What if it’s not happily ever after?

AVIANO AIR BASE, ITALY

11.22.2016

Story by Senior Airman Chandler Baker 

31st Fighter Wing

My story is about that relationship. Buckle up, hang on, because we’re going on a bumpy ride.



I met my girlfriend at our technical school, the Defense Information School at Fort Meade, Maryland. We knew each other for almost a year before we started dating. I’m stationed overseas; she’s stationed in the states.



Yes, a technical school romance, I know.



When we first met she told me she was from my home state of New Hampshire. I immediately hugged her because I hadn’t met anyone from there in a long time. Even after I left for Aviano, we kept talking.



One night, I got a call from work telling me to come in. I let her know I wouldn’t be able to contact her for a while, so I told her “Ti amo,” I love you in Italian.



Overcome with emotion, she said “I love you” back for the first time. Worlds apart yet in love.



She visited me in Italy about five months after that conversation. I gave her the grand tour of the base and introduced her to my coworkers, friends and church. During the trip, we traveled around Italy and fell more in love. I took her to Venice and we of course took a romantic gondola ride.



I’ve been in relationships before, but up to that point nothing ever felt real. I felt like she was the one. But it didn’t last.



A month after the trip, we got in a small fight -- the last real conversation we had as a couple. Five days later she called to break up with me, and my happiness was instantly sucked out of the air. We had a long discussion where I tried to convince her to come back.



She said, “I need to do what’s best for me. I’m sorry,” and hung up the phone. I knew it was over. A feeling of emptiness filled me and I asked myself, “What’s next? Where do I go from here?”



The next day, I went into work noticeably sad. I’m usually a very energetic person, but that morning it was obvious that something was off. I knew I needed to change my attitude, but I didn’t know where to begin.



First, I reached out to my friend, Tia. I told her the story, and her response startled me.



“You can stop thinking about her anytime you want,” she said, “A part of you doesn’t want to. It’s that way with every break up. You want to think about it. You want to miss it. We don’t want to accept that it’s over.”



Her words helped open my eyes to why I was still attached. I needed to accept the change. Even after what Tia had told me, I still struggled. I reached out to another friend, Mika.



“Only a strong person builds people up the way you do,” Mika said. “When I thought I’d never get through tech school, you always showed me the bright side of things.”



A switch flipped in my head and I realized I could get through this.





After talking with my friends, I went to the base chapel to meet with Ch. (Col.) Donnette Boyd, former 31st Fighter Wing chaplain. I told her about my difficulty coping during the breakup and she reminded me I wasn’t alone.



“The worst part of our challenges can sometimes be the sense of loneliness and isolation that we feel,” said Boyd. “Spiritual resiliency is about reaching out for strength in our times of weakness. Whether you reach out to your higher power or others, it’s important to know you’re not alone.”



Hearing that helped me immensely, but I felt like something was still missing.



I did my best during work and unit physical training, but outside of work hours I was very lazy and unmotivated. I decided to make a change. With the help of my coworkers, Senior Airmen Austin Harvill and Lance Valencia, I started lifting weights at the gym.



“No one can take your personal health away from you,” said Harvill, “Physical fitness is probably one of the most direct ways to improve your overall health. The results are felt and seen.”



Between my friends, chaplain and physical fitness, I realized I’d focused on improving all four domains of Comprehensive Airman Fitness to improve my life.



You can be socially fit by being a good wingman and having good wingmen around you. You can be mentally fit by making the right choices and having a positive mindset. You can be spiritually fit by knowing you do have a purpose and things will get better. You can be physically fit by putting in the hard work it takes to keep your body in good shape.



There are great resources out there to help you if you start to feel hopeless. Your Airman and Family Readiness Center, mental health and chapel are just a few.



I used every resource available to me to overcome the feeling of emptiness inside. And, I have successfully moved on.

• Date Taken: 11.22.2016
• Date Posted: 11.23.2016 04:11
• Story ID: 215681
• Location: AVIANO AIR BASE, IT
• Hometown: DEERING, NH, US