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We’ve all seen it in some form on the big screen: a commanding officer in their service dress arriving at a door, it could only mean one thing. But this only occurs in the movies, there is no way it happens in real life. In an unexpected turn of events, I would soon be living the reality of my commander at my front door in their service dress.
It was late Thursday night; I had been sleeping for at least 30 minutes when the sound of the doorbell woke me. It must have been in my dream, there is no way anyone could be at my door this late in the night. Then came a knock, and this time I knew it was not a dream. In my confused state, I made my way to the door. I took a peek as to who could possibly be at the door, finding four faces. There standing on the other side: my first sergeant, their commander, my commander and the chaplain. So many questions and thoughts run through my mind: Is this a dream? This must be some kind of mistake. Why have they come to my door? In a mere matter of seconds I started asking myself the dreaded question, WHO? I finally opened the door, and once my question of “Who?” was answered, everything else became a blur.
How could they be gone? I had just spoken with them that very afternoon. I just wanted to wake up from the horrible dream, but the night was far from being over. It’s a hard reality at any age to receive news of a loved one passing. It’s harder when you must be the one to give the news, and that task fell on me twice that night. First, I was to be the one to make the phone call and deliver the news to their parents. Finally, I had to put the news into words that a 4-year-old could understand. But it was not the right time to disclose the manner of their parent’s death.
When we hear stories about suicide victims, it’s about the good they’ve done during their lifetime. Often we forget about the individuals they left behind. The ones who are left trying to piece together the story, and often wonder if there was anything they could have done to prevent it. The mothers and fathers that must remain strong for their child(ren), and don’t know how to do everything on their own. The child(ren) who may yet be too young to understand what might be happening and not know that this impacts the rest of their life. Life still continues for us, and we must establish ways to find our ‘new normal.’
In a room full of family and friends, I have never felt so alone. To everyone else I was just the ex and felt like I had no one by my side. But to my child, I was the most important, and only, person they needed by their side. Everything during the funeral service was overwhelming for them. The only thing my child wanted to do was go home.
Once we were able to go home, that is when our new normal was to begin. We were surrounded by the love and support that we desperately needed. We knew we had found our new family, and it was more than enough to get us started in facing the challenges that lie ahead. It has not been an easy road, and there are still many obstacles that we will continue to face. Looking back to how far I’ve come and all the many people who were there, I am forever grateful for our family that helped us along the way.
As a parent, all we want to do is shield our children from any danger or hurt that comes in this world. There are some circumstances that we cannot prevent, and in those cases, we stand by their side. Every decision I have made and action I have taken since that fateful day have been for my child. A day will come when my child will ask about the manner of their parent’s death. As much as it will hurt, I will be truthful. But I will also let them know of all the love and support they have on their side.
| Date Taken: | 09.16.2024 |
| Date Posted: | 09.16.2024 19:06 |
| Story ID: | 481025 |
| Location: | DAVIS-MONTHAN AIR FORCE BASE, ARIZONA, US |
| Web Views: | 19 |
| Downloads: | 0 |
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