 28:01.949 --> 28:04.116 they feel connection , where they have 28:04.116 --> 28:06.171 a best friend at work where emotions 28:06.171 --> 28:09.750 are a way to connect with others . We 28:09.760 --> 28:11.816 know that communication is better in 28:11.816 --> 28:14.038 adapting to change . And I know in your 28:14.038 --> 28:15.982 organization change is huge . It's 28:15.982 --> 28:18.739 constant , the world changes constant , 28:18.750 --> 28:20.880 but you and your mission change is 28:20.890 --> 28:23.168 constant connection can help you there . 28:24.489 --> 28:26.433 So high quality connections , I'll 28:26.433 --> 28:28.656 define them real quickly . High quality 28:28.656 --> 28:30.822 connections require that it's mutual . 28:30.822 --> 28:32.989 So it's not just one person doing it . 28:32.989 --> 28:34.711 It has to be both high quality 28:34.711 --> 28:36.933 connections are also positive , right ? 28:36.933 --> 28:38.933 Either like I get something you get 28:38.933 --> 28:40.930 something or positive in terms of 28:40.939 --> 28:43.589 emotion . It doesn't mean that I can't 28:44.550 --> 28:46.969 like complain or tell you when I'm sad , 28:46.979 --> 28:48.979 it means that I get something and I 28:48.979 --> 28:51.329 grow from that relationship . And then 28:51.339 --> 28:53.410 finally , it has to be energized . 28:53.420 --> 28:55.587 There has to be some energy in there . 28:55.587 --> 28:57.587 It's not passive , like swiping and 28:57.587 --> 28:59.809 putting a heart on the phone that's not 28:59.809 --> 29:02.031 necessarily a high quality connection . 29:02.380 --> 29:04.979 And one of the factors of loneliness 29:04.989 --> 29:08.130 spiking in 2012 , social media . 29:08.859 --> 29:10.970 Yeah , social media is meant to bring 29:10.970 --> 29:13.192 us together . And yet the research from 29:13.192 --> 29:15.248 T 20 G , especially again with these 29:15.248 --> 29:17.839 Gen Z . Our newest airmen , first term 29:17.849 --> 29:20.280 airmen high school students is social 29:20.290 --> 29:22.401 media gets in the way of connection . 29:22.401 --> 29:24.760 We are lonelier through social media , 29:24.770 --> 29:27.750 not more connected . All right . So as 29:27.760 --> 29:29.649 I said , knowledge is important . 29:29.649 --> 29:31.816 Knowledge can is potential power , but 29:31.816 --> 29:33.927 we got a practice . So we're gonna do 29:33.927 --> 29:36.093 some practice . I did bring my freedom 29:36.093 --> 29:38.093 cow bell . If I need to get us back 29:38.093 --> 29:40.316 into like come back , come back because 29:40.316 --> 29:41.982 you're gonna take off because 29:41.982 --> 29:43.982 connection feels good . It gives us 29:43.982 --> 29:45.982 energy , et cetera . We're gonna go 29:45.982 --> 29:47.982 through three quick exercises . The 29:47.982 --> 29:50.149 first one is positivity resonance . So 29:50.149 --> 29:52.204 positivity resonance is from Barbara 29:52.204 --> 29:54.204 Frederick Fredrickson out of Chapel 29:54.204 --> 29:56.660 Hill Hill . And she says you don't have 29:56.670 --> 30:00.359 to spend hours with someone to connect 30:00.599 --> 30:02.766 because when I started this research , 30:02.766 --> 30:04.988 I'm like , I don't have hours , right ? 30:04.988 --> 30:07.155 Like when Bob comes and he doesn't get 30:07.155 --> 30:07.119 the hint to leave my office , I just 30:07.130 --> 30:09.352 don't have time . It's better for me to 30:09.352 --> 30:11.300 close my door . And yet positivity 30:11.310 --> 30:13.699 resonance says these are micro moments 30:13.829 --> 30:16.579 again from Fredrickson , micro moments 30:16.589 --> 30:18.790 of connection . If you've been to 30:18.800 --> 30:20.800 church , you know this one , you're 30:20.800 --> 30:22.856 gonna stand where you're at , you're 30:22.856 --> 30:25.078 not gonna cross the room , you're gonna 30:25.078 --> 30:27.300 stand , you might need to turn around , 30:27.300 --> 30:29.356 look down the aisle and you're gonna 30:29.356 --> 30:31.300 say hello to three people and then 30:31.300 --> 30:33.133 you're gonna take a seat begin . 30:55.260 --> 30:56.704 I'm going to tell about , 31:00.680 --> 31:02.729 I did have to . Right , because you 31:02.739 --> 31:05.670 feel the energy goes high people . Well , 31:05.680 --> 31:07.736 then , well , where have you been or 31:07.736 --> 31:09.902 what's happening next ? And what about 31:09.902 --> 31:12.013 your dog ? Right . That , that energy 31:12.013 --> 31:14.069 gets high in the room . I got to see 31:14.069 --> 31:16.550 this view . There was touch , people 31:16.560 --> 31:18.760 shaking hands , patting backs , giving 31:18.770 --> 31:21.890 a hug . We as humans need physical 31:21.900 --> 31:25.319 touch . We have unfortunately um 31:25.619 --> 31:28.890 real life people who lacked it as they 31:28.900 --> 31:31.122 grew , they didn't have it as they grew 31:31.122 --> 31:33.369 and we know that it uh impacts it . It 31:33.380 --> 31:36.000 um delays cognitive development , 31:36.010 --> 31:38.066 social development , emotional being 31:38.066 --> 31:40.066 able to control our emotions . When 31:40.066 --> 31:42.599 they opened the orphanages in Romania , 31:42.609 --> 31:44.869 in eastern Europe , the orphans were 31:44.984 --> 31:47.244 fed , they had food in their belly , 31:47.255 --> 31:49.255 but they were not touched when they 31:49.255 --> 31:51.477 scan , scan their brains , their brains 31:51.477 --> 31:53.645 were one third the size of Children , 31:53.655 --> 31:56.964 their same age who had loving caring , 31:56.974 --> 31:59.665 human touch . And in our society right 31:59.675 --> 32:01.785 now , we have a fear of touch and in 32:01.795 --> 32:03.555 the workplace even more so and 32:03.564 --> 32:06.265 absolutely required , right ? With 32:06.275 --> 32:08.331 sexual harassment , sexual assault , 32:08.331 --> 32:10.589 that fear of human touch . But I'm 32:10.599 --> 32:12.710 gonna highlight especially for men in 32:12.710 --> 32:15.390 the room . The research shows that boys 32:15.400 --> 32:19.270 start to be removed from human touch . 32:19.280 --> 32:21.790 They get less human touch than girls 32:21.800 --> 32:25.500 about their Tween years . 11 and 12 at 32:25.510 --> 32:29.339 home , appropriate loving touch . 32:30.150 --> 32:32.949 And yet we know how we are nurtured by 32:32.959 --> 32:36.510 touch , positivity , resonance . There 32:36.520 --> 32:38.869 are moments of connection on Wednesday . 32:38.880 --> 32:41.047 I actually went through the gate , the 32:41.047 --> 32:43.213 defender took my ID and I said , where 32:43.213 --> 32:45.269 have you been ? And she said they're 32:45.269 --> 32:47.436 popping me everywhere . She said , you 32:47.436 --> 32:49.658 know , um where is Waldo ? She's like , 32:49.658 --> 32:51.713 it's where is Wendy ? I , I was like 32:51.713 --> 32:51.449 boom . And I had to go because there 32:51.459 --> 32:54.130 was a line and yet I felt that energy 32:54.219 --> 32:56.275 and now I will remember her name the 32:56.275 --> 32:58.441 next time I see her . But I go into my 32:58.441 --> 33:00.663 office and I'm like , where is Justin ? 33:00.663 --> 33:02.886 Where is Christina ? Because they're my 33:02.886 --> 33:04.941 best friends , right ? That positive 33:04.941 --> 33:07.163 connection . So when you get scanned at 33:07.163 --> 33:09.275 the grocery store , you take a moment 33:09.275 --> 33:11.497 to say , I like your brooch . I noticed 33:11.497 --> 33:14.099 your haircut in the Scandinavian 33:14.109 --> 33:16.331 countries in the grocery stores . There 33:16.331 --> 33:18.810 is a new line lane to check out . It is 33:18.819 --> 33:21.810 called the Slow Lane . People are no 33:21.819 --> 33:24.170 way . There is no way . And yet they 33:24.180 --> 33:26.291 did that because you know , if you're 33:26.291 --> 33:28.402 standing in that lane that the people 33:28.402 --> 33:30.569 who are checking out are going to have 33:30.569 --> 33:32.736 a conversation with a checkout clerk , 33:32.736 --> 33:35.079 most of those folks are elderly because 33:35.089 --> 33:37.256 they don't talk to anyone all day . In 33:37.256 --> 33:39.839 some cases . One young man said , you 33:39.849 --> 33:42.071 know , dad , you can um scan your check 33:42.079 --> 33:44.301 electronically . You don't even have to 33:44.301 --> 33:46.523 go into the bank . And he said , but if 33:46.523 --> 33:48.579 I don't go in the bank , who's gonna 33:48.579 --> 33:50.468 ask me about my arthritis ? Those 33:50.468 --> 33:52.801 moments of connection make a difference . 33:52.801 --> 33:56.050 We don't need 100 best friends and we 33:56.060 --> 34:00.040 know that even 500 Facebook friends can 34:00.050 --> 34:03.079 still make us feel lonely . We do need 34:03.089 --> 34:05.020 a couple of really deep , deep 34:05.030 --> 34:07.780 connections , but we also need those 34:07.790 --> 34:10.260 micro moments of connection throughout 34:10.270 --> 34:12.270 the day . So that's the first one , 34:12.270 --> 34:14.492 positivity , resonance . The second one 34:14.492 --> 34:16.714 is motor synchrony . So motor synchrony 34:16.714 --> 34:18.937 is when our bodies move together and do 34:18.937 --> 34:20.937 the same thing . We've already done 34:20.937 --> 34:23.103 that today . Where did we do that when 34:23.103 --> 34:25.718 we started stomp , stomp , clap . Yeah . 34:25.729 --> 34:27.896 So , right , an instructor does things 34:27.896 --> 34:30.062 on purpose for sure . So I was getting 34:30.062 --> 34:32.279 you motor synchronized motor synchrony 34:32.289 --> 34:34.345 when they bring you into the lab and 34:34.345 --> 34:36.456 they swab your mouth to check out the 34:36.456 --> 34:38.511 neurochemicals that are happening in 34:38.511 --> 34:40.733 your mouth , the hormones and then they 34:40.733 --> 34:42.956 make you do motor synchrony , then they 34:42.956 --> 34:45.178 swab again . They find that we actually 34:45.178 --> 34:47.233 start matching biologically . We are 34:47.233 --> 34:49.400 changed when we do the motor synchrony 34:49.400 --> 34:51.567 together . So think about for a moment 34:51.567 --> 34:53.345 in your head where you do motor 34:53.345 --> 34:57.299 synchrony . So 34:57.309 --> 34:59.642 people will think about dancing , right ? 34:59.642 --> 35:01.476 The conga line , the um the line 35:01.476 --> 35:04.198 dancing . Uh people will think about 35:04.208 --> 35:06.850 singing , right ? Standing in church , 35:06.860 --> 35:09.810 kneeling in church , the uh priest , 35:09.820 --> 35:12.070 the minister says , and you respond . 35:12.169 --> 35:14.580 All right , we do it in PT with 35:14.590 --> 35:16.919 marching . Our cadets sometimes have to 35:16.929 --> 35:18.929 march at lunch quite a lot and they 35:18.929 --> 35:20.929 don't like it . And I'm like , oh , 35:20.929 --> 35:23.207 it's so good for you . Motor synchrony . 35:23.207 --> 35:25.469 They're like , no , in sports . Right . 35:25.479 --> 35:27.590 In sports we're like , who touch down 35:27.590 --> 35:29.812 the whole arena will go . Wow . Or they 35:29.812 --> 35:32.219 go , ah , ref , you . Right . Sorry . 35:32.229 --> 35:34.580 Not professional . You're awful . Ref , 35:34.590 --> 35:36.368 yeah , that , that , that motor 35:36.368 --> 35:40.129 synchrony or the wave , the wave . 35:40.139 --> 35:43.850 So , I was thinking we could do the A T , 35:43.860 --> 35:46.669 a conga line . It would be awesome . It 35:46.679 --> 35:48.790 would take up all our time . So we're 35:48.790 --> 35:50.901 not some of you like , thank goodness 35:50.901 --> 35:53.123 I'm relieved , but we are gonna do an A 35:53.123 --> 35:56.679 T A wave . We're gonna do the wave . So 35:56.689 --> 35:58.633 here's what we're gonna do . We're 35:58.633 --> 36:00.856 gonna start over here on my left . Your 36:00.856 --> 36:03.078 right . I see that you are the furthest 36:03.078 --> 36:05.078 on that side , ma'am . You're gonna 36:05.078 --> 36:07.245 start us off . You can do a hand , you 36:07.245 --> 36:09.411 can do a scream . You can stand . This 36:09.411 --> 36:11.578 is for everyone . She's gonna start us 36:11.578 --> 36:13.745 off . If I see correctly , we're gonna 36:13.745 --> 36:16.570 go all the way down to the end and take 36:16.580 --> 36:19.090 a breath and then you all are gonna 36:19.100 --> 36:21.378 start us off and we're gonna come back . 36:21.669 --> 36:25.120 Are you ready ma'am ready ? 36:25.129 --> 36:25.699 Go . 36:32.360 --> 36:34.919 Although we do nice . Take a breath and 36:34.929 --> 36:35.929 send it back . 36:44.439 --> 36:47.810 Motor synchrony . The A T A wave . Oh 36:47.820 --> 36:50.370 my gosh . The A T A wave . Ok . So 36:50.379 --> 36:52.620 motor synchrony , it brings us together 36:52.629 --> 36:54.796 when we are motor synchronized . We're 36:54.796 --> 36:57.018 more likely to help each other research 36:57.018 --> 37:00.340 from the steno . Um And let me go on 37:00.399 --> 37:02.621 the other piece , I wanted to highlight 37:02.621 --> 37:04.843 because this is really being challenged 37:04.843 --> 37:07.370 right now is being present . Are you in 37:07.379 --> 37:09.520 the moment ? Are you there ? Are you 37:09.530 --> 37:11.641 seeing the other person ? Most of our 37:11.641 --> 37:13.752 communication is not verbal . Most of 37:13.752 --> 37:15.974 it's non verbal . The other day , I saw 37:15.974 --> 37:18.086 a mom changing a baby . This is not a 37:18.086 --> 37:20.197 judgment , it is just me noticing and 37:20.197 --> 37:22.252 she gave the baby a phone to watch a 37:22.252 --> 37:24.419 cartoon and she's changing the baby on 37:24.419 --> 37:26.752 a public changing table in the restroom . 37:26.752 --> 37:28.919 And I thought , you know , the science 37:28.919 --> 37:31.141 says that that time when we're changing 37:31.141 --> 37:33.252 baby's diapers , not the most fun for 37:33.252 --> 37:35.419 us and yet critical for development of 37:35.419 --> 37:37.252 emotional intelligence , right ? 37:37.252 --> 37:39.474 Because the mom goes oh puy and makes a 37:39.474 --> 37:41.641 face and the baby laughs and she reads 37:41.641 --> 37:43.974 that , oh , that face is not a mad face . 37:43.974 --> 37:46.086 That face is a playing face . And yet 37:46.086 --> 37:48.850 when we're here , we miss that . We're 37:48.860 --> 37:52.219 not present , go and watch when you go 37:52.229 --> 37:55.320 out to eat the tables , everyone's 37:55.330 --> 37:58.060 there and yet they're here . If you are 37:58.070 --> 38:00.292 here and your kid walks in the room and 38:00.292 --> 38:02.292 you say how was your day ? They say 38:03.120 --> 38:05.550 fine , good , right ? And so you're 38:05.560 --> 38:07.838 like you go on , yeah , they said fine , 38:07.838 --> 38:11.010 you miss the micro muscle in their face . 38:11.020 --> 38:13.729 That says this was the worst day for a 38:13.739 --> 38:16.340 12 year old . Are you here at the 38:16.350 --> 38:18.406 office , you're doing this . Someone 38:18.406 --> 38:20.461 walks by , sir , finish my PT test . 38:20.461 --> 38:22.572 I'm gonna go and do this and you just 38:22.572 --> 38:24.739 keep typing , Roger , got you and they 38:24.739 --> 38:27.419 pass you miss when we are not present . 38:28.590 --> 38:30.760 So to be present to be in the room , 38:30.770 --> 38:33.239 not just physically but actually in the 38:33.250 --> 38:36.239 room , the exercise I'll skip because 38:36.250 --> 38:39.560 of time because I want to get to the um 38:39.570 --> 38:42.389 next part about , oops , that is me . I 38:42.399 --> 38:45.870 apologize about um the warrior heart . 38:46.689 --> 38:49.429 So in ourselves and in our culture , we 38:49.439 --> 38:51.350 have both a cognitive culture , 38:51.360 --> 38:53.729 cognitive self and we have an emotional 38:53.739 --> 38:56.209 culture or an emotional self . We do 38:56.219 --> 38:59.370 well at work and especially in what you 38:59.379 --> 39:02.389 do with the cognitive side because 39:02.399 --> 39:04.566 you've got to be smart . You've got to 39:04.566 --> 39:06.732 know your numbers , you've got to know 39:06.732 --> 39:08.899 the timing . You've got to like you've 39:08.899 --> 39:12.560 got to have that intelligence to make 39:12.570 --> 39:14.469 the mission happen . No doubt 39:17.010 --> 39:19.149 in the world of work in your 39:19.159 --> 39:21.103 organization , in your squadrons , 39:21.103 --> 39:23.270 there is an emotional culture and I 39:23.280 --> 39:25.502 would like you , I'd like to ask as you 39:25.502 --> 39:27.669 leave and as you head back home , what 39:27.669 --> 39:30.139 is that in , in , in your organization ? 39:30.149 --> 39:32.427 What is the emotional culture ? What I , 39:32.427 --> 39:34.899 what are the messages about emotions ? 39:34.909 --> 39:36.798 Do they not belong here ? Is it a 39:36.798 --> 39:39.020 weakness ? We don't use them . What are 39:39.020 --> 39:40.853 the messages because it exists , 39:40.853 --> 39:42.965 whether you address it or not , there 39:42.965 --> 39:45.076 is an emotional culture when the boss 39:45.076 --> 39:47.298 is not there , we know how to feel , we 39:47.298 --> 39:49.409 know how to treat each other emotions 39:49.409 --> 39:51.465 come into the they are in the room , 39:51.465 --> 39:53.576 they don't come into it , they are in 39:53.576 --> 39:55.798 the room . So how do you develop that ? 39:55.798 --> 39:58.020 So with that , I want to say one of the 39:58.020 --> 40:00.939 most important questions is how are you ? 40:01.419 --> 40:05.110 And so I ask you , how are you ? Yeah , 40:05.120 --> 40:07.379 everyone's like fine , good or it's 40:07.389 --> 40:09.556 amazing how many people in uniform are 40:09.556 --> 40:11.445 living their dream . They're like 40:11.445 --> 40:13.556 living the dream like , whoa , that's 40:13.556 --> 40:15.889 amazing that we're all living the dream , 40:15.889 --> 40:18.929 right ? And yet to not be detailed with , 40:18.939 --> 40:21.469 how are you one are you present ? Do 40:21.479 --> 40:23.646 you see when the person says fine that 40:23.646 --> 40:25.757 they're really not fine one because I 40:25.757 --> 40:27.757 know you and I know your baseline , 40:27.757 --> 40:30.070 something's off or I look and I notice . 40:30.300 --> 40:32.467 So when we think about this question , 40:32.467 --> 40:34.578 we have to get very detailed in terms 40:34.578 --> 40:36.467 of both the energy as well as the 40:36.467 --> 40:38.522 pleasantness , right ? So there's an 40:38.522 --> 40:41.290 unpleasant to pleasant X axis and then 40:41.300 --> 40:43.860 energy level low to energy level high . 40:43.929 --> 40:46.040 And so this is what that looks like . 40:46.040 --> 40:47.985 Yellow is high energy , pleasant , 40:48.179 --> 40:50.235 green , low energy , unpleasant , et 40:50.235 --> 40:52.457 cetera . So here's what I'd like you to 40:52.457 --> 40:54.512 do . I want you to pick one of those 40:54.512 --> 40:56.457 colors . So red is high energy but 40:56.457 --> 40:58.512 unpleasant and in your head , I want 40:58.512 --> 41:00.735 you to list off as many emotions as you 41:00.735 --> 41:02.790 can or feelings as you can and count 41:02.800 --> 41:05.090 them because I'm gonna ask for your 41:05.100 --> 41:08.280 number . OK . Only about 20 seconds go . 41:19.870 --> 41:22.092 All right . That was less than 20 . But 41:22.092 --> 41:24.148 let me ask . Give me an Oh yeah , if 41:24.148 --> 41:26.370 you could list five or more feelings in 41:26.370 --> 41:29.040 your color . OK . Give me . Oh yeah . 41:29.050 --> 41:32.530 If you could list 10 or more . Oh , 41:32.540 --> 41:34.959 interesting . OK . All right . 41:35.050 --> 41:37.217 Sometimes I have to go to 20 but maybe 41:37.217 --> 41:38.994 not with this audience . So the 41:38.994 --> 41:41.217 importance of the importance of getting 41:41.217 --> 41:43.770 really detailed with our emotions , 41:43.780 --> 41:46.113 with our feelings . Let me show you why . 41:46.113 --> 41:48.580 Here's an example of all that could 41:48.590 --> 41:51.739 fall in there . So imagine if I'm a 41:51.750 --> 41:53.917 presenter and I come to the audience , 41:53.917 --> 41:56.028 what colors would I want the audience 41:56.028 --> 41:59.870 to be yellow , right ? Yellow green , 41:59.879 --> 42:01.879 really , really low green . They're 42:01.879 --> 42:03.935 gonna fall asleep . That's not gonna 42:03.935 --> 42:06.268 help . If they're angry to come in here , 42:06.268 --> 42:08.435 the red not gonna help . Yeah . When I 42:08.435 --> 42:10.546 was in the back room getting ready to 42:10.546 --> 42:12.490 come out here , what colors do you 42:12.490 --> 42:16.439 think ? I had ? Yellow and 42:16.449 --> 42:19.120 red ? Red as in nervousness , right ? 42:19.320 --> 42:21.610 And anyone who performs athletically , 42:21.810 --> 42:25.719 your job speakers , you use the 42:25.729 --> 42:28.959 red to do better , right ? When I'm 42:28.969 --> 42:30.969 nervous , I'm like , OK , that's my 42:30.969 --> 42:33.080 heart getting blood to my head . So I 42:33.080 --> 42:35.358 can remember what I'm gonna say . Look , 42:35.358 --> 42:37.413 let me breathe , let me exhale . You 42:37.413 --> 42:39.469 can use that . Let me ask you if you 42:39.469 --> 42:41.469 have a toddler and you're gonna put 42:41.469 --> 42:43.691 them to bed , what color would you want 42:43.691 --> 42:45.770 them to be ? In green for sure , 42:45.780 --> 42:47.558 because you're gonna have to do 42:47.558 --> 42:49.969 something if they're yellow , excited , 42:50.060 --> 42:53.060 uh , energized exuberant and you're 42:53.070 --> 42:55.292 gonna have to do something different if 42:55.292 --> 42:57.348 they're red . What if you are a boss 42:57.348 --> 42:59.969 and you want to motivate a team that's 42:59.979 --> 43:02.370 not where they need to be , to do the 43:02.379 --> 43:04.546 mission , they need to get done . What 43:04.546 --> 43:05.823 color would you want ? 43:08.719 --> 43:10.775 I didn't hear any . What color would 43:10.775 --> 43:13.320 you want ? You'd , you'd want some red , 43:14.310 --> 43:16.330 not in terms of being angry at the 43:16.340 --> 43:18.530 people , but in terms of let me fire 43:18.540 --> 43:20.484 this up , we gotta go . You're not 43:20.484 --> 43:22.550 gonna be green and chill out . Let's 43:22.560 --> 43:24.671 see what works , right ? It's gonna , 43:24.671 --> 43:27.070 it's a mission . You want the red . So 43:27.080 --> 43:30.340 when it comes to emotions , they are 43:30.350 --> 43:32.919 data , emotions or data , 43:34.790 --> 43:36.901 would you want to make decisions with 43:36.901 --> 43:40.010 less data or more data ? More data , 43:40.020 --> 43:43.320 right ? Emotions can 43:43.330 --> 43:46.090 impact how we engage with others . They 43:46.100 --> 43:48.250 impact how we manage ourselves , they 43:48.260 --> 43:51.500 impact how we get the um outcomes that 43:51.510 --> 43:54.590 we want . And so when we talk about 43:54.600 --> 43:58.459 emotional intelligence , emotional 43:58.469 --> 44:00.580 intelligence is not about getting rid 44:00.580 --> 44:02.747 of emotions . Number one , you can't , 44:03.850 --> 44:06.850 if you are not currently blue , if you 44:06.860 --> 44:09.110 are not currently grieving , you are 44:09.120 --> 44:12.500 grief adjacent , you will feel it . 44:13.270 --> 44:16.639 A parent will pass , a cat will 44:16.649 --> 44:20.639 pass , you'll say goodbye to your child 44:21.379 --> 44:23.899 to your friend . We are grief adjacent . 44:23.909 --> 44:25.965 If you love or care for anyone , you 44:25.965 --> 44:28.076 are grief adjacent , we don't get rid 44:28.076 --> 44:31.280 of it and we are 44:31.290 --> 44:34.350 biologically made to have it . When we 44:34.360 --> 44:36.530 are in the blue . These researchers 44:36.540 --> 44:38.318 have asked you to come into the 44:38.318 --> 44:41.310 research , uh lab . They take a swab of 44:41.320 --> 44:43.830 your t your tears in your eyes to keep 44:43.840 --> 44:45.729 your eyelids from sticking . They 44:45.729 --> 44:48.062 analyze that , they poke you in the eye . 44:48.062 --> 44:50.389 I know pretty mean . They take the 44:50.399 --> 44:53.040 tears and they analyze that . They ask 44:53.050 --> 44:55.272 you if you had a heartbreak to bring in 44:55.272 --> 44:57.272 the picture of your sweetheart that 44:57.272 --> 44:59.494 broke up with you and then you're gonna 44:59.494 --> 44:59.070 tell stories and then they start crying 44:59.080 --> 45:01.302 and the researchers like , yes , I need 45:01.302 --> 45:03.469 those tears and they measure those sad 45:03.469 --> 45:06.500 tears and pretty interestingly sad 45:06.510 --> 45:10.469 tears have more protein so that they 45:10.479 --> 45:12.699 go down our cheek slower . 45:14.610 --> 45:18.310 Why ? So that others will see so that 45:18.320 --> 45:21.379 others will come . So we are not alone 45:21.429 --> 45:24.979 in the blue . And if you take a look at 45:24.989 --> 45:27.870 that loneliness is in the blue . And if 45:27.879 --> 45:29.935 we can change the conversation about 45:29.939 --> 45:33.639 loneliness as a biological 45:33.649 --> 45:36.850 data point for me to know what I need 45:36.860 --> 45:40.580 to do to come out of the blue , if you 45:40.590 --> 45:42.701 are thirsty , I would say here's some 45:42.701 --> 45:44.701 water . And if you're hungry , like 45:44.701 --> 45:46.701 please have this sandwich , I don't 45:46.701 --> 45:48.868 want you to be hungry . So you now you 45:48.868 --> 45:50.979 can focus on your work or so that you 45:50.979 --> 45:52.979 can be good and healthy . If we can 45:52.979 --> 45:56.189 think of loneliness as a need , it is 45:56.199 --> 45:59.169 data that says I need you , I need to 45:59.179 --> 46:01.850 connect . I need a conversation . It is 46:01.860 --> 46:04.399 human , it's built in us . It is not a 46:04.409 --> 46:07.830 weakness . And if we can manage , if we 46:07.840 --> 46:10.409 can run , recognize , understand and 46:10.419 --> 46:13.590 manage emotions , we are going to be 46:13.770 --> 46:15.570 stronger , better 46:17.100 --> 46:19.939 healthier as an organization , as an 46:19.949 --> 46:22.939 individual . I'm gonna go forward 46:23.159 --> 46:25.103 emotional intelligence in the work 46:25.103 --> 46:27.159 culture . Here's what we know and we 46:27.159 --> 46:29.215 already saw connection does this but 46:29.215 --> 46:31.381 emotional intelligence allows for more 46:31.381 --> 46:33.260 engagement at work . It improves 46:33.270 --> 46:35.492 teamwork , it makes us more efficient . 46:35.492 --> 46:38.300 There is less eoig complaints . If 46:38.310 --> 46:40.320 there is emotional intelligence , 46:40.330 --> 46:42.108 recognizing , understanding and 46:42.108 --> 46:44.689 managing emotions in the workplace at 46:44.699 --> 46:46.879 the individual level , we know that it 46:46.889 --> 46:49.439 helps us to have more career success , 46:49.449 --> 46:51.939 emotionally intelligent leaders uh make 46:51.949 --> 46:55.439 more money , they promote faster . It 46:55.449 --> 46:57.116 helps us in terms of personal 46:57.116 --> 46:58.838 relationships , we have better 46:58.838 --> 47:00.838 relationships . As you can see , it 47:00.838 --> 47:03.060 helps us have better health as I , as I 47:03.060 --> 47:05.159 described , uh it is a part of 47:05.169 --> 47:07.830 effective leadership skills . We have 47:07.840 --> 47:10.007 um increased likelihood of promotion . 47:10.007 --> 47:12.284 As I said , it helps us solve problems , 47:12.284 --> 47:14.396 emotional intelligence um helps us in 47:14.396 --> 47:16.562 the workplace . I'm gonna highlight it 47:16.562 --> 47:18.784 doesn't mean that we come into work and 47:18.784 --> 47:20.784 everyone has a tissue box and let's 47:20.784 --> 47:23.007 just like blah blubber , right ? That's 47:23.007 --> 47:25.173 not what I'm talking about . There are 47:25.173 --> 47:27.340 times when I have a pro a problem with 47:27.340 --> 47:29.284 my partner , I come into work that 47:29.284 --> 47:31.507 needs to go into my back pocket because 47:31.507 --> 47:33.729 I got stuff to get done and it's got to 47:33.729 --> 47:35.729 be accurate . But if I don't , then 47:35.729 --> 47:37.889 later come back and pull that out and 47:37.899 --> 47:40.989 go through it , it's gonna impact in 47:41.000 --> 47:43.320 effect when I'm back at work . The next 47:43.330 --> 47:47.260 time , we will try to drink it 47:47.270 --> 47:50.909 away , eat it away , sleep it away for 47:50.919 --> 47:54.030 some have impersonal to deal with that , 47:54.229 --> 47:56.173 that we don't take out of our back 47:56.173 --> 47:58.062 pocket . And we are seeing in our 47:58.062 --> 48:00.285 military and in our veterans , the self 48:00.285 --> 48:03.040 harm and death by suicide motions are 48:03.050 --> 48:06.070 an incredible tool to help us to help 48:06.080 --> 48:09.780 you in terms of your work and what you 48:09.790 --> 48:11.901 need to get done . I'll end here with 48:11.901 --> 48:14.012 one more story about my family . That 48:14.012 --> 48:17.209 is Thomas Dickman . He was the most 48:17.229 --> 48:20.489 incredibly kind , passionate 48:20.870 --> 48:23.659 giving person . My brother and I 48:23.669 --> 48:25.891 learned about compassion and leadership 48:25.891 --> 48:27.947 and servant leadership through him . 48:27.947 --> 48:30.989 Not from powerpoints . Obviously , we 48:31.000 --> 48:33.899 learned from how he led his life . That 48:33.909 --> 48:36.076 is Shin Chung Soup Dickman . That's my 48:36.076 --> 48:38.076 mom . She came , comes from Korea . 48:38.076 --> 48:42.020 She's Chung Soup Dickman . Now , um she 48:42.030 --> 48:43.979 recalls the first time she saw the 48:43.989 --> 48:46.850 letters USA , she didn't know what they 48:46.860 --> 48:48.916 meant . Obviously , she was probably 48:48.916 --> 48:50.916 about this big . She said they fell 48:50.916 --> 48:53.530 from the sky . I was like what she was 48:53.540 --> 48:56.030 like , it was on a cart or a crate or a 48:56.040 --> 48:58.262 barrel or something . She says it was a 48:58.262 --> 49:00.484 barrel . She said the whole village ran 49:00.484 --> 49:02.651 because this cart barrel fell from the 49:02.651 --> 49:05.050 sky . It had usa on it . They opened it 49:05.060 --> 49:07.171 and it was food . It was food for her 49:07.171 --> 49:09.393 village . The village actually got sick 49:09.393 --> 49:11.727 because they thought it was pancake mix . 49:11.727 --> 49:13.893 So they made pancakes and they all ate 49:13.893 --> 49:15.782 it and they all got sick and they 49:15.782 --> 49:18.300 learned that it was powdered milk . The 49:18.310 --> 49:20.477 first time she saw a caucasian man and 49:20.477 --> 49:22.366 a black man . All the kids in her 49:22.366 --> 49:24.366 village were like USA USA . They're 49:24.366 --> 49:26.532 here . So they run up the hill . There 49:26.532 --> 49:28.850 is a military vehicle , two men who 49:28.860 --> 49:31.110 wore your uniform standing there . 49:34.040 --> 49:36.810 Anyone who goes through the challenges 49:36.820 --> 49:39.042 that she went through and other nations 49:39.042 --> 49:42.360 go through . It builds toughness . She 49:42.370 --> 49:44.481 is the toughest . One of the toughest 49:44.481 --> 49:46.592 people . I know when we were little , 49:46.592 --> 49:48.703 she told my brother and I , you don't 49:48.703 --> 49:51.580 hit people but if they hit you , you 49:51.590 --> 49:53.757 come back five times as hard . So they 49:53.757 --> 49:56.080 will never mess with you again . Yeah , 49:56.179 --> 49:58.346 my oldest daughter is only about three 49:58.346 --> 50:00.235 years older than the twins and as 50:00.235 --> 50:02.290 siblings will do , they bug the heck 50:02.290 --> 50:04.512 out of her when she was little . And my 50:04.512 --> 50:06.679 mom told her our oldest daughter , you 50:06.679 --> 50:08.790 go beat them up like physically , you 50:08.790 --> 50:11.012 beat them up and they will never bother 50:11.012 --> 50:13.290 you again . I had to intervene , right ? 50:13.590 --> 50:16.850 For sure . My brother when he came home 50:16.860 --> 50:20.090 um with his team one day , they were 50:20.100 --> 50:21.822 telling a story about how they 50:21.822 --> 50:24.399 excavated one of the uh military 50:24.409 --> 50:26.860 targets from a hole in the desert . 50:28.060 --> 50:31.439 They , they took him out . And my mom 50:31.449 --> 50:33.671 said , why did you keep him alive ? You 50:33.671 --> 50:35.838 should have just put a bullet in him . 50:35.838 --> 50:37.949 And my brother is a navy seal . She's 50:37.949 --> 50:40.510 tough . She's tough . And they remind 50:40.520 --> 50:42.353 me and I am blessed to have been 50:42.370 --> 50:45.399 brought up . Um They remind me of this 50:45.409 --> 50:47.631 Buddhist saying that says to go through 50:47.631 --> 50:50.110 life , we need a soft front and a hard 50:50.120 --> 50:53.370 back , right , the soft front to care 50:53.379 --> 50:55.810 and love those that we now work with 50:55.820 --> 50:58.042 and do this mission together with those 50:58.042 --> 51:00.153 that we choose to have in our lives . 51:00.153 --> 51:02.264 Those that we bring into this world , 51:02.264 --> 51:04.320 that soft front and that hard back . 51:04.820 --> 51:06.987 The warrior mind and the warrior heart 51:06.987 --> 51:09.909 are not in opposition . They are needed 51:09.919 --> 51:12.780 to do the jobs that we do the jobs that 51:12.790 --> 51:15.012 you do . And if you think about this as 51:15.012 --> 51:18.179 like AAA propeller or synergy and how 51:18.189 --> 51:21.419 it can spin and spin and lift us to do 51:21.429 --> 51:24.899 amazing things . So give me an Oh yeah . 51:24.909 --> 51:27.131 If you learn something during your time 51:27.131 --> 51:30.310 here at A T A , give me an oe for the 51:30.320 --> 51:33.840 warrior heart . Give me one more . Oh 51:33.850 --> 51:36.060 yeah , for all that you do . 51:37.489 --> 51:39.909 Oh , wait a minute . That was not 51:39.919 --> 51:43.050 enough energy . All that you have ours , 51:43.060 --> 51:45.060 our twins are with you now you need 51:45.060 --> 51:47.060 more energy . Give me one more . Oh 51:47.060 --> 51:50.300 yeah , please . Thank you . Thank you 51:50.310 --> 51:52.239 so much . Thank you . Thank you . 52:06.169 --> 52:10.100 But one that I so ladies and gentlemen , 52:10.110 --> 52:12.166 I , I know , I know the calendar . I 52:12.166 --> 52:14.110 know the time better than probably 52:14.110 --> 52:16.166 anybody . OK , I got it . But we got 52:16.166 --> 52:18.221 one question , Doctor Dickman that I 52:18.221 --> 52:20.443 believe is so profound that I , I would 52:20.443 --> 52:22.610 like you to try to address it for us . 52:22.610 --> 52:25.080 What advice would you offer leaders ? 52:25.090 --> 52:27.423 The actual question said senior leaders . 52:27.423 --> 52:29.312 But I think all leaders on how to 52:29.312 --> 52:32.000 connect to na do to the new generation 52:32.010 --> 52:34.310 of airmen who are more vocal about 52:34.320 --> 52:36.620 their feelings . Yes . Yeah . So a 52:36.629 --> 52:38.685 couple of things I'd say you have to 52:38.685 --> 52:40.740 get comfortable with your feelings , 52:40.740 --> 52:42.962 right ? Like they are this generation , 52:42.962 --> 52:44.851 new generation , there's a lot of 52:44.851 --> 52:46.573 criticism of them , but I will 52:46.573 --> 52:48.796 highlight generations are created by uh 52:48.796 --> 52:50.851 technology , what's happening in the 52:50.851 --> 52:52.796 world and parenting . So if you're 52:52.796 --> 52:54.907 pointing at them , we got to point at 52:54.907 --> 52:57.073 us because we're the parents , right ? 52:57.073 --> 52:59.185 And they are comfortable with uh more 52:59.185 --> 53:01.407 comfortable with emotions . They're not 53:01.407 --> 53:01.389 so comfortable with connecting , 53:01.399 --> 53:03.566 they're lacking some of those skills . 53:03.566 --> 53:05.969 Part was COVID part is technology . So 53:05.979 --> 53:08.035 you need to be comfortable with your 53:08.035 --> 53:10.760 emotions and then it is a intention , 53:10.770 --> 53:13.149 an intentional engagement , 53:13.919 --> 53:16.500 conversation connection . I heard 53:16.510 --> 53:18.454 already on all these panels . It's 53:18.454 --> 53:20.732 about making those connections , right ? 53:20.732 --> 53:22.566 Knowing your people having those 53:22.566 --> 53:24.649 conversations , allowing for the 53:24.659 --> 53:27.070 emotion in the workplace . And modeling 53:27.080 --> 53:29.370 when that's not happening now because 53:29.379 --> 53:31.500 we gotta get here . But modeling that 53:31.510 --> 53:34.010 we do come back to that modeling 53:34.020 --> 53:37.370 connection and love . I think is the 53:37.379 --> 53:39.712 best for when we're dealing with anyone , 53:39.712 --> 53:41.935 whether it's the youngest or the oldest 53:41.935 --> 53:44.189 generation , ma'am , on behalf of uh 53:44.199 --> 53:46.250 General Menahan and , and General 53:46.260 --> 53:48.389 Everhart and the entire uh Airlift 53:48.399 --> 53:50.566 Tanker Association , your presentation 53:50.566 --> 53:52.621 was uh not only interesting , it was 53:52.621 --> 53:54.788 extremely thought provoking and we are 53:54.788 --> 53:56.843 very proud to have had you with us . 53:56.843 --> 53:59.010 And if you would please , if you would 53:59.010 --> 53:58.949 stand by for one awards ceremony , uh 53:58.959 --> 54:01.126 I'm gonna get some other people on the 54:01.126 --> 54:03.237 stage . Thank you very much , ma'am . 54:03.237 --> 54:02.409 Yes , 54:07.550 --> 54:09.209 you good . Ok .