Photo By Airman 1st Class Kaleb Tewes | U.S. Air Force Tech. Sgt. Rose Gudex, 81st Training Wing public affairs senior...... read more read more
“He’s gone. Shawn...he’s gone.”
Silence.
“Did you hear me?”
Pause.
My voice cracked when I responded, understanding I would never be able to call or talk to my younger brother again.
“Yeah.”
Shawn had ended his own life.
Suicide can happen quietly and sometimes it’s the people closest to us who are struggling. A lesson painfully learned throughout my life and career: we are not meant to carry our struggles alone. Losing my brother reminded me that silence can be deadly, and seeking help is not just normal—it’s necessary.
I was halfway across the globe stationed at Incirlik Air Base in Turkey when the call came that shattered my world. Now, it has been three years since I lost my brother, and there are more questions than answers.
For a long time I blamed myself. What if I had texted him more? What if I called him just for fun instead of only around a holiday or family event? When I first arrived at Incirlik, time passed quickly and I hadn’t reached back home.
It wasn't long before the summer heat faded to something a bit more bearable, and yet I thought about how my coworkers were doing away from loved ones and didn’t check in with my own siblings. Suddenly it was Shawn’s 28th birthday and I messaged him to wish him a happy birthday, but was it too little too late?
He saw my message, but didn’t respond. I’ll never know if a few more phone calls would have made him feel loved enough to stay.
I moved to Germany just two months after Shawn died and I spent endless hours at work because going home meant confronting what else I could or should have done differently. The echo in my newly-rented, still-empty house screamed at me.
Everyone said “it’s not your fault” and “there’s nothing you could have done,” but I questioned if that was true.
After my family lost our mom nearly eight years previously, I focused on my teammates to ensure they felt cared about and as the years passed, thought less about the family back where I grew up. If I was fine, then they were fine, too. Right?
Guilt clouded my thoughts day and night. I knew all the resources available and yet I couldn’t bring myself to do anything about it. Maybe I was subconsciously punishing myself - working myself to the bone so I didn’t have to feel the heartache of losing someone close to me.
My 30-minute drives on the autobahn home allowed too much time for my thoughts to wander. What if what happened to my brother happened to me? I was scared, but eventually a new coworker helped me realize that I needed to seek mental health treatment, rather than just tell other people about how helpful it was.
The misconception about being on antidepressants lingered at the back of my mind, but I knew I couldn’t tackle this hurdle on my own. After I started medication, I began to feel like myself again. I even had the opportunity to deploy and thrived under the pressure. All of us were away from loved ones and it reminded me to check in with family more often, and we slowly tried to heal, together.
In our personal and professional lives, time is precious. We can’t afford to be passive when it comes to our relationships. It’s so easy to get stuck with day-to-day responsibilities that we forget to slow down and connect.
We can have the best intentions and think we’ll do the right thing, but did we do something? When you say “yeah, my door is always open,” is it? As leaders or parents, when you say “yeah, let me know whatever you need,” are you listening when someone tells you exactly what they need?
It is not enough to say “I’m here.” You have to back it up with action.
Checking in regularly, spending time with colleagues, friends, or family, helps you notice when someone might be struggling. Even small gestures matter: a thoughtful message, a shared meal, or simply asking, “How are you, really?” These moments build trust and give people the space to speak up. No amount of annual training is going to replace getting to know the people around you.
It’s a sign of courage to admit you need help and to ask for it, but it looks different for each individual. Sometimes it’s as small as talking to a peer or supervisor about a stressor, or talking to a first sergeant or chaplain. Military and Family Readiness Centers have a plethora of resources, or sometimes more specific medical care is needed.
Beyond resources, what matters most is to be human. I am forever grateful to my first supervisor who watched me cry in his office when my mom died and showed me what it meant to work for someone who cared, and that asking for help wasn’t frowned upon.
To the first sergeant who spent the whole short tour getting to know our American Forces Network crew as his own even though we didn’t technically belong to him and who immediately called me on a Friday night when I messaged him to say I got bad news from back home - you’re the kind of leader I want to be.
If all the challenges in my life have taught me anything, it’s to be loud. To speak up when I need help or someone else might need help. It’s to have a backbone to do the right thing when it’s not the easy thing.
Nothing is quite as loud as the silence of the phone call telling you someone took their own life. I refuse to let that silence happen again. Speak up. Check in. Be present. Your voice can make the difference.
Kessler AFB Resources:
*Military Family Life Counselors
- Provide confidential, short-term counseling and support for service members and families on personal, family, and work-life issues.
228-209-6280 or 228-229-3801
*Military & Family Readiness Center
- Offers support, resources, and classes for service members and families, including financial guidance, sponsorship connection, and help adjusting to life at a new duty station.
228-376-8728
*Behavioral / Mental Health:
- Provides active duty members, Guard/Reserve on orders, and families with mental health support through individual and group therapy, family advocacy, and substance abuse prevention programs.
228-376-0385
*Sexual Assault and Prevention Response:
-Provides 24/7 support, advocacy, and prevention training for victims and survivors of sexual assault
228-377-7278 (24/7)
*Keesler Chapel
-Provides worship services, counseling, religious education, marriage enrichment, and family/personal development programs for all faith groups. Chaplains are available for guidance, support, and spiritual care.
Main Office / Duty Hours: 228-377-4859
After-Hours Emergency: 228-377-4330 (Command Post for on-call chaplain)
Other Resources:
*988 Lifeline
-Free, 24/7, judgment-free support from trained counselors for anyone in need of compassionate assistance.
Call or text: 988
*Military One Source
-Free, 24/7 support for service members and eligible family members, including counseling, resources for benefits, and tools for military life.
1-800-342-9647
*DoD Safe Helpline
-Anonymous, confidential, and secure support for survivors of sexual assault, providing a safe space to heal at your own pace. Call, use a chat function, or discuss in a safe help room.
1-877-995-5247
*Veterans Crisis Line
-Provides 24/7 confidential support for service members and veterans in crisis, including chat and phone options.
1-800-273-8255, Option 1
*Department of the Air Force Integrated Resilience
-Provides resources and training to prevent, intervene, and respond to mental health crises, helping Airmen and their families navigate life’s challenges.
www.resilience.af.mil
| Date Taken: | 09.02.2025 |
| Date Posted: | 09.02.2025 15:09 |
| Story ID: | 547036 |
| Location: | KEESLER AIR FORCE BASE, MISSISSIPPI, US |
| Web Views: | 226 |
| Downloads: | 1 |
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