Ola , Hi , my name is Carlos dimas
and I am a former child soldier . I
was born in a Salvador , A country that
in the 80s was ravaged by a civil war .
Over 160,000 people died and I was
gonna be one of them . Let me tell you
a little bit of my story . I was raised
in the capital city , close to the
soccer stadium in El Salvador . So that
was a plus the way we got there was
that my mom and my dad who
couldn't control his alcoholism and
eventually became violent . That's the
way that he dealt with stress . We
ended up moving there with the hope of
being closer to the city and to their
places of work . My mom eventually
became a single mom and one of the
stories that I remember was my dad
coming home and being
really drunk and asking my mom who was
ironing his clothes to go get some
alcohol for him for they have refused
at this time to set any to him because
he was already out of his mind . She
refused of course , because she was
busy ironing his clothes . So what he
did next is something that I will never
forget . Just one of the many memories ,
negative memories that I have over that
turbulent time when I was just 11 or
12 . So he knocked her to the ground
using a bunch of expletives and then he
grabbed the iron hot and placed it on
her chest , refusing for her to go to
the hospital . Later , she almost died .
To this day . She bears the mark on her
chest of the in the shape of an iron
That and many other stories let my mom
to eventually leave him and then to
raise us as a single mom . She was a
teacher for 30 years . She worked
trying to help kids learn how to write
and how to read . Many of them became
professionals now and it's such a pride
and such a legacy that she built . She
planted something in us by her example .
But one of the desires and dreams and
dreams that I had was that I did not
want to be like my father , but that
didn't mean that I knew how to be
anything else or even how to get there .
I just knew that I didn't want to be
like him . It was in the process of
reflection and confusion and looking
for identity martin Luther King said
one time that he who is not willing ,
he doesn't know what he's willing to
die for is not fit to live . And that
was I I was lost boy hooked on
anger . Uh , somebody that had , like
my father had learned to deal with
stress through violence because that's
what I saw at home . So at the time the
guerilla movement was about to start in
El Salvador , which was led by a group
of university students who saw the
abuse that rural towns were
experiencing as they were asking for a
better treatment and better salaries
and better opportunities only to have
these powerful landlords be able to
to force and kill some of them . And
then with the help of the army , got
the support of the government . And it
was just really sad times . So these
university students would come to the
middle school and the high schools and
we tell stories of unfair treatment and
then would invite people that wanted to
learn more about something that we
could do about . It sounded very
appealing at the time . It sounded very
exciting like we were not doing a whole
lot with our lives at the time . Of
course we had to keep this a secret
from mom and dad and I was able to get
home on time for dinner . But I was
sneaking between my last class and
dinner , I could sneak in an hour where
I would go to this meeting secret
meetings at the university in the
capital where they will talk more about
the need for an insurrection . And I
bought into that idea not knowing what
to do , but really the voting passion
towards it . They just wanted to vent
or to find a platform by which to
channel the anger that I felt . I
signed on and so did my friend cabezas
and he and I would hang out a lot every
day . We would even got so close that
we would talk about how we would live
together in a town nearby with our
wives , would know each other will be
best friends to , we will name our kids
after each other's name . It was a a
bright , smart , um really
nice , compassionate tender young men
and he was bigger than I . So he kind
of when we went through the training
because he was bigger , he was quickly
moved to the ranks while I was that
skinny boy that couldn't hold the gun
or so they didn't think so . I was
relinquished to other tasks like
paraphernalia , distribution , like
smoke bomb making , uh like
rallies like uh recruitment of other
young kids and such , which I did with
the light because I thought that was a
good cause to invest in . So my that
was my role then . So my friend
cabezas and I would talk about the
difference that we wanted to make and
how amazing it will be to be in a
country that it was free from abuse and
from the oligarchy and the
strength that these landlords would
forcibly treat with unfairness . All
these Campesinos , all these folks that
lived in their farms . So at the time
the army had deployed some death squads
and they were dressed as civilians ,
civilians and they will go to almost
every rally and they will have cameras
that would take pictures of everyone
later they would find them . And so was
the case with my friend cabezas . He
was followed , his picture was posted
in different places . Somebody ratted
him out , they found him , they picked
him up and then they sodomized him .
They killed them , but before that they
tried to get as much information as
they could . Eventually he was beheaded .
I went to the funeral to a closed
casket funeral . He was at that time
when I saw the grief of his parents and
just the sun is that he calls that I
realized that is not the way that I
want to die . And it's not the kind of
grief I wanna put my mom through . She
has suffered enough under my father's
abuse and violence and I wanted to , in
a way protector from it . So I decided
to start going to meetings because I
was that skinny boy that you know ,
very unassuming kid . I don't think
anybody miss me . So I started going to
a church . Somebody invited me a week
later and there I heard a message about
this jesus guy who was the greatest
revolutionary that has ever worked on
the face of the earth And that picked
my interest . I started going without
making a commitment just to see if the
people were real , if they were genuine .
And sure enough at 16 I decided to
become a member . And then at 18 I got
baptized and at the same time I started
a small group and then I let other
small groups eventually leading The
whole youth group in that at that time
and they were like 200 of us strong and
that was very formative . I'm really
grateful for mentors and people that
spoke truth into my life , but also
people that allow me or invited me to
learn some of the stuff that I had
learned because we call it brainwashing
now . And truth be told . There was
just a lot of sentiments and a lot of
false ideology that was planted into my
psyche . And it took years to get rid
of it . Now I am not a man of violence .
I am a man of peace . I'm actually
involved and run . A couple of non
profits have been married for 27 years .
How about 25 year old daughter who just
graduated from college , who's a singer .
She's the artist of the family and have
a son who is serving in the army and
he has been there for a year and a half
now . We couldn't be any more proud ,
but I am so thankful because somebody
showed me a different way . I shouldn't
be alive with the kind of environment
we were in . Uh , it was just fortunate
that my mom do not lose the house ,
opened the door to some renters . One
of them was this american that was
working for the Peace Corps , who
happened to be friends with the current
ambassador in El Salvador and he set up
a meeting with them and us . And
when he was in El Salvador , he fell in
love with our family and then he
proposed marriage to my mom . We
thought it was a marriage of
convenience , but Alice , they have
been married for over almost 30 years
now and they have kept going and that's
how we came to the US We settled first
in upstate New York and later we moved
to Arlington Virginia where we
currently reside and we get to build
teams , We get to lead national and
international latino leaders . And it's
just pretty exciting to think of my
life could have been in my life now .
So thank you for letting me tell the
story a little bit . Child soldering
does have to be the end , but it was a
chapter assad and at the same time
exciting chapter and one that has
that formed kind of the way that I
think now . So once again , I really
appreciate the opportunity . My name is
Carlos dimas . I'm originally from El
Salvador and I am thankful to be alive
now . Amen