Looking out at the clouds from the side of the roaring prop plane, U.S. Air Force Tech. Sgt. Kate Parker battled a whirlwind of fear and exhilaration. Despite the deafening engine and shouted instructions, a surprising surge of calmness coursed through her, a stark contrast to her lifelong fear of heights. The military veteran skydiving instructors had framed the tandem jump as more than a physical feat—it was a leap of faith, a chance to shed the emotional weight of grief. Parker knew she was deliberately placing herself in a terrifying situation, but it was necessary to help heal from the grief and anger she was holding onto.
April 18, 2022, marked the day Parker’s life took an irreversible turn. Her husband, United States Air Force Maj. Mike Parker, lost his battle with depression and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, making the heartbreaking decision to end his life.
In that first week, she recalled an outpouring of support, with people readily available to help. Her house was continuously filled with members of her family, and high-ranking officials, including United States Air Force generals.
“I felt like a lost puppy and so alone,” recounted Parker. “I couldn’t think straight. I remember thinking, a general is coming to my house. What should I do, I should clean? I kind of just walked around in circles in my own house. I could hear people chatting about everyday life; and I couldn’t comprehend it.”
In the first week after her loss, Parker found even stepping outside of her home to be an immense challenge. As she navigated funeral arrangements and an overwhelming list of decisions, a friend provided a simple gesture of kindness, by bringing over a few bags of groceries, which became more than just practical help. It was a reminder that even in the darkest moments, acts of kindness can help carry us forward.
“It was some muffins, toilet paper, and paper towels, and stuff to stock a fridge with,” said Parker “And, I was like, this is amazing. It's just so helpful because it's not something anybody would ever think of asking for.”
As Parker navigated the next several months, she felt increasingly isolated. Everyone around her seemed to resume their normal lives, while she remained in a state of grief.
“I feel like society has a time limit on grief,” Parker said. “Like after a month, they think you should be done grieving.”
Parker slowly began to regain parts of herself back, but something was missing. It was not too long after that she went to her first (Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors) TAPS event.
TAPS offers comprehensive support and resources for military spouses who have lost their partner, including a national peer support network, grief counseling, and benefit assistance. TAPS also provides educational programs and events for survivors, and they advocate for policies that benefit Gold Star families (families that have lost a military service member while they’re actively serving).
Parker benefited from many TAPS events, but the one she attended in October 2022 focused solely on suicide loss, and it provided the deepest solace. Meeting women who understood her journey was pivotal to her healing. People who haven't lived through that kind of loss often try to empathize, but their understanding is incomplete.
“I felt really alone because there were so many emotions,” she said “I was so sad, and I was so angry—like, how could he do this to us? Was I not enough? Nobody other than my TAPS sisters understood. Other people in my life would literally come up to me and say, 'Kate, it's so good to see you doing so well. You have a smile on your face. I'm glad you're doing well.' But I wasn't great. I was breaking inside.”
Parker began working with members of the TAPS group to connect with others who had shared similar experiences. She felt compelled to give back the same protection and love that her fellow TAPS members had shown her during her time of need. Each event helped her heal while she extended the same support to her fellow survivors. Through sharing her experience with her husband's suicide, Parker came to understand that typical warning signs aren't always present in those who attempt or die by suicide. This insight was crucial in helping other military surviving spouses realize they weren't to blame for not recognizing the warning signs.
In the months leading up to her husband Mike’s passing, Parker remembered an undercurrent of hidden stress, even though Mike outwardly seemed content. "He had recently begun a new position as a chemistry instructor at the U.S. Air Force Academy where his cadets and peers adored him. He was often seen laughing, making jokes, and was known to walk through his peers' classrooms and make funny faces in the windows."
Mike's years-long depression seemed to be lifting in the months before his death, making his subsequent suicide particularly hard for Parker to understand and accept. Parker readily shares her story with fellow military members and other survivors. It helps her honor Mike's memory and raise awareness about suicide in the military community.
“I have no problem sharing about Mike’s death, because it brings awareness to it,” Parker recounted. “Mike didn’t exhibit the typical signs leading up to his death. He was very much like Robin Williams in a way. Robin Williams always smiled and made people laugh, and had the goofiest laughs, and that's how Mike was.”
In November 2023, Parker attended an event called Leap of Faith for Gold Star families in Raeford, North Carolina. Leap of Faith is a three-day healing seminar for families of fallen service members.
The participants learn to view grief differently and embrace their “new normal” in a way that honors the sacrifice of their family and their loved one. It includes a tandem skydive with the All-Veteran Parachute Team.
The Leap of Faith event dramatically shifted Parker's path to healing, allowing her to overcome the anger that had blocked her progress. At the event, she created strong, permanent connections with the other surviving spouses. Notably, tandem skydiving was a key component of this transformative experience.
“The idea behind jumping out of the airplane is you're supposed to let go,” she explained. “You write down something you are struggling to let go of, and when you’re up in the air, you let go of it. I brought a goofy picture of Mike. The look on his face, it's this big, goofy smile. I used that because this is the real face of suicide. Because, if you look at this picture, he looks happy and goofy; he was one of those people that just made it his job to make other people laugh."
With the wind rushing past and surrounded by supportive peers, Parker released Mike's picture during the jump, symbolically shedding the guilt and anger she felt for not seeing what she believed were hidden signs of his impending suicide. She has gradually started to reclaim the pieces of herself she lost on that April night. She remains actively involved in TAPS and continues to advocate for fellow survivors. Despite profound loss, she remains bubbly and energetic, tackling each new challenge in the Air Force Reserves with determination and embracing each day to the fullest.
| Date Taken: | 08.11.2025 |
| Date Posted: | 08.11.2025 19:20 |
| Story ID: | 545351 |
| Location: | JOINT BASE LEWIS-MCCHORD, WASHINGTON, US |
| Web Views: | 33 |
| Downloads: | 0 |
This work, Airman finds healing while supporting others through grief, by SSgt Brittney Korte, identified by DVIDS, must comply with the restrictions shown on https://www.dvidshub.net/about/copyright.
