The Pain They Carried

Photo By Sgt. Kelsey Simmons | Courtney Smith, a former service member, displays a photo of her husband, Brandon Selinsky (left) and his twin brother, Travis (right), Sep. 17, 2021, at Fort Carson, Colo. While in the service of the Army, both Brandon and Travis committed suicide, just a year and a half apart from each other. (U.S. Army photo by Cpl. Kelsey Simmons)  

FORT CARSON, COLORADO, UNITED STATES

09.24.2021

Story by Spc. Kelsey Simmons 

4th Infantry Division Public Affairs Office

Brandon and Travis Selinsky came into this world together only a few minutes apart. Nearly 30 years later, they left it-- this time a year and a half apart.
Although both brothers were U.S. Army service members and had been on multiple deployments, it was not the combat engagements that ended their lives. Rather, it was the guilt and psychological damage that culminated throughout the years after.
Travis and Brandon were born in Phoenix, and grew up in Prescott Valley, Ariz. Growing up as identical twins, they shared a close relationship that only people who inhabited a womb together could understand.
Travis, the eldest of the twins, was known to be quieter and more reserved than his brother.
“He was quite the ladies’ man,” said Cassie Bertella, the twins’ older sister. “They loved him. It wasn’t just that he was handsome, but I think it was also his sweet and caring demeanor. Family was everything to him.”
Staying true to the common trope of identical twins having completely opposite personalities, Cassie characterized Brandon as a wild and crazy showman.
“He loved karaoke, but he couldn’t sing to save his life,” said Courtney Smith, a former service member as well as the widow of Brandon and sister-in-law of Travis. “He often couldn’t remember the words to the songs, but he was super confident about it. He was a fun-loving guy who was always joking around and happy. He had a bright smile, and he always wanted to make other people smile. Everyone loved being around him.”
Not only did the brothers have opposing personalities, they also enjoyed contrasting recreational activities. Brandon’s cheerful disposition reflected his love for the sunny outdoors. He enjoyed spending his time hiking, fishing, running and working on his car.
“You could definitely tell that he enjoyed life a lot,” Courtney said. “It was always an adventure when we were together.”
While Brandon spent his recreational time exploring the world’s terrain, his brother preferred colder environments and water-based activities, such as paddleboarding, surfboarding and snowboarding.
Given their active lifestyles, it was no surprise that both brothers enlisted into the Army. Travis joined first, signing up as an infantryman as soon as he turned 18 years old in 2008. Four years later, Brandon followed in his brother’s footsteps and enlisted as a vehicle all-wheel mechanic.
As an infantryman, Travis deployed many times throughout his military career. After many years, Travis decided that he had seen enough bloodshed and lost too many of his friends to combat, so he changed paths and became a recruiter instead.
“Travis was dealing with a lot of personal things, like combat-related Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and ‘survivor’s guilt,’” Courtney said.
He was stationed in Hawaii-- a place where he could do all of the water-based activities that he loved. Unfortunately, even the sandy beaches and beautiful sunsets of a Hawaiian paradise weren’t enough to keep his mind off of his fallen comrades.
“Travis was the epitome of the American Soldier,” Cassie said. “He loved it. I think that is why he suffered so much with the guilt and pain of the loss of his brothers-in-arms. He had a sleeve full of memorial tattoos on both of his arms.”
In February 2017, Travis was the first of the Selinskey twins to commit suicide.
Unfortunately, time does not pause after a loved one passes. Amidst the chaos and heartache of Travis’ sudden death, Brandon and Courtney still had responsibilities to attend to, such as attending the Senior Leadership Course and trying to get promoted to the E-6 rank of staff sergeant.
“We made it a competition to see who could get promoted first since we were both E-5’s,” she said. “We went to SLC in two different brigades, so we were in two different hotels about two miles from each other.”
According to Courtney, Brandon had a difficult time coping with his twin's sudden death. She believed that the added pressure of SLC and living in a hotel alone was too much to handle for him.
“We never really slowed down enough to process any of it,” she said.
Three nights before their graduation, Courtney got a phone call from a detective telling her to get to Brandon’s hotel as soon as possible.
Once she arrived, a few of her and Brandon’s friends from class were already there, waiting outside his hotel room. When they saw her, they passed the horrible news that Brandon had committed suicide.
“Of course, I didn’t believe them,” Courtney said. “Then I saw one of our really good friends, Steven. When he told me, that’s when I finally believed it was true.”
Police wouldn’t allow her into the room, but she watched in agony as the gurney carried her husband away to the coroner’s van-- hidden from her eyes by a white blanket covering his lifeless body-- leaving her alone with her grief.
Courtney said she wishes her husband would have reached out, and that she’s occasionally put the blame on herself for not recognizing it.
“I was devastated, and I still am,” said Cassie. “I can look at pictures of them, but I still can’t watch a video or hear their voices. It’s too tragic and heartbreaking to grasp that we could let this happen, not once, but twice. We failed them. The pain they carried is now left with us to have.”
After 16 years of service, Courtney has now been out of the military since March 2021. Now that she’s transitioned into life as a civilian, she said she wants to contribute more to the Gold Star Family program at Fort Carson, Colorado.
“I want to get more involved,” she said. “I know they do different fundraisers and have support groups. I think the support groups really help families with lost loved ones because it shows them that they’re not alone and that they have someone else around who knows what they went through.”
If there was any message that Courtney could pass on to Brandon, Travis or anyone else who’s considering taking their life, she said it would be to reach out and know that they aren’t alone.
“There are other people out there who are probably going through the same thing, or at least have similar feelings,” she said. “Just reach out to someone. It doesn’t necessarily have to be Behavioral Health, but still talk to somebody. There’s someone out there who loves you, cares about you and would do anything they can to help you.”
If you or someone you know needs help please call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 or Text to 838255 to get Help NOW.

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• Date Taken: 09.24.2021
• Date Posted: 09.26.2021 09:21
• Story ID: 406041
• Location: FORT CARSON, COLORADO, US
• Hometown: PHOENIX, ARIZONA, US
• Hometown: PRESCOTT VALLEY, ARIZONA, US