WEBVTT 00:01.600 --> 00:03.656 Humans themselves aren't , we're not 00:03.656 --> 00:05.878 stovepiped . We're not , we don't think 00:05.878 --> 00:07.989 in terms of , of , of one program the 00:07.989 --> 00:10.156 other , there's as humans , we want to 00:10.156 --> 00:12.267 take care of our sailors specifically 00:12.267 --> 00:14.670 in mind , body and spirit . You really 00:14.670 --> 00:17.500 need empathy and leaders need empathy 00:17.510 --> 00:19.677 uh to take care of your , take care of 00:19.677 --> 00:21.732 your sailors because it is the right 00:21.732 --> 00:23.732 thing to do . Our nation's greatest 00:23.732 --> 00:26.270 gift that folks give to us are there 00:26.280 --> 00:28.460 are there uh sons and daughters that 00:28.460 --> 00:31.670 come and they trust us and we can't 00:31.670 --> 00:33.837 violate that trust and we need to take 00:33.837 --> 00:36.570 that very seriously when we were on a 00:36.570 --> 00:39.460 ship in a squadron , on a submarine in 00:39.460 --> 00:43.330 a seal platoon or a CV unit . Um There , 00:43.340 --> 00:46.110 what we have is our people in the unit , 00:46.110 --> 00:48.277 cohesion and the connectedness that we 00:48.277 --> 00:50.443 have throughout that , throughout that 00:50.443 --> 00:53.760 command and that connectedness and the 00:53.760 --> 00:55.760 folks that we have there and taking 00:55.760 --> 00:57.927 care of them , it's not only the right 00:57.927 --> 00:59.760 thing to do . It has operational 00:59.760 --> 01:02.160 context to it . And because if , if we , 01:02.170 --> 01:05.520 if we have a culture where people 01:05.530 --> 01:08.600 aren't heard , if people are , are 01:08.610 --> 01:11.120 assaulting other people , then that , 01:11.120 --> 01:13.342 that breaks down that trust , it breaks 01:13.342 --> 01:15.176 down that unit cohesion and then 01:15.176 --> 01:17.390 essentially uh it breaks down the 01:17.390 --> 01:19.290 fibers that hold that , that unit 01:19.290 --> 01:21.500 together and that unit will , will 01:21.500 --> 01:23.444 break up in some ways and people , 01:23.444 --> 01:25.722 people will be lost , unplanned losses . 01:25.722 --> 01:27.944 We talk about that all the time and the 01:27.944 --> 01:31.050 fleet is unplanned losses . I think 01:31.050 --> 01:34.000 that being 01:34.000 --> 01:37.770 transparent um and being accountable 01:37.780 --> 01:41.770 allows a lot of mitigation factors to 01:41.770 --> 01:44.360 happen . Um If you're transparent with 01:44.360 --> 01:46.582 your , with your , the people that work 01:46.582 --> 01:48.749 for you , especially in your shop , my 01:48.749 --> 01:51.710 Thomas M P O at E N three , call me um 01:51.720 --> 01:53.664 on Virginia Beach Boulevard and he 01:53.664 --> 01:56.030 actually just saw me , we passed each 01:56.030 --> 01:58.500 other on Beach Boulevard out one night 01:58.510 --> 02:00.677 and he ends up calling me and saying , 02:00.677 --> 02:04.550 hey , um I lost my friends . I 02:04.560 --> 02:06.560 need to get back and this was early 02:06.560 --> 02:08.790 before Uber was around and I said , 02:08.800 --> 02:10.911 yeah , no problem . Wherever you at , 02:10.911 --> 02:12.967 I'll come meet you and we'll go back 02:12.967 --> 02:15.133 together being transparent and meaning 02:15.133 --> 02:17.356 what you say and being accountable when 02:17.356 --> 02:19.960 if we're standing at that brief on 02:19.960 --> 02:22.182 Friday and I'll tell you , hey , if you 02:22.182 --> 02:24.238 need anything , you call me , answer 02:24.238 --> 02:26.293 the phone on Saturday when that call 02:26.293 --> 02:28.182 happens . Um because it expressed 02:28.182 --> 02:30.238 throughout the ship and then you may 02:30.238 --> 02:32.516 have someone from a different division , 02:32.516 --> 02:34.682 reach out to you and say , hey , I got 02:34.682 --> 02:36.904 your number from , you know , D C P O . 02:36.904 --> 02:39.071 Whoever he said I could call you . Can 02:39.071 --> 02:41.182 you come get me and even if you can't 02:41.182 --> 02:43.238 physically get there , you make sure 02:43.238 --> 02:43.200 that you okay . I'm working to get you 02:43.200 --> 02:45.422 a ride . This person's gonna show up at 02:45.422 --> 02:47.810 this point um doing things like that . 02:47.810 --> 02:50.660 And also in the wardroom , it was 02:50.660 --> 02:53.410 something of if you see an issue , if 02:53.410 --> 02:55.521 you see something , say something and 02:55.521 --> 02:57.743 holding each other accountable , you're 02:57.743 --> 02:59.910 like , hey , we're going out tonight , 02:59.910 --> 02:59.780 but I know you got the inspection in 02:59.780 --> 03:02.790 the morning . You may need to head back 03:02.790 --> 03:04.623 before I do because I don't have 03:04.623 --> 03:06.901 anything tomorrow . That type of thing . 03:06.901 --> 03:09.000 Um It still is a lot of trust and 03:09.000 --> 03:11.278 connection with throughout the command . 03:11.278 --> 03:14.300 And it allows people to be um to depend 03:14.300 --> 03:16.522 on each other if they have to , if they 03:16.522 --> 03:20.180 get into situations , I would say 03:20.180 --> 03:22.950 morale was low . Um If something did 03:22.950 --> 03:25.172 happen , that sailor didn't want to say 03:25.172 --> 03:27.172 anything because it was just like , 03:27.172 --> 03:28.950 what's the purpose of me saying 03:28.950 --> 03:31.117 anything ? Nothing's going to happen ? 03:31.117 --> 03:34.830 Um We had this one instance where it 03:34.830 --> 03:38.590 was a junior sailor and she was touched 03:38.590 --> 03:41.250 inappropriately and she brought it to 03:41.250 --> 03:43.420 me and I was like , go say something 03:43.430 --> 03:45.652 like , and if you don't say something , 03:45.652 --> 03:47.708 I'm gonna say something because it's 03:47.708 --> 03:49.819 not right . And that person should be 03:49.819 --> 03:51.763 held accountable and because there 03:51.763 --> 03:53.874 really wasn't an open door policy and 03:54.150 --> 03:56.206 the command wasn't a great command , 03:56.206 --> 03:58.150 she just felt like she wouldn't be 03:58.150 --> 04:00.372 heard and no one would take her serious 04:00.372 --> 04:02.594 and it would just be like , oh , you're 04:02.594 --> 04:04.706 just complaining to complain or , you 04:04.706 --> 04:04.480 know , you just don't want to do 04:04.480 --> 04:08.240 something knowing I have someone to go 04:08.240 --> 04:11.360 to at any point about anything . The 04:11.360 --> 04:14.250 same thing for the people I work with , 04:14.250 --> 04:16.417 whether there are civilian contractors 04:16.417 --> 04:19.010 and providers or my shipmates . I work 04:19.010 --> 04:22.000 with , um , soldiers in the army side 04:22.010 --> 04:25.510 and that open door policy allows us to 04:25.960 --> 04:28.071 open up on different levels , whether 04:28.071 --> 04:30.016 it be professional , whether it be 04:30.016 --> 04:31.849 issues that we need to discuss , 04:31.849 --> 04:33.682 whether something in an incident 04:33.682 --> 04:35.682 happens and we don't know how to go 04:35.682 --> 04:37.738 reporting and do stuff our own way . 04:37.738 --> 04:39.793 We're able to knock on our LPO , our 04:39.793 --> 04:43.340 service chief , um , it's anybody's 04:43.340 --> 04:46.780 door and come to them with a problem 04:46.790 --> 04:49.220 and they can either help us or they 04:49.220 --> 04:51.387 point us in the right direction , they 04:51.387 --> 04:54.060 guide us to what they think might be 04:54.060 --> 04:56.550 the best decision . And I think that's 04:56.550 --> 04:58.830 benefited us all because we've all gone 04:58.830 --> 05:01.052 through something I know personally , I 05:01.052 --> 05:03.219 know a lot of people that if that open 05:03.219 --> 05:05.219 door policy wasn't , there probably 05:05.219 --> 05:07.441 wouldn't be where they are right now in 05:07.441 --> 05:09.230 their navy careers or clinics , 05:09.240 --> 05:11.830 anything like that because of something 05:11.830 --> 05:13.663 they've been through that . They 05:13.663 --> 05:15.663 thought they couldn't tell her they 05:15.663 --> 05:17.830 couldn't get help with and having that 05:17.830 --> 05:19.941 open door policy really allow someone 05:19.941 --> 05:22.110 to know that their trusted , they are 05:22.110 --> 05:25.020 heard and seen and they're never gonna 05:25.030 --> 05:27.160 be alone for anything . 05:29.120 --> 05:31.120 I think the one thing I keep coming 05:31.120 --> 05:33.176 back to which to me is , is probably 05:33.176 --> 05:35.440 the bottom line on all of this is that 05:35.450 --> 05:37.506 we are all first responders , we are 05:37.506 --> 05:39.450 all bystanders . We all need to be 05:39.450 --> 05:42.520 involved in assuring that we have a 05:42.520 --> 05:46.130 navy that is free of uh sexual assault 05:46.130 --> 05:48.241 and the whole continuum that leads up 05:48.241 --> 05:51.710 to that if you're questioning it , if 05:51.710 --> 05:54.090 you were sitting there saying , is that 05:54.090 --> 05:56.740 okay ? That looks a little funny . Then 05:56.740 --> 06:00.520 you should know that is not . And then , 06:00.530 --> 06:02.641 and then people , whenever they're so 06:02.641 --> 06:04.820 young and they're just getting in and 06:04.820 --> 06:07.042 it's like everybody's doing that in the 06:07.042 --> 06:09.376 office , then they think that it's okay . 06:09.376 --> 06:11.376 And then they're gonna go somewhere 06:11.376 --> 06:13.542 else and be like , well , that's where 06:13.542 --> 06:15.431 we did that in my old office . We 06:15.431 --> 06:17.542 shouldn't have been doing that in the 06:17.542 --> 06:19.770 first place . Nobody really talked to 06:19.770 --> 06:21.992 me too , too much outside of training . 06:21.992 --> 06:23.992 So , you know , I didn't have those 06:23.992 --> 06:25.992 experiences . No , no real issues . 06:25.992 --> 06:28.159 They are training still the same thing 06:28.159 --> 06:30.381 that , that environment more about like 06:30.381 --> 06:34.250 the conversation . So what can we 06:34.250 --> 06:36.417 do for the sailors ? You know ? So the 06:36.417 --> 06:38.528 ideally we want to be the left of the 06:38.528 --> 06:40.470 bang , right ? This is all about 06:40.470 --> 06:42.980 culture of excellence and who we are as 06:42.980 --> 06:45.091 sailors . The United States Navy , we 06:45.091 --> 06:47.510 are truly the best the nation has to 06:47.510 --> 06:51.070 offer and we raise our hands , you 06:51.070 --> 06:53.450 know , and swear to lay down our lives 06:53.460 --> 06:55.516 for the Constitution , United States 06:55.516 --> 06:57.516 now you can get money for college , 06:57.516 --> 06:59.900 doing something else , but something 06:59.910 --> 07:02.360 drove you internally to walk into the 07:02.360 --> 07:04.416 recruiting station and say , hey , I 07:04.416 --> 07:06.416 want to do this . It's tough . It's 07:06.416 --> 07:08.582 hard . I want to serve my country . So 07:08.582 --> 07:10.804 all of us have done that , whether it's 07:10.804 --> 07:12.860 through boot camp and Great Lakes or 07:12.860 --> 07:14.860 the Academy R O T C O C s . But now 07:14.860 --> 07:17.193 we're here and it comes down to respect . 07:17.193 --> 07:19.138 We have our core values of honor , 07:19.138 --> 07:21.027 courage and commitment , but it's 07:21.027 --> 07:24.320 respect . So let's challenge that ship 07:24.320 --> 07:27.380 mate of ours . That is maybe using 07:27.380 --> 07:29.360 inappropriate words , telling 07:29.360 --> 07:32.340 inappropriate jokes , just pushing the 07:32.340 --> 07:34.284 boundary . That's not what we do , 07:34.284 --> 07:36.880 that's not who we are . And so you 07:36.880 --> 07:38.936 challenge that first , you eliminate 07:38.936 --> 07:40.991 the microclimates and you will , you 07:40.991 --> 07:42.824 enable the , your peers and your 07:42.824 --> 07:45.047 shipmates to achieve their own personal 07:45.047 --> 07:46.658 professional goals in a safe 07:46.658 --> 07:49.960 environment . So I usually interject , 07:49.960 --> 07:51.793 especially if it's someone lower 07:51.793 --> 07:54.071 ranking . I just kind of like break it , 07:54.071 --> 07:56.238 hey , what's going on and not to scare 07:56.238 --> 07:58.404 them ? I'm just saying , hey , there's 07:58.404 --> 08:00.682 certain things we can't do around here . 08:00.682 --> 08:02.904 Just , just normal parental stuff . But 08:02.904 --> 08:05.910 also I would ask on the side not to 08:05.910 --> 08:07.966 embarrass anybody . Hey , everything 08:07.966 --> 08:10.410 good . I would go chain of command . 08:10.780 --> 08:12.780 Definitely . If I'm assistant LPO , 08:12.780 --> 08:14.780 I'll go to my LPO . I will go to my 08:14.780 --> 08:16.558 chief and say , hey , I noticed 08:16.558 --> 08:18.980 something . I'm not trying to start any 08:18.980 --> 08:21.830 trouble . But if I'm wrong , fulfilling 08:21.830 --> 08:23.941 this way then please let me know so I 08:23.941 --> 08:25.060 can correct myself 08:28.200 --> 08:30.367 with anybody you work with , sometimes 08:30.367 --> 08:32.478 you have issues , but working through 08:32.478 --> 08:36.150 that was a big effort on our ship . And 08:36.150 --> 08:39.980 in our division , we were , it was like 08:39.990 --> 08:42.640 us against the world kind of a deal 08:42.650 --> 08:45.950 where , you know , I'm gonna protect my 08:45.950 --> 08:48.061 sailors whether they're the same rank 08:48.061 --> 08:50.061 or higher or lower . I don't care . 08:50.061 --> 08:51.950 That's , that's just how I am . 08:51.960 --> 08:54.580 Everybody that I work with means 08:54.580 --> 08:57.260 something to me . And so I'm always 08:57.260 --> 08:59.930 gonna have their back and typically 08:59.940 --> 09:02.218 they'll reciprocate that and have mine . 09:04.310 --> 09:07.640 2017 were off the coast of Puerto Rico 09:07.650 --> 09:10.530 providing relief to our fellow citizens . 09:10.530 --> 09:12.252 They're following the horrific 09:12.252 --> 09:14.308 hurricanes that went through and the 09:14.308 --> 09:16.419 chief selects were providing training 09:16.419 --> 09:19.140 inside the chief's mess and it was on 09:19.150 --> 09:21.428 sexual assault prevention and response . 09:21.428 --> 09:23.428 And as I was leaning up against the 09:23.428 --> 09:26.350 bulkhead , I started to feel an anger 09:26.360 --> 09:30.150 grow inside of me and it was blatantly 09:30.150 --> 09:32.261 obvious that these 13 individuals had 09:32.261 --> 09:35.040 not read the instruction , had not 09:35.040 --> 09:38.430 really inculcated the training and they 09:38.430 --> 09:40.652 were just all over the place . And it's 09:40.652 --> 09:43.390 not that play anger or firmness that 09:43.390 --> 09:45.501 sometimes that you employ as a leader 09:45.501 --> 09:47.723 to drive the point home . This was real 09:47.723 --> 09:51.300 building rage and eventually I 09:51.300 --> 09:54.080 erupted and I stormed down the chief's 09:54.080 --> 09:56.136 mess and I went back to my office on 09:56.136 --> 09:58.240 board the ship and I sat down and my 09:58.240 --> 10:00.820 hands were shaking . I was like , what 10:00.830 --> 10:03.640 is going on here . I never lose control . 10:03.790 --> 10:05.846 I'm usually the eye in the middle of 10:05.846 --> 10:08.180 the hurricane and it hit me like a ton 10:08.180 --> 10:10.730 of bricks and I knew what I had to do . 10:10.730 --> 10:12.674 I stood up from behind my desk . I 10:12.674 --> 10:14.897 walked back into the cheese mess and it 10:14.897 --> 10:16.952 was dead silent . None of the chiefs 10:16.952 --> 10:18.952 have left . Now , the chief selects 10:18.952 --> 10:21.060 have left . And I said , hey , 10:21.060 --> 10:23.227 everybody training time out , sit down 10:23.227 --> 10:25.282 and relax . I was like , I've got to 10:25.282 --> 10:27.393 explain to you what just happened for 10:27.393 --> 10:29.504 the first time in my life . I'm going 10:29.504 --> 10:31.727 to tell you something . I just admitted 10:31.727 --> 10:34.180 to myself . I am a victim of sexual 10:34.180 --> 10:37.090 assault before I joined the Navy . I've 10:37.090 --> 10:39.368 been holding onto that all these years . 10:39.368 --> 10:41.201 And when you were providing that 10:41.201 --> 10:43.368 training and it was obvious to me that 10:43.368 --> 10:45.534 you had not looked into the books that 10:45.534 --> 10:47.479 you had not really dug into it and 10:47.480 --> 10:49.369 owned it as a chief petty officer 10:49.369 --> 10:51.536 should as a petty officer should . You 10:51.536 --> 10:53.870 were telling me you didn't care about 10:53.870 --> 10:57.110 me . And so I reacted like that and you 10:57.110 --> 11:00.680 all stayed here because I'm the CMC and 11:00.680 --> 11:02.847 you gave me the benefit of the doubt . 11:02.847 --> 11:04.680 But what if I was an E one and I 11:04.680 --> 11:06.458 responded like that during your 11:06.458 --> 11:09.240 training would have written me up or 11:09.250 --> 11:13.150 worse . I bottled it up , walked 11:13.150 --> 11:15.400 across the brow , went ashore and 11:15.400 --> 11:17.233 engaged in destructive behaviors 11:17.233 --> 11:19.490 because I couldn't express myself and 11:19.490 --> 11:21.490 what I thought of . And so that's a 11:21.490 --> 11:23.546 breaking of trust so that when we do 11:23.546 --> 11:26.010 this training , understand , no matter 11:26.010 --> 11:28.770 what that training is with , you know , 11:28.780 --> 11:31.140 suicide prevention , there's people in 11:31.140 --> 11:33.084 your division in your department , 11:33.084 --> 11:36.110 within your crew that need that help 11:36.120 --> 11:38.260 and you're telling them with your 11:38.270 --> 11:40.048 actions and your words that you 11:40.048 --> 11:42.440 genuinely care . If you show up 11:42.440 --> 11:45.090 unprepared sailors have a highly 11:45.090 --> 11:47.201 attenuated radar for that and they're 11:47.201 --> 11:50.110 gonna pick up . it's just words and you 11:50.110 --> 11:51.110 really don't . 11:54.310 --> 11:57.170 Consent is a freely given agreement to 11:57.170 --> 12:00.330 the conduct issue by a competent person . 12:00.990 --> 12:03.320 An expression of lack of consent 12:03.330 --> 12:06.590 through words or conduct means there's 12:06.590 --> 12:10.360 no consent , consent is not given by 12:10.370 --> 12:13.640 lack of verbal or physical resistance , 12:13.720 --> 12:17.140 submission , resulting from the use of 12:17.140 --> 12:20.260 force , threat of force or placing 12:20.260 --> 12:23.390 another person in fear , a current or 12:23.390 --> 12:26.550 previous dating , social or sexual 12:26.550 --> 12:29.510 relationship , the manner of dress 12:29.520 --> 12:33.310 or a sleeping unconscious or 12:33.320 --> 12:37.140 incompetent person . I was 12:37.140 --> 12:41.040 drinking a lot . I was just not okay . 12:41.050 --> 12:43.217 And I remember waking up one morning , 12:43.217 --> 12:46.370 it was like I can't keep going and I 12:46.370 --> 12:49.500 need the resources and that was what 12:50.150 --> 12:52.300 I went to the , er , and I told them 12:52.310 --> 12:54.477 this is what happened to me and I need 12:54.477 --> 12:58.300 help and in turn that , you know , 12:58.310 --> 13:00.430 I went up with the SAARC , I met up 13:00.440 --> 13:02.890 with everybody and they have been very 13:02.890 --> 13:05.310 helpful , but I can't say that that's 13:05.310 --> 13:07.830 how it is for everybody . Um , I'm 13:07.830 --> 13:09.941 grateful that I've had the leadership 13:09.941 --> 13:12.000 that I have and , you know , the 13:12.000 --> 13:15.610 outreach that I've had , but that's 13:15.610 --> 13:17.832 just my experience . I don't know . You 13:17.832 --> 13:20.054 know , it's not like that for everybody 13:22.910 --> 13:25.430 in that unit . We were really small and 13:25.430 --> 13:27.763 it took everybody to do everything . So , 13:27.763 --> 13:30.730 um , I'm , I t I was doing et work some , 13:30.730 --> 13:32.730 maybe some , a double work , just a 13:32.730 --> 13:34.952 little bit of everything . But when you 13:34.952 --> 13:37.063 have those other team members that no 13:37.063 --> 13:39.286 longer want to communicate with another 13:39.286 --> 13:38.710 team member or I don't want to be on 13:38.710 --> 13:40.710 watch with that person or so and so 13:40.710 --> 13:42.877 forth because they said , or they made 13:42.877 --> 13:45.570 me feel , um , it definitely hinders 13:45.570 --> 13:47.792 the mission because now you watch those 13:47.792 --> 13:49.792 schedules , things of that nature , 13:49.792 --> 13:51.903 smaller debts that we need to go on . 13:51.903 --> 13:54.181 Well , we can't pair these people with , 13:54.181 --> 13:56.403 you know , they have the most knowledge 13:56.403 --> 13:59.560 and stuff like that from the point of 13:59.560 --> 14:01.338 actually acknowledging what had 14:01.338 --> 14:03.449 happened . Um , to my husband , I was 14:03.449 --> 14:05.338 still very confused . I was still 14:05.338 --> 14:07.227 trying to like justify in my head 14:07.227 --> 14:09.338 because I didn't want another assault 14:09.338 --> 14:12.170 to have happened in my life . Um , and 14:12.170 --> 14:15.110 so I called my , called my husband who 14:15.110 --> 14:17.920 was deployed at the time in Korea . And 14:17.920 --> 14:20.087 I was like , hey , would you want to , 14:20.087 --> 14:22.198 you know , somebody told me that they 14:22.198 --> 14:24.420 were assaulted . Um , would you want to 14:24.420 --> 14:26.587 know this while you're on deployment ? 14:26.587 --> 14:25.980 Should she tell him ? And he just 14:25.980 --> 14:29.320 straight asked me and , um , from that 14:29.320 --> 14:31.487 point , like when I said it happened , 14:31.487 --> 14:35.230 um , that began when I started crying . 14:35.240 --> 14:38.980 Um I woke up the next day and just 14:38.980 --> 14:41.202 could not stop imagining putting a blow 14:41.202 --> 14:43.390 dryer in my bathtub while my son was 14:43.390 --> 14:45.446 sleeping in the other room . Like my 14:45.446 --> 14:48.880 son was not enough , um , to want to 14:48.880 --> 14:52.700 keep going . And so I 14:52.700 --> 14:54.820 called a friend because my husband 14:54.820 --> 14:56.987 wasn't , he couldn't do anything , you 14:56.987 --> 14:59.100 know , in my mind . Um , I called a 14:59.100 --> 15:01.156 friend who came over and immediately 15:01.156 --> 15:03.320 called my sister and everybody came , 15:03.320 --> 15:05.598 we made a plan for my son . I was like , 15:05.598 --> 15:07.980 I need to go get help , like I am not 15:07.980 --> 15:11.250 able to do this anymore . Um And so I 15:11.250 --> 15:13.720 took myself to Naval Portsmouth 15:13.720 --> 15:16.310 Hospital and I went in , I just walked 15:16.310 --> 15:18.421 in and I said , I want to kill myself 15:18.421 --> 15:20.643 and I need some help . I need some help 15:20.643 --> 15:23.490 really fast . I went and finally 15:23.490 --> 15:26.680 decided to make a report . Um And I 15:26.680 --> 15:29.130 decided to do unrestricted . Um Because 15:29.130 --> 15:31.352 at this point in my life , I was like , 15:31.352 --> 15:33.519 somebody's got to be held to justice . 15:33.519 --> 15:36.830 So I made a report . I was connected to 15:36.840 --> 15:40.290 a um a stark who was very important to 15:40.290 --> 15:42.880 me and she connected me with the sapper . 15:43.000 --> 15:45.690 Um Ultimately , I really worked well 15:45.690 --> 15:47.357 with my start . We had a good 15:47.357 --> 15:49.610 understanding um spiritually like where 15:49.610 --> 15:51.721 I wanted to go , how I wanted to heal 15:51.721 --> 15:53.943 and how I wanted to help other people . 15:53.943 --> 15:56.054 Even from that point , it was like it 15:56.054 --> 15:58.054 happened and I was like , I'm gonna 15:58.054 --> 16:00.054 work through my pain and we need to 16:00.054 --> 16:02.166 find a way to make this stop . Um She 16:02.166 --> 16:04.388 then connected me , obviously , I N C I 16:04.388 --> 16:07.510 S um there was an investigation . Um I 16:07.510 --> 16:11.160 had a jag officer , he was absolutely 16:11.170 --> 16:14.620 phenomenal in dealing with 16:14.630 --> 16:17.160 somebody experiencing trauma . Um It 16:17.160 --> 16:19.216 was probably the greatest experience 16:19.216 --> 16:21.382 I've had meeting somebody in that kind 16:21.382 --> 16:24.420 of position in the military . Um So he 16:24.430 --> 16:27.630 um just connected different parts . Um 16:27.640 --> 16:29.529 Would let me know , hey , this is 16:29.529 --> 16:31.640 what's going to happen next . How are 16:31.640 --> 16:34.650 you feeling ? Um , understood that 16:34.650 --> 16:36.880 victim blaming was happening , that all 16:36.880 --> 16:38.880 these different emotions were going 16:38.880 --> 16:41.110 down . Um And made sure that I felt 16:41.110 --> 16:43.277 comfortable and I knew what was coming 16:43.277 --> 16:45.540 every step of the way . So having a jag 16:45.540 --> 16:48.000 officer as a military spouse , I don't 16:48.000 --> 16:50.540 think a lot of people know that that is 16:50.540 --> 16:53.520 a resource and that they will fight for 16:53.520 --> 16:55.850 you just as much as they would fight 16:55.860 --> 16:58.740 for somebody in the active duty . Um So 16:58.740 --> 17:00.907 that definitely was a great service to 17:00.907 --> 17:03.790 me . Hey , we can't always get to the 17:03.790 --> 17:05.790 left of bang . You know , there's , 17:05.790 --> 17:07.930 there's predators out there . Uh 17:07.940 --> 17:10.260 situations are just gonna happen . So 17:10.260 --> 17:12.810 now a sexual assault has occurred . A 17:12.820 --> 17:15.098 victim has come forward and said , hey , 17:15.098 --> 17:17.320 this has happened to me . I need help . 17:17.940 --> 17:20.640 So what do we do when we experience a 17:20.640 --> 17:24.090 loss in our crew ? Whenever a sailor is 17:24.090 --> 17:27.830 harmed physically . You know , whether 17:27.840 --> 17:30.062 they were crushed by a box , maybe they 17:30.062 --> 17:32.284 have a loss in their family . They lost 17:32.284 --> 17:34.396 a mom or dad or something like that . 17:34.396 --> 17:36.396 We rally around them when they come 17:36.396 --> 17:38.760 forward and they say I'm mentally 17:38.760 --> 17:40.704 hurting right now and I'm thinking 17:40.704 --> 17:43.090 about harming myself . The entire 17:43.090 --> 17:45.610 command rallies around that sailors and 17:45.610 --> 17:47.721 put their arm around and says , hey , 17:47.721 --> 17:49.943 she may come alongside . We're here for 17:49.943 --> 17:51.999 you . You are part of us because you 17:51.999 --> 17:53.888 raised your hand with that sexual 17:53.888 --> 17:55.943 assault victim . We already have all 17:55.943 --> 17:57.832 the programs in place , medical , 17:57.832 --> 18:00.054 mental health , the command triad , the 18:00.054 --> 18:02.054 chaplain fleet . And I mean , it is 18:02.054 --> 18:04.830 robust and thick , but where the real 18:04.830 --> 18:07.320 help comes from is from the deck plate , 18:07.330 --> 18:09.274 from your shipmates and your peers 18:09.274 --> 18:11.840 saying , hey , you're one of us and 18:11.840 --> 18:13.896 you're going through something right 18:13.896 --> 18:16.100 now and you are hurting , we're gonna 18:16.100 --> 18:18.211 rally around you . That's what we can 18:18.211 --> 18:21.910 do for that ship . How would a 18:21.910 --> 18:24.490 victim find their way to us ? And so , 18:24.500 --> 18:26.540 and I would use the word victim and 18:26.540 --> 18:28.762 survivor interchangeably because that's 18:28.762 --> 18:30.651 depending on how someone wants to 18:30.651 --> 18:33.650 identify themselves . And so the victim 18:33.650 --> 18:35.770 can find us through going through 18:35.770 --> 18:38.130 chaplain services , they can go to 18:38.130 --> 18:41.020 medical , they can go to law 18:41.020 --> 18:43.187 enforcement , whether that's local law 18:43.187 --> 18:45.409 enforcement or N C I S . They can go to 18:45.409 --> 18:47.353 a friend who's aware of the sapper 18:47.353 --> 18:49.820 program . A unit victim advocate or 18:49.820 --> 18:51.931 administrative unit victim advocate , 18:52.080 --> 18:54.460 uh civilian victim advocate . So there 18:54.460 --> 18:56.980 are multiple pathways that lead them to 18:56.980 --> 18:59.091 the SAARC . They can also go to their 18:59.091 --> 19:01.202 chain of command . All of these folks 19:01.202 --> 19:03.640 are aware of cyber services and 19:03.650 --> 19:06.020 immediately hearing the words sexual 19:06.020 --> 19:08.590 assault or hey , I think this may have 19:08.590 --> 19:10.757 happened to me should triage them to a 19:10.757 --> 19:14.290 SAARC . Um So that way we have sites on 19:14.290 --> 19:17.020 the program and can disseminate the 19:17.020 --> 19:19.570 information according to instructions 19:19.570 --> 19:21.681 so that we're making sure we're doing 19:21.681 --> 19:23.570 right by the victim or survivor . 19:26.000 --> 19:29.250 In addition to offering a 19:29.260 --> 19:31.500 victim the information and the 19:31.510 --> 19:33.440 education about their choices 19:33.440 --> 19:36.290 throughout the process . A victim's 19:36.290 --> 19:38.457 legal counsel can also be the victim's 19:38.457 --> 19:41.450 voice in many different ways . They can 19:41.460 --> 19:44.690 speak to other folks in the legal 19:44.690 --> 19:46.912 process . They can speak with N C I S , 19:46.912 --> 19:49.134 they can accompany a victim to an N C I 19:49.134 --> 19:51.590 S interview . They can speak with 19:51.590 --> 19:53.830 prosecutors , they can facilitate the 19:53.830 --> 19:55.830 victims , speaking with prosecutors 19:55.830 --> 19:58.052 because victims have the right to learn 19:58.052 --> 20:00.163 about their case and understand their 20:00.163 --> 20:02.219 case from the government council who 20:02.219 --> 20:04.386 are trying their case . They can speak 20:04.386 --> 20:06.608 to the defense counsel on behalf of the 20:06.608 --> 20:08.552 victim as well . In addition , the 20:08.552 --> 20:10.774 victim's legal counsel can speak to the 20:10.774 --> 20:12.886 command , the command of the offender 20:12.886 --> 20:15.052 who's making , making a decision about 20:15.052 --> 20:17.510 what's going to happen in the case and 20:17.520 --> 20:19.920 the victims command . But the victim's 20:19.920 --> 20:22.031 legal counsel doesn't speak to anyone 20:22.031 --> 20:24.031 on behalf of the victim without the 20:24.031 --> 20:26.087 victim's express permission to do so 20:26.087 --> 20:28.440 this is a confidential relationship . 20:28.440 --> 20:30.607 It's an attorney , client relationship 20:30.607 --> 20:32.920 between the victim and his or her 20:32.920 --> 20:36.750 attorney . I'm a civilian . I've 20:36.750 --> 20:38.850 never been military . So , yes , I 20:38.850 --> 20:40.572 always talk about our military 20:40.572 --> 20:42.970 resources , but being mindful that 20:42.970 --> 20:45.137 resources are not a one size fit . All 20:45.137 --> 20:47.081 right . So where I'm talking about 20:47.081 --> 20:49.190 chaplain services , which is a great 20:49.190 --> 20:51.190 services . Fleet and family support 20:51.190 --> 20:53.301 center has tons of services . Right . 20:53.301 --> 20:55.523 You can get counseling right there . So 20:55.523 --> 20:57.746 we also have our victim legal counsel , 20:57.746 --> 20:59.857 one of my favorite resources . Um And 20:59.857 --> 21:01.968 then of course , we have medical . So 21:01.968 --> 21:04.134 once we're talking about , of course , 21:04.134 --> 21:06.023 the military resources , we can't 21:06.023 --> 21:08.134 forget the civilian resources because 21:08.134 --> 21:10.023 once again , one size doesn't fit 21:10.023 --> 21:12.079 everyone . And why , where , where I 21:12.079 --> 21:14.079 may want to do the chaplain , I may 21:14.079 --> 21:16.246 want to go out in the community and do 21:16.246 --> 21:18.412 counseling . So you can use D O D Safe 21:18.412 --> 21:20.579 helpline . They can give them a lot of 21:20.579 --> 21:22.634 resources and you can also tell them 21:22.634 --> 21:24.600 about the local rape center , rape 21:24.600 --> 21:26.322 crisis centers um in different 21:26.322 --> 21:28.540 counseling . And if I do not have the 21:28.540 --> 21:30.707 actual resource in front of me , which 21:30.707 --> 21:32.873 I have like this huge book , like just 21:32.873 --> 21:35.096 tell me what you need and I will go and 21:35.096 --> 21:37.040 find it or at least try to find as 21:37.040 --> 21:39.151 close as I can get when we're talking 21:39.151 --> 21:41.207 about resources because resources is 21:41.207 --> 21:43.100 really um so m powerful , right ? 21:43.100 --> 21:45.610 Because it empowers the victim or the 21:45.610 --> 21:47.810 survivor to what they need . To get 21:47.810 --> 21:50.143 over that bridge that they're trying to . 21:50.143 --> 21:52.088 So we want to make sure that we're 21:52.088 --> 21:54.143 always talking about resources and a 21:54.143 --> 21:56.143 big thing . I always tell my victim 21:56.143 --> 21:58.310 advocates like , okay , yes , we offer 21:58.310 --> 22:00.532 these resources at the beginning of the 22:00.532 --> 22:02.810 case . Great when we did the D D 29 10 . 22:02.810 --> 22:04.977 But what about next month ? What about 22:04.977 --> 22:07.088 the month after ? So making sure that 22:07.088 --> 22:09.421 we're just touching bases and say , hey , 22:09.421 --> 22:11.588 I know you didn't need these resources 22:11.588 --> 22:13.643 in December . But I want you to know 22:13.643 --> 22:15.699 that they're still available . So it 22:15.699 --> 22:17.921 doesn't have a time frame . Even though 22:17.921 --> 22:19.977 the sexual assault may have occurred 22:19.977 --> 22:22.143 six months ago or a year ago , you can 22:22.143 --> 22:24.143 get resources whenever you can have 22:24.143 --> 22:26.143 that super victim advocacy . Um You 22:26.143 --> 22:28.199 have that Sark . So anytime you need 22:28.199 --> 22:30.254 those resources that are available , 22:30.254 --> 22:32.310 it's not a time limit . So that's so 22:32.310 --> 22:35.810 important When I first came in and I 22:35.810 --> 22:39.510 entered in 1982 . Um uh 22:39.520 --> 22:41.576 sexual harassment , sexual assault , 22:41.576 --> 22:43.690 those words . And I think the actions 22:43.690 --> 22:45.746 were there , but we didn't have that 22:45.746 --> 22:48.079 clearly defined and maybe because I was , 22:48.079 --> 22:51.410 you know , young deck seaman um that , 22:51.420 --> 22:53.364 that was not like a training or an 22:53.364 --> 22:55.309 education I remember receiving , I 22:55.309 --> 22:57.642 think the actions were definitely there . 22:57.642 --> 23:00.300 Um I can tell you firsthand that now , 23:00.300 --> 23:02.550 knowing what I know today , sexual 23:02.550 --> 23:05.010 harassment was , you know , happening . 23:05.020 --> 23:07.242 Uh And I , and I personally experienced 23:07.242 --> 23:09.409 some of that . I didn't know it at the 23:09.409 --> 23:11.576 time what to do . So as the years went 23:11.576 --> 23:13.690 on , um and we started to hear things 23:13.690 --> 23:16.680 about it and get education and it's 23:16.690 --> 23:18.801 some of the actions from Dhaka wits , 23:18.801 --> 23:20.968 it started to become apparent that not 23:20.968 --> 23:22.912 only was it not okay , but we were 23:22.912 --> 23:24.968 gonna do something about it . And so 23:24.968 --> 23:27.079 that's when I , you know , I realized 23:27.079 --> 23:29.301 that I needed to be an active member in 23:29.301 --> 23:31.523 the Navy as I moved up . And one of the 23:31.523 --> 23:33.746 reasons I became an officer was so that 23:33.746 --> 23:35.968 would be in that position to be able to 23:35.968 --> 23:38.240 help the command triad , you know , 23:38.250 --> 23:40.583 committing officers , committee officer , 23:40.583 --> 23:43.230 right ? And then the XO and the CMC uh 23:43.240 --> 23:45.462 support the commanding officer and Ford 23:45.462 --> 23:47.684 his or her mission out there across the 23:47.684 --> 23:49.990 deck plates . And when you talk about 23:50.000 --> 23:52.222 the different programs that support our 23:52.222 --> 23:54.222 sailors , you know , sexual assault 23:54.222 --> 23:56.389 prevention response tapper , we're all 23:56.389 --> 24:00.280 in . But how do we know that 24:00.290 --> 24:02.457 the wardroom is the chief's mess , the 24:02.457 --> 24:04.401 first class mess , the J E A , the 24:04.401 --> 24:06.568 sailors that are out there on the deck 24:06.568 --> 24:08.179 plate . It requires constant 24:08.179 --> 24:10.068 communication and a lot of active 24:10.068 --> 24:11.957 listening and some of that active 24:11.957 --> 24:14.890 listening maybe may appear passive in 24:14.890 --> 24:17.210 nature . Were walking through the P way 24:17.410 --> 24:19.521 and just stop and you just listen and 24:19.521 --> 24:21.521 you can pick up on the tone and the 24:21.521 --> 24:23.632 culture of the command . But also you 24:23.632 --> 24:25.354 need to sit down and have real 24:25.354 --> 24:27.299 meaningful conversations with your 24:27.299 --> 24:29.521 Chief petty officers . And also be open 24:29.521 --> 24:31.521 for that feedback because we're not 24:31.521 --> 24:33.577 significant , we're not infallible . 24:33.577 --> 24:35.577 And so we need to get mentored back 24:35.577 --> 24:37.410 from our , our fellow chiefs and 24:37.410 --> 24:39.632 officers on what we can do to improve , 24:39.632 --> 24:41.940 but just challenging them on how they 24:41.940 --> 24:44.630 perceive the culture , their role in it 24:44.640 --> 24:46.862 and how they're leading their divisions 24:46.862 --> 24:48.640 and departments is really key . 25:13.470 --> 25:16.390 That's not . Come on Mac Daddy .