Photo By Amber Martin | FORT CARSON, Colo. — Fort Carson spouses, Soldiers and Colorado pageant title...... read more read more
Editor’s note: The following story includes a detailed first-person account from Danette Haag. Her religious views do not necessarily reflect the views of Fort Carson or the U.S. Army.
By Amber Martin
Garrison Public Affairs Office
FORT CARSON, Colo. — “Flawless is really about beauty being so much more than just skin deep … today I want to show you what that really means and what that feels like to see your own true beauty,” said Danette Haag, inspirational speaker and Mrs. Colorado 2021, during a visit to Fort Carson Aug. 31, 2021.
Fort Carson spouses, Soldiers and Colorado pageant title holders gathered at the Chaplain Family Life Center to listen to Haag’s inspiring story about faith and resilience after a fire burned about 70% of her skin when she was 10 years old.
Cathy Howell, physical security specialist, Directorate of Emergency Services, and Mrs. Fort Carson, invited Haag to speak on post.
“I was inspired by her story, and as military spouses we go through a lot,” Howell said. “I asked her to come to Fort Carson because as military spouses we tend to put everybody else first. I thought her words would encourage some of our military spouses and Soldiers here on Fort Carson.”
Haag opened her program called “Flawless” by having each woman look at her reflection in the mirror and had them describe the first thought or word that came to mind. The descriptions that participants shared after viewing themselves included: tall, weathered, proud, weight, skin, shame and confusion.
“A lot of times we see ourselves in a way of how we fall short, how we are not good enough,” she said. “Have you ever felt today or in the past like you weren’t enough — not good enough, not strong enough, not healthy enough, not pretty enough?”
Life changing experience
Growing up in Iowa, Haag was a happy child who was well liked and popular in her school. However, a cold night in May 1981 changed her whole world. An odorless and undetectable gas leak from the basement furnace in her home had been seeping gas where her father and brother were, while she, her friends and mother were gathered up the stairs in the kitchen having a 4-H meeting. When her mother turned on the water to make coffee, the water heater ignited the fumes from the gas.
“A ferocious ball of flame took over and followed those fumes throughout the basement and up the steps into the kitchen, engulfing everything and everyone in its path, including my father, my little baby brother and me. It sounded like a freight train coming through, we heard it, and two seconds later it hit us.”
Haag described how the fire engulfed her from behind and leapt up toward the ceiling. She said the other girls at the kitchen table were also burned, but her father, brother and Haag received the worst of the burns.
“My hair was on fire, my body, my skin, my clothes were burning. I somehow found my way to our front door. Everything was dark and light all at the same time … I was engulfed in flames, and I had no idea where I was.”
She was rushed to the emergency room in a van along with her friends, father and brother. When she arrived, she was airlifted to the University of Iowa Hospital and Clinic’s burn center in critical condition.
“I was not expected to live, but I did,” Haag said. “That first fight was just surviving. I lived, but now what?”
Haag spent three months at the hospital’s burn center where she endured daily wound cleanings, dressing changes and numerous skin grafts. Between the ages of 10-20 she had 30 reconstructive surgeries.
Her experience in the tub room is a vivid and painful experience.
“It felt like wire brushes,” Haag said. “I would stare at the water, and I knew I couldn’t leave until the water turned pink.”
When her journey to recovering in the hospital came to a close, she learned that to be released from the hospital she would have to look at her reflection in a mirror. Haag said at this point, she would have rather gone back to the tub room than see her new reflection.
As she stared into the mirror, Haag said she realized that everything about her appearance had changed, including the sparkle and light in her eyes and her feelings of hope and joy.
“How does a child or anyone pick up the pieces after a trauma like this and heal? I was constantly picking up pieces and constantly picking up pieces,” Haag said.
Journey toward healing
As part of her healing process, she wore pressure garments, face masks and splints all over her body. She endured a lot of staring, teasing and being treating differently throughout her life.
On one occasion, when she was a child on vacation with her family, she recalled a young boy and his mother pointing at her saying, “that’s why you don’t play with matches.”
The trauma and pain she felt from what others would say about her appearance and her inner dialogue about herself caused her to lean on different coping mechanisms, including corrective cosmetics, makeup and covering up by wearing long sleeves.
“I tried a lot of things that I think a lot of people try to cope with hard stuff in life. I tried pretending,” Haag said. “Pretending got me through the day. Sometimes we just have to do that, but the thing is I couldn’t convince myself I was OK by pretending. I knew the truth.”
For decades she used makeup as a crutch to help her feel strong and get through her day. She said she wouldn’t let her husband see her without makeup on, and she also wouldn’t mow the lawn, go for a run or answer the front door to her house.
“My obsessive need to wear that faux makeup all the time wasn’t the answer to coping to my injury either,” she added. “It did help me get through the day, but I wanted to tackle that shame and that fear.”
Having faith
A large part of her journey was finding and leaning on her faith through the hard times. She was raised in the church and was taught by her parents how to use her faith both in and outside the church.
“God has been around every corner of my life, and I am so grateful for that seed of faith that my parents planted in me,” Haag said. “That belief in something bigger than what I am has saved me in so many moments and pushed me to my own greatness.”
A defining moment for Haag came when she was 35 years old. She was at home waiting for her two young sons to return from school when she decided to bake them something but didn’t have any eggs. She only had enough time to run to the store and grab what she needed before her sons would return home.
When she arrived in the parking lot of the store, she recalled catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror and realized she didn’t have any makeup on. Her first gut reaction was to run home and cover up her scars, but she said she had been praying about her shame and fear.
“I took a big, deep breath, and (thought), I have been praying for this very thing. Careful what you pray for,” Haag said. “I thought, OK God, if I can go in the store without my makeup on maybe it will help me start dealing with this fear.”
Haag went into the store with no makeup on and purchased what she needed. She said when she got back to her car, she realized that nobody stared at her, and her world didn’t fall apart. She had faced a fear that had previously debilitated her, and she felt free.
Since that day, she has tackled similar situations numerous times, and while it is still scary for her, it doesn’t take her power away anymore.
“The greatest coping mechanism in my journey was my faith — because it works,” Haag said. “We each have a different personal but equally powerful definition of faith. I’m not talking about exactly my religion … I’m talking about my daily walk with my faith. I want to encourage you to find yours and grow yours and use it every moment of every day. I wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for my faith.”
True beauty
The impact of her life story left several listeners in the audience in tears. Christy Hinton, Fort Carson spouse, said she felt a connection to Haag’s story because she has also had to rely on her faith and find strength within herself.
“When I feel, truth I cry,” Hinton said. “Military life is not easy in any way. Having to persevere through difficulties or challenging times can be a great bonding point for people, but also helps us learn how strong we truly are because we’ve had to do things that — we didn’t think we could do.”
After Haag’s story, she asked participants to look in the mirror again and describe what they saw. This time participants described themselves as survivors, brave, capable and radiant. She also shared with them her definition of flawless.
“It’s the indescribable true beauty gained from difficult experiences,” Haag said. “The scars acquired along the way bring wisdom, strength and spiritual growth. An immense value, which makes us priceless and thankfully never perfect.”
Pfc. Diamond Calloway, religious affairs specialist, U.S. Army Garrison Fort Carson, said she has always been strong in her faith, but Haag’s words were a reminder to view herself not as others see her but as God sees her.
“There’s nothing too broken that can’t be fixed,” Calloway said. “Even if you’re at your lowest, there is always healing that comes after that. Especially being in the military, people go through depression and all sorts of things. Me, being a chaplain’s assistant, I hear the stories, and it just takes an encouraging word and a reminder that you can get through it.”
Haag said she was honored to speak at Fort Carson and can only imagine the fears Soldiers and Families face. Her message acknowledges that everybody has fears and scars to heal from, but it’s important to love yourself.
“Always remember to love who you are and honor your journey. Don’t be afraid to shine who you are,” Haag said. “I think the more people can truly, really love themselves and move forward (knowing we) have value, we can live our purpose and contribute more to the world around us.”
| Date Taken: | 08.31.2021 |
| Date Posted: | 10.22.2021 12:24 |
| Story ID: | 407804 |
| Location: | US |
| Web Views: | 35 |
| Downloads: | 0 |
This work, Find faith, beauty within: Mrs. Colorado inspires community, by Amber Martin, identified by DVIDS, must comply with the restrictions shown on https://www.dvidshub.net/about/copyright.
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