WEBVTT

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(somber music)

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- Some may wanna talk about
the number of suicides

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in the Air Force, or the statistics.

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But I just can't do that.

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Because those who've
committed suicide are more

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than a number, they're
more than a statistic.

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They're real people.

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They're real people who
really matter to real people

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who really loved them.

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And so today we're gonna
share a couple of stories

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of real people

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who chose to take their lives,

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or attempted to take their
lives who really mattered.

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And they're gonna tell these
stories because you matter.

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They want you to know that you matter,

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and that you're loved,
and that you're not alone.

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And here are their stories.

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(gentle music)

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- When Kayleigh was a
sophomore in high school,

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was when she really began to struggle.

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One minute she was dancing
semi-professionally

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in the Nutcracker,

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and the next moment she
was laying on the floor

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telling me that she
wanted to end her life.

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- My brother was somebody special.

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My brother is somebody special.

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(gentle music)

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Benjamin will always be

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somebody special,

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always.

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- Life's not always been good to me.

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And the thoughts in my
head have been worse.

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I've battled with depression,
suicidal thoughts,

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and I just really wanted to die.

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(gentle music)

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- We came to a point where
we thought we were gonna go

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from a family of five to a family of four.

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Our family got turned upside down

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in a matter of days really.

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And it was tough, it was scary.

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- Our daughter tried to
commit suicide six times

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and we were not prepared, we
didn't know what was going on.

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It was out of body experiencing,

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an experience that nobody
could ever plan for

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or prepare for.

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It devastated our family.

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It devastated me.

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It's hard to put into words what happened,

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everything that we knew was gone.

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Our whole life imploded and our family was

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completely dismantled.

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And there was a lot of despair
and I never ever thought

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that we were gonna make it out.

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- I think getting through it
as a family was exactly that,

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just being a family.

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I think we have a strong
relationship, fortunately,

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and just relying on each other.

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And I have a lot of
confidence in Anna cause

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I was Geographic Severance so
she was the first responder

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if you will for a lot of these situations.

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And knowing that she
was there to handle that

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was extremely helpful.

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(somber music)

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- Ever since he was little,
everyone always said,

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there's just something about that kid,

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I just wanna give him a hug.

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There's just something
about this Ben, this boy,

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there's just something about him.

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But he broke

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after he was sexually assaulted.

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And it was just a downward
spiral from there.

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What happened to my
brother is he couldn't take

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any of that hurt, any of that
guilt, any of that shame,

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any of that fear anymore.

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And he took his own life, he was 16,

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three months shy of turning 17,

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he took his own life.

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- Thankfully for me I had a young airman,

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Airman First Class Matthew Shieber,

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who held out hope to me.

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For three years I did
not cling to that hope.

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But again thankfully he was
persistent in holding out

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that hope.

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And when I was at my lowest
I finally clung to that hope.

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- I've been in just a little over 25 years

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and unfortunately have dealt
with an actually suicide

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in the unit when I was a lieutenant,

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and then I've had a few instances
since Kayleigh's incident

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where people had suicidal ideations.

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I think having gone through
Kayleigh's situation

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has definitely made me
more comfortable to talk

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through those situations
and help people out.

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But honestly the biggest
things to get through

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those situations was just
making sure that the airmen

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that were struggling knew
that I was there for them,

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and then above and beyond that obviously

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I'm not a professional
so referring them to

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the proper treatment as well
and then just kind of following

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up and being there for them
throughout their whole process.

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(gentle music)

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- In 2016 I was struggling.

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In 2016 I was suicidal.

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In 2016 I didn't wanna be alive.

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I got better by putting in the hard work.

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I got better by

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going to therapy,

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going to Mental Health.

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I got better by talking to
chaplain's, going to church,

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surrounding myself with people
I knew who cared about me

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and who I cared about.

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It was a long road.

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It was a lot of crying, it
was a lot of digging deep,

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it was a lot of secrets, it was
awful going through therapy,

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but it helped.

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It made me realize that

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I have to feel the feelings,

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I have to feel the emotions,
I have to go through,

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not go under, not go around,
no go any other way except

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through whatever was in front
of me because otherwise,

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it would come back worse.

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And so if I didn't deal with it then,

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I would deal with it later.

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And I didn't wanna do that anymore,

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I was tired of doing that.

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So I went and got the help I needed.

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I wanna be alive again.

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I wanted to be alive
mostly for my siblings.

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That was my,

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that was my why at the time.

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Now my why is I wanna be alive for me.

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I wanna be alive

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for this journey called life.

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I wanna be alive.

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(gentle music)

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- I don't know your story.

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I don't know where
you're at in your story.

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But I hope that you find hope.

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I hope that you find hope
because you're a real person

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who really matters to real
people who really love you.

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And if you still need help,
you're still struggling with how

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to make something beautiful
out of whatever mess it is

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that you think you're in, call someone.

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Call an In Flak, call Mental Health,

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reach out to a chaplain.

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Your religion doesn't matter, but you do.

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You matter to me, you matter
to those who love you.

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You are not alone.

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(gentle music)