WEBVTT 00:05.540 --> 00:09.320 Hi , my name is James told I am 00:09.330 --> 00:12.340 the Ceo and founder of a nonprofit 00:12.340 --> 00:14.396 organization in Washington , D . C . 00:14.396 --> 00:17.170 Called Human Rights for Kids . We work 00:17.170 --> 00:19.392 to advance human rights protections for 00:19.392 --> 00:21.610 Children in the United States and 00:21.620 --> 00:24.400 hopefully one day around the world I'm 00:24.400 --> 00:27.730 also a husband and a 00:27.730 --> 00:30.960 father and I'm also a lawyer . 00:32.300 --> 00:34.920 But before I was all of those things , 00:35.550 --> 00:38.340 I was once a victim of child labor 00:38.340 --> 00:40.870 trafficking and sexual abuse . 00:42.240 --> 00:45.400 I wanted to share my story with all of 00:45.400 --> 00:48.550 you today in hopes of raising greater 00:48.550 --> 00:52.520 awareness of the terrible crime of 00:52.530 --> 00:54.197 trafficking , of Children and 00:54.197 --> 00:57.370 exploitation of Children . And also to 00:57.380 --> 00:59.650 help inform the conversation around 00:59.660 --> 01:02.750 what exploitation of Children looks 01:02.750 --> 01:05.900 like . Uh , I think most people on here 01:05.900 --> 01:08.950 in my background and what I do as well 01:08.950 --> 01:12.380 as my educational accomplishments . I 01:12.390 --> 01:15.590 might not think that at one point in 01:15.590 --> 01:19.250 time I was this young kid who went 01:19.250 --> 01:22.140 through this terrible event . Uh , but 01:22.150 --> 01:24.840 as bryan Stevenson says , we are all 01:24.840 --> 01:26.896 more than the worst thing that we've 01:26.896 --> 01:29.062 ever done . And I have amended that to 01:29.062 --> 01:31.284 say that we are all more than the worst 01:31.284 --> 01:33.507 thing that's also ever happened to us . 01:33.840 --> 01:36.400 And so I hope that you take from my 01:36.400 --> 01:40.050 conversation today , uh , what , what 01:40.050 --> 01:43.960 that means and what to look for . Uh , 01:43.970 --> 01:45.748 when looking at people who have 01:45.748 --> 01:47.760 experienced , um , you know , these 01:47.760 --> 01:50.210 sorts of traumatic events and hopefully 01:50.220 --> 01:53.720 use it as a tool to prevent trafficking 01:53.720 --> 01:56.310 of Children . So , my story really 01:56.310 --> 01:59.260 starts back in the seventh grade , 01:59.270 --> 02:01.381 actually , right after I completed my 02:01.381 --> 02:04.570 seventh grade in middle school , I had 02:04.570 --> 02:06.403 joined the Boy Scouts of America 02:06.403 --> 02:10.290 through a local church and I , uh , 02:10.300 --> 02:12.467 like a lot of kids , you know , it was 02:12.467 --> 02:14.578 just , I was looking for , you know , 02:14.578 --> 02:16.633 things to do outside of , outside of 02:16.633 --> 02:18.578 school and stepped kind of keeping 02:18.578 --> 02:20.411 myself busy . So my cousin and I 02:20.411 --> 02:22.810 actually Justin had become boy scouts 02:22.820 --> 02:25.153 through christian life community church , 02:25.153 --> 02:26.931 which was a local church in our 02:26.931 --> 02:29.153 neighborhood . And um there was a woman 02:29.153 --> 02:30.820 who uh would frown up all the 02:30.830 --> 02:32.970 neighborhood kids and you know , take 02:32.970 --> 02:35.920 us to church and you know , she was 02:35.930 --> 02:39.210 very nice woman for for doing that . Um 02:39.220 --> 02:42.080 but in the Boy Scouts , during my , my 02:42.080 --> 02:45.620 seventh grade year , I , unfortunately 02:45.620 --> 02:47.842 during one of the fundraisers that they 02:47.842 --> 02:51.350 had came across a family from a cub 02:51.350 --> 02:53.870 Scout that was in , that was part of 02:53.870 --> 02:57.020 our Boy Scout troop and you know , they 02:57.020 --> 02:58.909 were a family , it was relatively 02:58.909 --> 03:01.170 innocuous . He , their son was , I 03:01.170 --> 03:04.710 believe , seven years old and I was , 03:04.720 --> 03:06.770 I was 13 years old , so I was about 03:06.770 --> 03:10.430 five years older than him and they had 03:10.430 --> 03:13.250 a little girl and you know , on the 03:13.250 --> 03:15.194 outside , it sort of seemed like a 03:15.194 --> 03:18.930 picture perfect family . And that 03:18.930 --> 03:22.080 day after the fundraiser , they offered 03:22.080 --> 03:25.690 to give my cousin and I ride home and 03:25.700 --> 03:27.644 we ended up actually going back to 03:27.644 --> 03:31.200 their house and um , you know , getting 03:31.200 --> 03:35.020 to know them a little bit more and over 03:35.020 --> 03:37.720 time , uh , you know , they sort of , 03:37.730 --> 03:39.952 they formed this bond a little bit with 03:39.952 --> 03:42.063 us and we would go back over to their 03:42.063 --> 03:45.790 house sometimes just a help with 03:45.790 --> 03:47.623 yard work . And , and I remember 03:47.623 --> 03:50.220 actually , uh , that was sort of the 03:50.220 --> 03:52.610 initial process in which , um , my 03:52.610 --> 03:54.830 victimizer who was a woman who was the 03:54.830 --> 03:56.886 wife of , of , in the mother of this 03:56.886 --> 03:58.950 cub scout , my , my Boy Scout troop 03:58.960 --> 04:02.550 began to essentially groom me . 04:03.240 --> 04:06.570 And it started off , like I said , 04:06.570 --> 04:08.792 relatively innocuously and I was like , 04:08.792 --> 04:10.903 I was a kid going over to this , this 04:10.903 --> 04:13.070 family was a cub Scout in my Boy Scout 04:13.070 --> 04:15.237 troop , I think , you know , my for my 04:15.237 --> 04:17.292 parents part they thought that , you 04:17.292 --> 04:19.700 know , everything was was fine because 04:19.700 --> 04:22.190 you know , these were people who we had 04:22.190 --> 04:24.246 met through the Boy Scouts that were 04:24.246 --> 04:26.468 connected to this church and you know , 04:26.468 --> 04:28.579 why would you , why would you worry ? 04:29.180 --> 04:32.840 And anyway , um , It 04:32.840 --> 04:35.340 started for for me as you know , these , 04:35.350 --> 04:37.350 these small projects , we'd go over 04:37.350 --> 04:39.350 there to help them with yard work , 04:39.350 --> 04:41.406 they'd give us like $20 and it was , 04:41.406 --> 04:43.461 you know , it seemed fine . And then 04:43.461 --> 04:47.330 over time , um you know , I began to 04:47.330 --> 04:49.497 develop this , you know what I thought 04:49.497 --> 04:52.160 was this friendship with the woman 04:52.840 --> 04:56.460 and um , you know , and that 04:56.460 --> 04:59.100 included , you know , talking to me on 04:59.100 --> 05:01.910 the phone , um , you know , taking me 05:01.910 --> 05:05.860 out to eat . Um , and as a kid , 05:05.870 --> 05:07.981 there was a lot of things going on in 05:07.981 --> 05:10.700 my life at that time that where I 05:10.700 --> 05:12.644 didn't feel that I was getting the 05:12.644 --> 05:14.644 attention and the care and the love 05:14.644 --> 05:17.450 that I needed and that created a 05:17.450 --> 05:19.710 dynamic where I was going to get it 05:19.710 --> 05:23.000 from somewhere right . And this woman 05:23.000 --> 05:25.870 just happened to be that person who was 05:25.870 --> 05:28.092 somebody who would listen to what I had 05:28.092 --> 05:30.620 to say . And unfortunately I had 05:30.630 --> 05:33.580 earlier in my life experienced child 05:33.580 --> 05:35.636 sexual abuse at the hands of another 05:35.636 --> 05:39.620 child in my family and that was 05:39.620 --> 05:42.150 never particularly resolved well by my 05:42.150 --> 05:45.880 mother . And that developed as a 05:45.880 --> 05:48.102 result of that . I developed this sense 05:48.102 --> 05:50.600 of resentment and anger And you throw 05:50.600 --> 05:52.767 into the mix , you know , the hormonal 05:52.767 --> 05:54.970 changes that go on with a 13 year old 05:54.970 --> 05:58.540 boy . Um , and it's a very potent mix 05:58.540 --> 06:02.150 for , for a child to rebel , 06:03.040 --> 06:06.670 to develop this sense of anxiety and 06:06.670 --> 06:10.250 angst and in some ways , um , 06:10.940 --> 06:13.107 you know , I don't want to say , hey , 06:13.107 --> 06:15.162 that's a very strong word , but this 06:15.162 --> 06:18.920 sense that uh , nobody really cared 06:18.930 --> 06:22.300 for me and I was going to get , uh , 06:22.310 --> 06:24.421 you know what I thought I needed from 06:24.421 --> 06:26.570 someplace and you know , this um 06:26.570 --> 06:29.240 skilled job predator was that person at 06:29.240 --> 06:32.550 that time . And uh , so over a period 06:32.550 --> 06:34.860 of months , um , you know , this , this 06:34.860 --> 06:37.850 relationship uh continued to develop 06:38.340 --> 06:42.080 and then uh , it like a lot of 06:42.080 --> 06:44.024 skilled predators , you know , she 06:44.024 --> 06:46.247 slowly began to break down the walls of 06:46.247 --> 06:48.469 what was appropriate and what wasn't it 06:48.469 --> 06:50.880 first started off as some of the 06:50.880 --> 06:53.047 inappropriate behaviors like wrestling 06:53.047 --> 06:55.970 and tickling , you know , and you know , 06:55.970 --> 06:58.790 and I , you know , and I , you know had 06:58.790 --> 07:00.901 developed a crush on her and so I was 07:00.901 --> 07:02.957 like , oh , this is fun , you know , 07:02.957 --> 07:05.068 like she's tickling me and you know , 07:05.068 --> 07:07.234 doing all these things to me and , you 07:07.234 --> 07:09.346 know , I thought it was fun and , you 07:09.346 --> 07:11.457 know , I thought that this was what I 07:11.457 --> 07:14.760 wanted to do , and as that continued 07:15.240 --> 07:17.280 two , as that dynamic continues to 07:17.280 --> 07:21.090 unfold , uh , things 07:21.090 --> 07:24.330 progressively became less 07:24.530 --> 07:27.910 appropriate and eventually lead to 07:27.920 --> 07:30.570 inappropriate touching where she would 07:30.570 --> 07:34.500 start to uh touch me and in private 07:34.500 --> 07:38.400 areas and uh , and then it 07:38.400 --> 07:41.430 escalated from there . Um , you know , 07:41.430 --> 07:44.350 so going into my uh , eighth grade year 07:44.360 --> 07:46.910 in middle school , uh , that was the 07:46.910 --> 07:49.077 dynamic that was unfolding . And so as 07:49.077 --> 07:52.480 that was happening , uh , she was also 07:52.480 --> 07:55.350 driving this wedge between me and my 07:55.350 --> 07:58.110 family . And what I mean by that is , 07:58.120 --> 08:00.530 as I disclosed the prior sexual abuse 08:00.530 --> 08:04.500 that it occurred , she would , you 08:04.500 --> 08:06.790 know , say things like , you know , I 08:06.790 --> 08:09.130 would never let anything like that ever 08:09.130 --> 08:11.297 happened to my Children . If something 08:11.297 --> 08:13.519 like that happened , I would have , you 08:13.519 --> 08:15.463 know , reported that person to the 08:15.463 --> 08:17.408 police and you know , all of these 08:17.408 --> 08:19.574 different things that were things that 08:19.574 --> 08:21.741 I thought that I really needed to hear 08:21.741 --> 08:23.963 because I didn't get that validation of 08:23.963 --> 08:26.130 what happened to me . And , and for so 08:26.130 --> 08:28.186 long as a young child , I carried so 08:28.186 --> 08:30.186 much shame and guilt from that from 08:30.186 --> 08:32.241 that event . And that abuse happened 08:32.241 --> 08:34.519 over a period of years . And so for me , 08:34.519 --> 08:36.950 you know , I carried this this sense of 08:37.340 --> 08:40.760 um , this sense of just shame with me 08:40.770 --> 08:42.881 and and guilt and thinking that these 08:42.881 --> 08:44.960 things were my fault . And when I 08:44.960 --> 08:47.290 eventually built up that courage to 08:47.290 --> 08:50.360 tell my mother , um , you know , she 08:50.360 --> 08:53.000 struggled , I think to to respond in a 08:53.000 --> 08:55.167 way that was helpful , in part because 08:55.167 --> 08:58.420 it was also one of her Children . And 08:58.420 --> 09:00.531 but this skilled predator of course , 09:00.531 --> 09:02.753 was telling me everything that I needed 09:02.753 --> 09:04.920 the year . You know , despite the fact 09:04.920 --> 09:06.976 that , you know , here I was this 13 09:06.976 --> 09:06.720 year old boy now , almost 14 years of 09:06.720 --> 09:10.410 age . And , you know , I couldn't see 09:10.410 --> 09:12.410 it for myself , right ? When you're 09:12.410 --> 09:14.577 talking about teenagers , 13 , 14 year 09:14.577 --> 09:16.410 olds , um you know , we think we 09:16.410 --> 09:18.466 thought that , you know , we knew it 09:18.466 --> 09:20.521 all , and we thought like , as we're 09:20.521 --> 09:22.799 making decisions , this is what I want , 09:22.799 --> 09:25.430 right ? Um but of course , you know , 09:25.440 --> 09:27.496 there there are reasons why we don't 09:27.496 --> 09:29.720 let Children make uh those sorts of 09:29.720 --> 09:31.720 decisions . It's because they don't 09:31.720 --> 09:34.990 have that capacity . And Of course , 09:34.990 --> 09:36.934 like , you know , 13 , 14 year old 09:36.934 --> 09:39.268 doesn't know that they don't think that . 09:39.268 --> 09:42.760 And so so for me , um I 09:43.140 --> 09:46.250 um I continued on this path with this 09:46.250 --> 09:48.600 woman and the abuse just continued to 09:48.600 --> 09:51.470 escalate . And the wedge was driven 09:51.470 --> 09:53.581 further and further between me and my 09:53.581 --> 09:55.470 family and that , you know , that 09:55.470 --> 09:57.850 spread out into other areas of my life 09:57.850 --> 10:00.150 as well . So my friendships , um you 10:00.150 --> 10:03.770 know , she eventually uh told me that I 10:03.780 --> 10:06.660 couldn't talk to people about her or 10:06.670 --> 10:08.392 you know , what was going on , 10:08.392 --> 10:10.559 especially a young girl , she had this 10:10.559 --> 10:13.490 fixation on being jealous of , you know , 10:13.490 --> 10:15.546 other girls that I might be around . 10:15.546 --> 10:18.000 And so I completely , during the course 10:18.000 --> 10:20.222 of my eighth grade year , shut off from 10:20.222 --> 10:22.444 the entire outside world , where I just 10:22.444 --> 10:24.330 stopped talking to people . Um I 10:24.330 --> 10:27.360 stopped engaging , and every day after 10:27.360 --> 10:30.950 school I was going over to her house 10:30.960 --> 10:34.340 where this abuse was continuing , and 10:34.350 --> 10:37.320 as that was unfolding , uh , and I was 10:37.320 --> 10:39.376 going over to this house at the same 10:39.376 --> 10:41.431 time that that was happening , I was 10:41.431 --> 10:43.542 also doing , you know , what would be 10:43.542 --> 10:45.709 sort of thought of as common household 10:45.709 --> 10:47.820 chores . So I was babysitting , I was 10:47.820 --> 10:51.470 cooking and cleaning and um , you know , 10:51.470 --> 10:54.030 taking care of kids , not just hers , 10:54.030 --> 10:56.380 but also the neighborhood , other 10:56.380 --> 10:59.470 neighbors that they had . And so this 10:59.470 --> 11:01.850 became routine for a number of months 11:01.850 --> 11:04.730 and at the same time as this is all 11:04.730 --> 11:06.830 happening , the grooming process is 11:06.830 --> 11:08.941 still ongoing . She's buying me , you 11:08.941 --> 11:11.219 know , fast food , taking me to movies , 11:11.219 --> 11:14.060 concerts . Um remember 11:14.740 --> 11:18.570 one distinct memory of the singer jewel 11:18.580 --> 11:22.440 had a , had a crush on her as a kid and 11:22.450 --> 11:24.450 she was playing a midnight show one 11:24.450 --> 11:26.672 year at the hard rock on New Year's Eve 11:26.672 --> 11:28.728 and she bought me tickets to go that 11:28.728 --> 11:30.617 and you know , so like these were 11:30.617 --> 11:32.672 things like I never thought I'd ever 11:32.672 --> 11:34.783 have the ability to do as a kid and , 11:35.040 --> 11:37.040 and you know , it just continued to 11:37.040 --> 11:39.410 build that level of trust . And then as 11:39.410 --> 11:41.466 that all happened , and as I'm being 11:41.466 --> 11:43.980 sort of slowly removed from my family , 11:43.990 --> 11:46.550 uh , then we begin to enter into this 11:46.550 --> 11:49.280 sort of cycle of violence . So there 11:49.280 --> 11:51.630 comes a point where , um , that sexual 11:51.630 --> 11:55.300 abuse escalates even further into , um , 11:55.310 --> 11:58.260 uh , statutory rape situation . Um , 11:58.270 --> 12:00.492 again , something that I thought that I 12:00.492 --> 12:02.603 wanted at that time because I thought 12:02.603 --> 12:04.826 that I loved this woman , and I thought 12:04.826 --> 12:06.937 that , um , I was eventually going to 12:06.937 --> 12:09.048 be with her and that she was the only 12:09.048 --> 12:11.260 one that really cared for me . And so 12:11.740 --> 12:14.640 I'm I'm spending time at this house . 12:14.650 --> 12:17.970 All of this is happening . I'm cooking 12:17.970 --> 12:21.060 cleaning , taking care of kids , and , 12:21.070 --> 12:23.310 you know , this the sexual abuse and 12:23.310 --> 12:26.050 this emotional abuse is taking hold . 12:26.540 --> 12:29.440 And I end up in a situation where , 12:29.450 --> 12:33.380 um , the was essentially a cycle of 12:33.380 --> 12:35.269 violence . So , as you know , the 12:35.269 --> 12:37.269 sexual abuse is unfolding . There's 12:37.269 --> 12:39.102 also this emotional abuse that's 12:39.102 --> 12:41.213 happening , uh , domestic violence or 12:41.213 --> 12:43.436 physical violence that's also unfolding 12:43.436 --> 12:45.713 because whenever she was angry with me , 12:45.713 --> 12:47.936 or she thought that I wasn't doing what 12:47.936 --> 12:50.047 I was supposed to be doing , uh , you 12:50.047 --> 12:52.213 know , it essentially escalated into , 12:52.213 --> 12:54.570 oh , you're , you know , you're this 12:54.570 --> 12:56.740 you're that , um , sometimes racial 12:56.750 --> 12:58.806 epitaphs for use , it's worth noting 12:58.806 --> 13:00.972 that she was a white woman and , and I 13:00.972 --> 13:03.650 was this , you know , mixed kid and , 13:03.660 --> 13:06.310 um , you know , and her family , you 13:06.310 --> 13:08.254 know , on a pretty regular basis , 13:08.254 --> 13:10.366 would also , uh , you know , refer to 13:10.366 --> 13:13.440 me as as the N word . And , um , you 13:13.440 --> 13:16.380 know , they definitely wanted me gone . 13:16.380 --> 13:18.436 They thought that I was , you know , 13:18.436 --> 13:20.380 why was I this kid that was living 13:20.380 --> 13:22.713 there ? And , you know , her excuse was , 13:22.713 --> 13:24.769 you know , to them that , you know , 13:24.769 --> 13:26.769 James doesn't have anywhere to go . 13:26.769 --> 13:26.700 There's this abusive situation 13:26.700 --> 13:28.867 happening in this house , like we need 13:28.867 --> 13:31.370 to take care of them . Meanwhile , you 13:31.370 --> 13:33.990 know , she herself is sexually abusing 13:33.990 --> 13:37.710 and exploiting me for labor . And 13:37.710 --> 13:39.990 so at this point , I want to just kind 13:39.990 --> 13:42.212 of stop and talk a little bit about the 13:42.212 --> 13:45.220 dynamic that existed uh , for me in 13:45.220 --> 13:48.360 this situation and explain a little bit 13:48.360 --> 13:51.390 about traumatic bonding , traumatic 13:51.390 --> 13:53.940 bonding is known as this dysfunctional 13:53.940 --> 13:57.810 attachment that occurs when victims 13:57.820 --> 14:01.020 essentially uh , developed this 14:01.020 --> 14:04.050 misplaced sense of loyalty to their 14:04.050 --> 14:05.939 abusers . It's oftentimes seen in 14:05.939 --> 14:07.939 domestic violence situations , it's 14:07.939 --> 14:10.720 seen an exploitative colts . Um , it's 14:10.730 --> 14:12.619 commonly referred to as Stockholm 14:12.619 --> 14:15.050 syndrome , where people who go through 14:15.050 --> 14:17.390 traumatic events end up empathizing 14:17.400 --> 14:20.760 with their abuser victimizer 14:20.940 --> 14:24.170 and in some ways , um , can be more 14:24.170 --> 14:26.281 empathetic to them , to those who are 14:26.281 --> 14:28.770 actually trying to help them . And it 14:28.770 --> 14:30.492 happens in these high pressure 14:30.492 --> 14:33.200 situations and for Children , it's 14:33.210 --> 14:37.130 especially acute because oftentimes , 14:37.130 --> 14:39.186 particularly Children in trafficking 14:39.186 --> 14:41.520 situations , what happens is there's 14:41.530 --> 14:43.810 almost always some prior childhood 14:43.810 --> 14:46.360 trauma . Um , not always , but usually , 14:46.740 --> 14:48.730 and , you know , there's some 14:48.730 --> 14:50.397 vulnerability that makes them 14:50.397 --> 14:53.060 particularly susceptible to a child 14:53.060 --> 14:55.080 predator coming into their life and 14:55.090 --> 14:58.450 engaging in exploitative practices , um , 14:58.460 --> 15:01.630 such as a sexual abuse . And so this 15:01.630 --> 15:04.370 grooming process transpires where trust 15:04.370 --> 15:07.230 is developed , the child , let's the , 15:07.240 --> 15:10.980 the abuser in uh , the 15:10.990 --> 15:13.790 bond continues to form because , you 15:13.790 --> 15:15.901 know , the , you know , the showering 15:15.901 --> 15:18.234 of gifts and compliments and , you know , 15:18.234 --> 15:20.457 the showing of attention that the child 15:20.457 --> 15:22.457 may not be getting , uh , somewhere 15:22.457 --> 15:26.380 else . And then over time that trust 15:26.380 --> 15:29.520 that's developed is used as , you know , 15:29.520 --> 15:33.400 essentially a weapon , um , to begin 15:33.410 --> 15:35.920 the cycle of violence or abuse where , 15:35.930 --> 15:38.041 you know , it could be sexual abuse , 15:38.041 --> 15:40.260 physical abuse and the child in this 15:40.260 --> 15:42.880 situation believes that it's their 15:42.880 --> 15:45.220 fault , um , that this is happening . 15:45.230 --> 15:47.480 It's , you know , or in some instances 15:47.480 --> 15:49.710 it they may be just like , like I was 15:49.710 --> 15:51.599 where they think like , oh , this 15:51.599 --> 15:54.670 person loves me , I want to do this , I 15:54.670 --> 15:56.430 want to engage in this , this 15:56.430 --> 15:59.710 relationship with this person because , 15:59.720 --> 16:01.887 you know , I feel like there they love 16:01.887 --> 16:04.310 me and it's , you know , what I want 16:04.310 --> 16:06.532 and it's what they want and this is the 16:06.532 --> 16:08.588 person I want to be with . And so as 16:08.588 --> 16:10.310 that unfolds , uh , you know , 16:10.310 --> 16:12.588 especially kids who , you know , again , 16:12.588 --> 16:14.650 there were young at that time were 16:14.650 --> 16:16.594 naive about the world , don't know 16:16.594 --> 16:19.000 anything about , you know , or 16:19.000 --> 16:21.111 relationships or anything like that . 16:21.111 --> 16:23.000 And so this , this bond that gets 16:23.000 --> 16:25.167 formed and then you throw into the mix 16:25.167 --> 16:27.810 also somebody who's an adult right in 16:27.810 --> 16:29.977 in a position of authority and power . 16:29.977 --> 16:32.810 And the dynamic is just , um , it 16:32.810 --> 16:36.170 becomes this overbearing sense of a 16:36.180 --> 16:38.970 feeling that you have this obligation 16:38.970 --> 16:42.280 to this person and you have this desire 16:42.280 --> 16:45.890 to want to make them happy and that 16:45.900 --> 16:49.590 it's the most intense feeling of 16:49.600 --> 16:52.770 infatuation and what you think is love . 16:53.340 --> 16:56.880 And it's almost sort of 16:56.880 --> 17:00.350 obsessive , you feel like you can't do 17:00.350 --> 17:02.572 anything to get out of that situation . 17:02.572 --> 17:04.794 And as a result , you become willing to 17:04.794 --> 17:07.110 do just about anything to make that 17:07.110 --> 17:10.820 person happy . Um , and that 17:10.830 --> 17:13.960 really is the basis for most Children 17:14.440 --> 17:16.662 in the United States , especially , but 17:16.662 --> 17:18.773 also around the world , who end up in 17:18.773 --> 17:22.480 human trafficking situations . Uh , you 17:22.480 --> 17:24.591 know , unfortunately in pop culture , 17:24.591 --> 17:26.758 it's sort of been normalized this idea 17:26.758 --> 17:28.813 of taking people being kidnapped off 17:28.813 --> 17:30.980 the streets all this , that that , you 17:30.980 --> 17:33.147 know , certainly it happens , but it's 17:33.147 --> 17:35.369 very rare . Most trafficking situations 17:35.369 --> 17:37.424 are actually skilled child predators 17:37.840 --> 17:40.060 who target young , vulnerable Children 17:40.070 --> 17:43.490 who lack self esteem , who have things 17:43.490 --> 17:45.657 going on in their background and their 17:45.657 --> 17:47.879 their household that make it easier for 17:47.879 --> 17:50.101 someone to come in and show that love , 17:50.101 --> 17:52.268 affection and attention that the child 17:52.268 --> 17:53.990 isn't getting and develop that 17:53.990 --> 17:56.870 exploitative relationship . And um , 17:56.880 --> 17:58.991 you know , and whether you're talking 17:58.991 --> 18:01.269 about trafficking or labor trafficking , 18:01.269 --> 18:03.547 the dynamic can be very , very similar , 18:03.547 --> 18:06.010 right ? So that that bond that's formed 18:06.020 --> 18:09.850 with that abuser then is used as the 18:09.860 --> 18:12.720 tool that the trafficker uses to get 18:12.720 --> 18:15.310 the child to go out and do whatever 18:15.310 --> 18:17.421 they want . You know , in trafficking 18:17.421 --> 18:19.532 situations , it's , you know , go out 18:19.532 --> 18:23.100 there and meet your nightly quota , um , 18:23.110 --> 18:25.790 and be exploited in prostitution . In 18:25.790 --> 18:28.310 my case , it was , you know , come home 18:28.310 --> 18:31.110 and come home to my house and , you 18:31.110 --> 18:33.221 know , take care of kids and cook and 18:33.221 --> 18:35.620 clean and you know , do what I tell you 18:35.620 --> 18:37.900 and do what I asked you to do . Um , 18:37.900 --> 18:40.370 otherwise you're not gonna have that 18:40.370 --> 18:42.426 love and that affection , you know , 18:42.426 --> 18:44.550 I'm gonna tell you to go back to your 18:44.550 --> 18:46.661 house , I don't want you to be here . 18:46.740 --> 18:50.420 And so that threat of that loss of not 18:50.420 --> 18:53.770 having that person becomes essentially 18:53.770 --> 18:55.603 these invisible chains , right ? 18:55.603 --> 18:58.660 Because you feel so deeply that you 18:58.660 --> 19:00.882 love them and that you're willing to do 19:00.882 --> 19:04.500 anything for them . And so for me , I 19:04.500 --> 19:06.611 ended up running away from my house . 19:06.611 --> 19:08.778 My my parents were , so it started off 19:08.778 --> 19:10.778 in my eighth grade year of me , you 19:10.778 --> 19:13.080 know , uh , going going from school 19:13.080 --> 19:15.302 over to their house and staying there , 19:15.302 --> 19:17.636 you know , late into the night and then , 19:17.636 --> 19:19.802 you know , her dropping me back off at 19:19.802 --> 19:22.024 my house , um where my parents lived um 19:22.024 --> 19:24.130 And then escalated after my eighth 19:24.130 --> 19:26.140 grade year , were actually left my 19:26.140 --> 19:28.660 parents house and I moved in and lived 19:28.660 --> 19:32.570 with this family and um and that 19:32.570 --> 19:36.510 was uh that 19:36.510 --> 19:38.732 was a very difficult thing , you know ? 19:38.732 --> 19:42.160 Um Mhm . I felt that 19:42.840 --> 19:45.040 this person again was the only person 19:45.040 --> 19:47.050 that I had in the world and that my 19:47.050 --> 19:50.280 parents , you know didn't really care 19:50.280 --> 19:53.340 for me and love me and I think for me 19:54.180 --> 19:56.480 sort of subconsciously that took hold 19:56.480 --> 19:58.820 also because of the fact that , you 19:58.820 --> 20:01.710 know , there wasn't this attempt to you 20:01.710 --> 20:04.070 know , really stop me or you know , 20:04.070 --> 20:06.490 call the police or there were so many 20:06.500 --> 20:09.810 points in time where um nobody really 20:09.810 --> 20:12.060 intervened to stop what was happening 20:12.070 --> 20:14.126 and I think that that's what made my 20:14.126 --> 20:16.880 situation that much worse um was that I 20:16.880 --> 20:18.880 was sort of this forgotten child in 20:18.880 --> 20:21.990 many ways , and , and 20:21.990 --> 20:25.160 so a long story short , 20:25.540 --> 20:29.110 uh I end up living at this this house 20:29.110 --> 20:32.990 for a period of about two years . 20:33.000 --> 20:36.330 Uh I eventually was able to break free 20:36.330 --> 20:38.552 of this , this manipulative hold , this 20:38.552 --> 20:40.663 trauma bond that I had developed with 20:40.663 --> 20:42.552 my abuser about midway through my 20:42.552 --> 20:45.350 sophomore year in high school . Um as 20:45.350 --> 20:47.517 one might expect with the dynamic that 20:47.517 --> 20:49.683 was happening , I should also say that 20:49.683 --> 20:51.739 as the , as this abuse was happening 20:51.739 --> 20:53.850 with me , there were other young boys 20:53.850 --> 20:57.040 that she was also abusing and I was 20:57.040 --> 20:59.151 very much aware of this , but again , 20:59.151 --> 21:02.290 my trauma bond um was such that , like , 21:02.300 --> 21:04.610 I was always like , okay , I always 21:04.610 --> 21:06.610 went back to this place like , oh , 21:06.610 --> 21:08.777 she's she's abusing another kid , like 21:08.777 --> 21:10.888 that's and I didn't think of it as an 21:10.888 --> 21:13.054 abuse at the time , I thought about it 21:13.054 --> 21:12.720 as like , oh , she's having this 21:12.720 --> 21:14.776 relationship with this other child . 21:14.776 --> 21:16.998 And I always thought like , oh , like , 21:16.998 --> 21:19.580 what am I doing wrong ? Like what has 21:19.580 --> 21:23.090 led to this ? And so for me , that 21:23.090 --> 21:25.900 was , you know , again , a complicating 21:25.900 --> 21:27.844 factor because I was always in the 21:27.844 --> 21:29.900 state of trying to figure out what I 21:29.900 --> 21:32.440 was doing wrong . And uh in addition , 21:32.440 --> 21:35.340 and it wasn't just boys either . She 21:35.340 --> 21:38.430 was having an affair with several men 21:38.440 --> 21:40.551 and she would always tell me about it 21:40.551 --> 21:42.607 almost as a way to sort of , I don't 21:42.607 --> 21:44.662 know if it was like rubbing it in my 21:44.662 --> 21:46.829 face or just sort of , you know , just 21:46.829 --> 21:48.884 another tactic to emotionally abused 21:48.884 --> 21:52.440 and harm me um in a way that um just 21:52.440 --> 21:54.770 really always seem to drive another 21:54.770 --> 21:56.881 dagger through my heart and it always 21:56.881 --> 21:58.937 made me feel like , okay , what do I 21:58.937 --> 22:01.103 need to do to make sure she doesn't do 22:01.103 --> 22:03.270 this again , Like it's me , like she , 22:03.270 --> 22:05.214 the reason she keeps doing this is 22:05.214 --> 22:07.492 because of me and meanwhile , you know , 22:07.492 --> 22:06.990 she's also married and she has this 22:06.990 --> 22:09.212 family that happens and so as you might 22:09.212 --> 22:11.470 expect like that that whole dynamic 22:11.480 --> 22:14.890 begins to crumble . She separates from 22:14.900 --> 22:18.140 her husband , leaves her Children , I 22:18.140 --> 22:20.510 follow her . Um She moved in with her 22:20.510 --> 22:22.566 parents , so I actually followed her 22:22.566 --> 22:25.140 and lived with her and her parents for 22:25.140 --> 22:28.680 a while . Um And then um and 22:28.680 --> 22:32.660 then after shortly after that um you 22:32.660 --> 22:36.260 know as more time ended up uh 22:36.840 --> 22:40.240 uh passing I ended up sort 22:40.240 --> 22:43.770 of two things happened . One was 22:44.240 --> 22:46.890 I made the decision to move back in 22:46.890 --> 22:49.920 with my parents , my parents um And in 22:49.920 --> 22:52.031 part that was also facilitated by the 22:52.031 --> 22:55.850 fact that uh her mother uh was not 22:55.850 --> 22:59.470 happy about me uh now living in this 22:59.470 --> 23:03.190 house with her , um and so that , you 23:03.190 --> 23:05.301 know , helped to sort of facilitate , 23:05.301 --> 23:07.579 you know , my exit from that situation , 23:07.579 --> 23:10.080 but also uh what it was also the case 23:10.080 --> 23:14.010 that um as that's happening during 23:14.010 --> 23:16.066 my sophomore year in high school , I 23:16.066 --> 23:18.010 happened to wander onto a football 23:18.010 --> 23:20.280 field and um I met some really great 23:20.280 --> 23:21.660 coaches and I ended up 23:23.640 --> 23:27.520 really dedicated myself to to playing 23:27.520 --> 23:29.742 football and wrestling in high school , 23:30.240 --> 23:34.120 and that gave me the outlet that I 23:34.120 --> 23:37.470 really needed , um to focus the pain 23:37.470 --> 23:40.100 that I was feeling in this sense of um 23:40.110 --> 23:43.490 of not being enough and really 23:43.500 --> 23:45.850 redirecting all of that negative energy 23:46.240 --> 23:49.380 into into sports . And I became 23:49.380 --> 23:51.602 obsessive with that , that became , you 23:51.602 --> 23:53.769 know , this new obsession that I had , 23:53.769 --> 23:57.560 and especially with wrestling , and um 23:57.570 --> 24:00.640 and thankfully I had amazing coaches 24:00.650 --> 24:04.590 that um probably sense that , you know , 24:04.590 --> 24:06.812 there was this kid that it was an inner 24:06.812 --> 24:09.034 city school . So , you know , I think a 24:09.034 --> 24:11.034 lot of the coaches there uh figured 24:11.034 --> 24:13.034 that , you know , a lot of the kids 24:13.034 --> 24:14.923 that are playing sports are going 24:14.923 --> 24:16.979 through , you know , issues in their 24:16.979 --> 24:19.146 lives at home and in their communities 24:19.146 --> 24:22.190 that are tough and , uh , but these 24:22.190 --> 24:25.670 coaches really , really cared and 24:25.680 --> 24:28.270 taught me a great deal about myself and , 24:28.280 --> 24:31.800 you know , my own self worth and what 24:31.800 --> 24:35.090 it meant to , um , be somebody of value 24:35.100 --> 24:38.670 and it was through that , um , 24:39.040 --> 24:42.270 that it just became a 24:42.840 --> 24:45.270 easier for me to , to disconnect from 24:45.280 --> 24:47.340 that situation and I eventually was 24:47.340 --> 24:50.270 able to , um , and I eventually got to 24:50.270 --> 24:52.326 a point as well where I , you know , 24:52.326 --> 24:54.690 became strong enough to cut off all 24:54.690 --> 24:57.360 contact from her and 24:57.840 --> 25:01.120 uh , you know , eventually , you know , 25:01.130 --> 25:03.860 get back to some semblance of normalcy 25:03.860 --> 25:05.804 by the time I was a senior in high 25:05.804 --> 25:08.840 school and but those , you know , those 25:08.840 --> 25:10.896 scars , you know , definitely stayed 25:10.896 --> 25:12.784 with me and there were a lot of , 25:12.784 --> 25:15.190 there's a lot of impact from that , um , 25:15.200 --> 25:17.680 including , you know , how I behaved 25:17.690 --> 25:21.010 post that uh in high school , 25:21.380 --> 25:25.190 you know , I became , uh it's very sort 25:25.190 --> 25:28.430 of immature kid and uh , you know , 25:28.430 --> 25:30.763 it's kind of a class clown and jokester . 25:30.763 --> 25:32.597 I was sort of always looking for 25:32.597 --> 25:35.380 validation or attention as I sort of 25:35.380 --> 25:37.324 transition from being this sort of 25:37.324 --> 25:39.491 quiet kid who dressed in all black and 25:39.491 --> 25:41.960 it was kind of weird and awkward . Um , 25:42.440 --> 25:44.551 and in part of , part of it , I think 25:44.551 --> 25:46.829 was it was hard for me , um , you know , 25:46.829 --> 25:48.884 how do you go back to being a normal 25:48.884 --> 25:51.218 high school kid after , you know , your , 25:51.218 --> 25:53.329 you know , even though I was going to 25:53.329 --> 25:55.329 school that whole time , you know ? 25:55.329 --> 25:57.551 Although I was often tardy and late and 25:57.551 --> 25:59.773 you know , but how do you go back to to 25:59.773 --> 26:01.718 any sense of normalcy when you the 26:01.718 --> 26:04.650 socialization that happens between , 26:04.660 --> 26:07.580 you know , your eighth grade year and 26:07.590 --> 26:09.757 you know , your sophomore year in high 26:09.757 --> 26:11.757 school is completely gone because I 26:11.757 --> 26:13.979 wasn't allowed to talk to kids my age , 26:13.979 --> 26:16.090 I wasn't allowed to engage with girls 26:16.090 --> 26:18.201 my age and figure out like what , you 26:18.201 --> 26:20.090 know , who I was and what kind of 26:20.090 --> 26:22.201 friendships and relationships I could 26:22.201 --> 26:24.312 have formed with other Children . And 26:24.312 --> 26:26.479 so when I came out of that situation , 26:26.479 --> 26:28.701 I was incredibly awkward um and talking 26:28.701 --> 26:30.812 with girls and talking even with like 26:30.812 --> 26:32.979 boys my age , um it was a very strange 26:32.979 --> 26:35.310 phenomenon and the only way I really 26:35.310 --> 26:37.477 knew how to sort of cope with that was 26:37.477 --> 26:39.532 to sort of , you know , as I sort of 26:39.532 --> 26:41.754 emerged from this sort of cocoon was to 26:41.754 --> 26:44.710 um , was to be this sort of jokes 26:44.710 --> 26:47.640 during class clown and um , but sort of 26:47.640 --> 26:49.751 beneath the surface , there was there 26:49.751 --> 26:51.751 was this this pain that I was I was 26:51.751 --> 26:55.200 dealing with . Um , you know , and , 26:55.210 --> 26:57.670 and so that , you know , is my story . 26:57.670 --> 26:59.726 It's a little bit unconventional and 26:59.726 --> 27:01.726 probably unlike many stories that , 27:01.726 --> 27:04.860 that folks might here . Um , you know , 27:04.860 --> 27:07.540 but it's one where , you know , I was , 27:07.550 --> 27:09.494 you know , a victim of involuntary 27:09.494 --> 27:11.494 servitude , you know , and what the 27:11.494 --> 27:13.439 method of control that was used to 27:13.439 --> 27:15.661 control me was this traumatic bond that 27:15.661 --> 27:17.828 I had developed with this very skilled 27:17.828 --> 27:19.939 child sexual predator . And once that 27:19.939 --> 27:22.050 trauma bond took hold , I was willing 27:22.050 --> 27:24.760 to do anything that she she asked of me 27:25.240 --> 27:28.870 and um , You know , and to sort of 27:28.870 --> 27:31.900 accentuate that .2 on the impact of 27:31.900 --> 27:35.350 Trauma bonds . Okay . The lowest point 27:35.350 --> 27:37.406 that I ever got to , I remember this 27:37.406 --> 27:39.450 quite is very vividly 27:40.940 --> 27:43.051 there there was some sort of incident 27:43.051 --> 27:45.990 that happened at the house and when I 27:46.000 --> 27:48.350 when I was living there and she had 27:48.350 --> 27:50.370 become very angry with me and I was 27:50.370 --> 27:52.980 trying to , you know , figure out like 27:52.990 --> 27:55.157 what I had done and so I was trying to 27:55.157 --> 27:57.212 talk to her and and I was like , you 27:57.212 --> 27:59.434 know , please tell me what , you know , 27:59.434 --> 28:01.546 why are you doing this , why you know 28:01.546 --> 28:00.870 what's going on ? It was because it was 28:00.870 --> 28:03.060 this concentrated gaslighting and she 28:03.060 --> 28:05.171 finally got angry with me because I , 28:05.171 --> 28:07.393 you know , I was trying to press her on 28:07.393 --> 28:09.616 on why she was treating me this way and 28:09.616 --> 28:11.727 she just started , you know , punched 28:11.727 --> 28:13.782 me in the face several times and you 28:13.782 --> 28:15.949 know , eventually fell down and I just 28:15.949 --> 28:19.560 started crying because I didn't , 28:20.740 --> 28:22.573 I didn't know what I had done to 28:22.573 --> 28:25.160 deserve how she was treating me . 28:26.040 --> 28:29.380 And I also felt that there was nothing 28:29.380 --> 28:33.380 I could do to change the dynamic and 28:33.390 --> 28:35.501 it was always my fault , but I didn't 28:35.501 --> 28:39.200 know what I was doing , and And I think 28:39.200 --> 28:41.650 I was around 14 or 15 when this 28:41.650 --> 28:43.817 incident happened , and at that time I 28:43.817 --> 28:46.039 remember there was a uh there was a gun 28:46.039 --> 28:48.940 in the house , and I remember after 28:48.940 --> 28:51.050 that incident , um being beaten and 28:51.050 --> 28:53.217 just sort of emotionally torn down , I 28:53.217 --> 28:55.500 went to her closet and pulled out this 28:55.500 --> 28:59.310 gun And I held it to my head and it 28:59.310 --> 29:02.810 was , it was a 22 was a small , small 29:02.810 --> 29:05.770 gun . Um and 29:07.140 --> 29:09.340 I didn't , I wasn't in a place where I 29:09.340 --> 29:11.173 was going to pull the trigger or 29:11.173 --> 29:14.740 anything , but I wanted to feel um what 29:14.740 --> 29:17.560 it was like uh 29:18.640 --> 29:21.150 to imagine death because I felt that 29:21.150 --> 29:23.480 that was the only way I was ever going 29:23.480 --> 29:26.510 to get to a place of peace and calm and 29:26.510 --> 29:28.399 where I didn't have this constant 29:28.399 --> 29:32.280 anxiety and um you know , I just stayed 29:32.280 --> 29:34.770 there in the dark , crying and holding 29:34.770 --> 29:36.950 this gun and just imagining what that 29:36.950 --> 29:39.330 was like sort of this idea of peace and 29:39.330 --> 29:42.670 serenity . Anyway , I 29:42.680 --> 29:45.560 uh put the gun away , um 29:46.440 --> 29:49.220 you know , after after a few minutes of 29:49.230 --> 29:53.190 this imagining and um you know , 29:53.190 --> 29:55.301 it went back and , you know , it kind 29:55.301 --> 29:58.460 of went back about my day and um 29:59.140 --> 30:02.410 and it was hard , the whole situation 30:02.410 --> 30:05.860 was hard , but it's an example of how , 30:06.940 --> 30:09.130 you know , as a kid , you could be in 30:09.130 --> 30:11.470 this situation where you're not doing 30:11.470 --> 30:14.020 anything wrong but because there's this 30:14.020 --> 30:17.770 skilled abuser um uh 30:18.140 --> 30:20.196 yeah , you know , you feel like that 30:20.196 --> 30:22.307 you are , you feel that everything is 30:22.307 --> 30:24.930 your fault , but you don't know why and 30:24.940 --> 30:26.940 it's this constant search of like , 30:26.940 --> 30:29.580 well why is it that I'm being treated 30:29.580 --> 30:32.340 this way ? And yeah , 30:33.140 --> 30:36.700 and because you blame yourself , you're , 30:36.710 --> 30:40.270 you're willing to do anything . And uh , 30:41.040 --> 30:44.870 and that's for me was being 30:44.870 --> 30:48.560 exploited in this situation where I was 30:49.540 --> 30:52.900 a domestic servant for this family for 30:53.170 --> 30:56.460 several years . Um , 30:57.820 --> 30:59.876 there were points along the way that 30:59.876 --> 31:02.850 adults could have intervened , uh , 31:03.440 --> 31:05.700 teachers at my school student teacher 31:05.700 --> 31:08.710 aides uh , definitely noticed like , 31:08.720 --> 31:10.776 you know , there was something wrong 31:10.776 --> 31:12.910 with me and they try to pay as much 31:12.910 --> 31:15.077 attention to me as possible and figure 31:15.077 --> 31:17.299 out what's going on with James . And so 31:17.299 --> 31:19.243 like , you know , the thing that I 31:19.243 --> 31:21.243 would highlight for educators are , 31:21.243 --> 31:23.299 particularly if you see a kid that , 31:23.299 --> 31:25.521 you know , their demeanor significantly 31:25.521 --> 31:27.466 changes where they go from sort of 31:27.466 --> 31:29.710 being this sort of happy go lucky kid 31:29.710 --> 31:31.821 to be and sort of , you know , pulled 31:31.821 --> 31:33.766 out from everything and , and uh , 31:33.766 --> 31:36.650 withdrawn , something's going on , you 31:36.650 --> 31:38.706 know , something is going on in that 31:38.706 --> 31:42.050 child's life , um , and , you know , I 31:42.050 --> 31:44.720 think there's a tendency to sometimes 31:44.730 --> 31:47.290 ignore those sorts of things and not 31:47.290 --> 31:51.270 pay attention to them , um , but you 31:51.270 --> 31:53.410 never know what can be going on , and 31:53.410 --> 31:55.990 so , um , you know , if you see a kid 31:55.990 --> 31:58.157 like that , it's important , I think , 31:58.157 --> 32:00.200 to ask questions and to continue to 32:00.200 --> 32:02.422 engage and continue to prod and talk to 32:02.422 --> 32:04.700 their family and figure out , you know , 32:04.700 --> 32:06.700 um , are there other adults in this 32:06.700 --> 32:08.922 kid's life ? What , you know , is there 32:08.922 --> 32:10.922 any dynamic that shifted recently , 32:10.922 --> 32:12.978 asking prodding questions to kind of 32:12.978 --> 32:15.840 figure out what is the reason for this 32:15.850 --> 32:19.840 shift in attitude and mindset ? Um and 32:19.840 --> 32:22.007 that was hard , that's that was a hard 32:22.007 --> 32:24.173 dynamic for , you know , teachers , um 32:24.173 --> 32:26.396 I think to sometimes figure out , but I 32:26.396 --> 32:28.562 think sometimes asking those questions 32:28.562 --> 32:30.562 can be helpful . The other thing is 32:30.562 --> 32:32.729 that perhaps the people that were most 32:32.729 --> 32:35.390 culpable um for the situation outside 32:35.390 --> 32:38.350 of my parents um who , 32:39.340 --> 32:43.310 you know , I denied to them , you know , 32:43.310 --> 32:47.140 that anything bad was going on , but my 32:47.140 --> 32:49.850 cousin , you know , new otherwise and 32:49.850 --> 32:52.060 had tried to explain to them what was 32:52.060 --> 32:54.060 going on , and I think , you know , 32:54.060 --> 32:56.004 there is a tendency on the part of 32:56.004 --> 32:57.838 parents sometimes to not want to 32:57.838 --> 33:00.720 imagine the worst case scenario , but 33:00.720 --> 33:02.942 sometimes , you know , I think you have 33:02.942 --> 33:05.800 to in order to protect Children from 33:05.810 --> 33:08.200 what's actually happening . And so I 33:08.200 --> 33:10.680 think being involved in Children's 33:10.680 --> 33:12.902 lives as critical and asking those body 33:12.902 --> 33:15.830 questions um as uncomfortable as it 33:15.830 --> 33:17.886 might be because you just don't know 33:17.886 --> 33:20.250 especially when um , there are other 33:20.250 --> 33:22.194 adults in the picture . And that's 33:22.194 --> 33:24.550 another really important thing that I 33:24.560 --> 33:27.400 would flag . Yeah , parents and 33:27.400 --> 33:29.456 teachers , everyone's always worried 33:29.456 --> 33:31.622 about , you know , the predator hiding 33:31.622 --> 33:35.100 in the bushes . Ah Most kids over 33:35.100 --> 33:37.740 90% of kids who are sexually abused are 33:37.750 --> 33:41.150 abused by somebody they know somebody 33:41.150 --> 33:44.460 they know . And that is a very hard 33:44.460 --> 33:46.682 dynamic for people to accept because we 33:46.682 --> 33:48.627 don't want to accept the fact that 33:48.627 --> 33:51.460 there are predators among us . Okay . 33:51.840 --> 33:55.160 And , but it's absolutely essential to 33:55.160 --> 33:57.570 protecting Children to understand that 33:57.580 --> 34:00.740 the people who are likely to abuse your 34:00.740 --> 34:03.190 Children or your neighbors . You know , 34:03.200 --> 34:05.367 there are people in Boy Scouts , their 34:05.367 --> 34:08.250 volunteer parents . They are , you know , 34:08.340 --> 34:10.610 people in positions of authority who 34:10.620 --> 34:13.610 get close to kids in order to abuse 34:13.610 --> 34:17.430 them . Um , and so be aware of 34:17.440 --> 34:21.190 that . Um , and understand that that 34:21.200 --> 34:25.060 is a dynamic and inhumanity that exists . 34:27.040 --> 34:30.730 Uh , the other thing , uh , there 34:30.730 --> 34:33.270 were people in the Boy Scouts and at 34:33.270 --> 34:35.720 the church who suspected that something 34:35.720 --> 34:39.540 was amiss . You know , we , I spent a 34:39.540 --> 34:42.700 lot of time around her in these 34:42.700 --> 34:44.990 different environments , right ? As as 34:44.990 --> 34:47.046 these months unfolded , I eventually 34:47.046 --> 34:49.310 quit the Boy Scouts because I was 34:49.310 --> 34:52.000 questioned about the nature of the 34:52.000 --> 34:54.380 relationship , because people had begun 34:54.380 --> 34:56.324 to notice like , you know , what's 34:56.324 --> 34:58.547 James , why is he always around her and 34:58.547 --> 35:00.547 why she was always around him ? And 35:00.547 --> 35:02.713 like this seems really inappropriate . 35:02.713 --> 35:04.769 Like they're constantly together and 35:04.769 --> 35:08.270 they were right , but nobody reached 35:08.270 --> 35:10.560 out to my parents , nobody called the 35:10.560 --> 35:12.960 police , nobody did anything . 35:14.140 --> 35:17.080 And as I reflect on some of the worst 35:17.080 --> 35:19.090 parts of that experience . For me , 35:19.100 --> 35:22.450 it's that dynamic . It's the fact that 35:22.460 --> 35:25.670 people suspected but did nothing , 35:26.940 --> 35:29.051 Don't be that person who does nothing 35:29.640 --> 35:33.230 because the worst thing in the world 35:33.230 --> 35:36.990 that can happen as you do nothing . And 35:36.990 --> 35:39.157 then a child spends the next couple of 35:39.157 --> 35:42.910 years in a literal health , being 35:42.910 --> 35:44.880 sexually abused , being physically 35:44.880 --> 35:47.380 abused , being emotionally abused and 35:47.380 --> 35:48.936 being exploited for labor . 35:51.040 --> 35:53.200 And the whole time them thinking it's 35:53.200 --> 35:56.850 their fault . And I 35:56.850 --> 35:59.030 wish there had been an adult in the 35:59.030 --> 36:02.660 room or even appear of my age who 36:04.130 --> 36:05.852 would have had the courage and 36:05.852 --> 36:09.530 conviction to do what was , right ? So 36:09.530 --> 36:13.470 remember , no matter how much now , 36:13.480 --> 36:15.536 no matter how hard it is , no matter 36:15.536 --> 36:17.660 how much it might hurt , it's really 36:17.660 --> 36:20.660 important to do what is , right , okay . 36:21.030 --> 36:24.250 And if you suspect or you know 36:24.830 --> 36:28.040 that somebody , you know or one of your 36:28.040 --> 36:31.910 students is a is 36:31.910 --> 36:35.650 in an exploitative situation . You 36:35.650 --> 36:37.872 gotta , you gotta talk to authorities , 36:37.872 --> 36:39.983 you've got to talk to their parents , 36:39.983 --> 36:42.550 you gotta talk to other adults because 36:43.030 --> 36:46.370 the risk of not doing so , 36:46.380 --> 36:49.240 uh it can be catastrophic . 36:50.730 --> 36:53.870 I was fortunate , you know , to escape 36:53.870 --> 36:56.750 that situation and to remain , 36:57.930 --> 37:00.280 you know , relatively balanced and 37:00.280 --> 37:02.550 continue on with my studies . I was the 37:02.550 --> 37:04.800 only person in my family who my parents 37:04.800 --> 37:07.480 raised who graduated from high school , 37:07.570 --> 37:09.459 became a first generation college 37:09.459 --> 37:11.681 graduate and then eventually a lawyer . 37:11.681 --> 37:14.170 Yeah , that path was hard and that 37:14.170 --> 37:16.770 entire time that I was , you know , 37:16.780 --> 37:19.490 going to school and getting away from 37:19.500 --> 37:22.350 the environment that I came from . That 37:22.350 --> 37:24.183 was something that loomed in the 37:24.183 --> 37:27.660 background constantly and eventually , 37:27.660 --> 37:29.771 you know , I spent years in therapy . 37:29.771 --> 37:32.560 I'm talking about uh that dynamic , 37:32.560 --> 37:34.893 although I'd healed pretty well from it . 37:34.893 --> 37:38.440 Um , but the the 37:38.450 --> 37:42.390 issues that led to me being 37:42.390 --> 37:46.060 in that situation were things that took 37:46.060 --> 37:49.050 many years of therapy for me to address . 37:50.430 --> 37:53.850 And so uh huh . 37:54.330 --> 37:57.050 Yeah , that's that's my story . 37:58.750 --> 38:02.150 I hope it's helpful in thinking through 38:02.520 --> 38:05.720 uh these issues and understanding what 38:05.720 --> 38:07.887 human trafficking and what child labor 38:07.887 --> 38:10.280 trafficking actually looks like . Um 38:10.290 --> 38:12.457 there's a tendency to think about this 38:12.457 --> 38:14.457 issue very myopically , people like 38:14.457 --> 38:16.123 it's trafficking , it's labor 38:16.123 --> 38:17.957 trafficking . Oftentimes there's 38:17.957 --> 38:20.068 elements of both , right , especially 38:20.068 --> 38:21.901 for kids who have developed this 38:21.901 --> 38:24.880 traumatic bond . Uh , what you'll see 38:24.890 --> 38:27.450 is , you know , whether somebody is 38:27.450 --> 38:29.950 primarily a or labor trafficking victim , 38:30.320 --> 38:32.680 there may be instances where there's 38:32.680 --> 38:35.020 also sexual abuse or exploitation going 38:35.020 --> 38:38.390 on on the labor trafficking side , or 38:38.390 --> 38:41.570 if if it's uh child trafficking , 38:41.580 --> 38:44.300 um labor trafficking , right ? If their 38:44.300 --> 38:46.022 trafficker , if they have this 38:46.022 --> 38:47.856 traumatic bond and they're doing 38:47.856 --> 38:49.800 anything that their trafficker has 38:49.800 --> 38:51.744 asked them to do , including being 38:51.744 --> 38:53.911 exploited in prostitution when they're 38:53.911 --> 38:56.078 coming home , it's likely that they're 38:56.078 --> 38:58.244 also being exploited in labor by doing 38:58.244 --> 38:59.967 many of the same things that I 38:59.967 --> 39:01.967 described that I was having to do . 39:01.967 --> 39:04.078 That includes taking care of kids and 39:04.078 --> 39:06.022 cooking and cleaning . And so it's 39:06.022 --> 39:08.189 important to think about the provision 39:08.189 --> 39:10.870 of household chores and um and and 39:10.870 --> 39:14.550 thinking about kids who are might be 39:14.550 --> 39:16.383 going to school , might be doing 39:16.383 --> 39:18.606 relatively well in school . Like it was 39:18.606 --> 39:20.772 for me . Um I wasn't , you know , my , 39:20.772 --> 39:23.050 you know , my grades certainly dropped , 39:23.050 --> 39:24.717 but it wasn't , you know , so 39:24.717 --> 39:26.772 significant . I still did relatively 39:26.772 --> 39:28.772 well in my studies . Um So it's the 39:28.772 --> 39:30.939 outside world . You know , if you look 39:30.939 --> 39:32.994 on paper like , oh , you know , this 39:32.994 --> 39:35.217 kid might be doing well in school , but 39:35.217 --> 39:37.328 at the end of the day , um they might 39:37.328 --> 39:39.494 also be going through um a significant 39:39.494 --> 39:41.494 help um that people just don't know 39:41.494 --> 39:43.606 about . And so that's why it's really 39:43.606 --> 39:45.717 important to ask these questions , to 39:45.717 --> 39:47.383 understand what to look for , 39:47.420 --> 39:49.753 understand what makes people vulnerable . 39:50.220 --> 39:53.870 Um and to watch out for 39:53.870 --> 39:56.450 significant changes in behavior for 39:56.450 --> 39:59.840 Children . Um Thank you so much for 39:59.840 --> 40:02.062 this opportunity to share my story with 40:02.062 --> 40:04.118 you , it's a little bit lengthy . Um 40:04.118 --> 40:06.830 But I hope it's helpful in preventing 40:07.310 --> 40:09.320 other people , other Children from 40:09.430 --> 40:12.240 having experienced what I did . Uh huh . 40:12.910 --> 40:15.077 And to leave on a more positive note , 40:15.077 --> 40:17.490 there's always hope if I can overcome 40:17.490 --> 40:20.860 what I went through . Um Anyone can 40:20.860 --> 40:22.971 also overcome it with a little bit of 40:22.971 --> 40:25.330 support and guidance from people in 40:25.330 --> 40:27.370 their lives . And so it's also 40:27.370 --> 40:30.210 important lesson for educators uh to 40:30.220 --> 40:32.276 you know , be that guiding light for 40:32.276 --> 40:34.331 Children because you never know what 40:34.331 --> 40:36.553 they might be going through . Um and if 40:36.553 --> 40:38.276 you're going through a similar 40:38.276 --> 40:41.270 situation um if anything in my story 40:41.270 --> 40:44.640 resonates with you , um just know that 40:44.640 --> 40:47.940 you're not alone , you're not alone and 40:48.580 --> 40:51.610 it will get better and it's not your 40:51.610 --> 40:55.610 fault , that's not your fault . And 40:55.610 --> 40:59.170 as hard as it might be , you can you 40:59.170 --> 41:01.170 can talk to your teachers , you can 41:01.170 --> 41:05.070 talk to folks who we'll help you . I 41:05.070 --> 41:08.020 promise you that it'll get better . 41:09.210 --> 41:12.240 Mhm . Thank you all so much for 41:12.240 --> 41:14.620 spending these uh several minutes with 41:14.620 --> 41:16.140 me . Thank you .