Maintaining strong marriages requires work, patience, teamwork

By Chaplain (Lt. Col.) James Carter
Multi-National Division - Baghdad and 4th Inf. Div. Chaplain

BAGHDAD - As Soldiers serving in combat, we're all separated from our loved ones.

Absence does not always make the heart grow fonder unless we work to keep our marriage and family relationships strong. Maintaining a healthy and vibrant marriage involves many things.

I would like to share five important components to strong marriage and encourage you to invest in your marriage. You are either making a deposit or withdrawal into your relationship – take the time this week to make a deposit. You will enjoy a great return on your investment.

Here are five major characteristics of a strong marriage. I call them the five "C's" of a great marriage.

Communication: It is important that you communicate. Talking with one another is crucial. But just as crucial is what you communicate.

Are you sharing the problems of the day? Are you always complaining about the separation or other matters? Or do you spend time listening to your sweetheart and working toward marital goals and encouraging one another?

Working together through issues and reading books together are ways to keep communication lines open and strong. Reading children's books aloud and recording yourself on a DVD or VCD is another good way to stay connected to your children.

It is so important that you remember to invest and take the time to call, email or write you loved ones in order to enhance communication.

Commitment: It is important to also remember your commitment and covenant you made to your sweetheart.

A covenant is important as it is your oath and pledge to your spouse and God. It builds trust, and trust builds unity and closeness in a marriage.

When you know your spouse – no matter of location – has your best interest at heart, then you will be motivated beyond belief to continue to invest in your relationship.

Cherish: It is also important to cherish one another. When you communicate with your spouse, do you praise her for the good things she is doing? Do you remind her what you miss about her?
Do not forget that little things can be so meaningful. A small basket of flowers delivered to a classroom where your wife works goes a long way in letting her know you remember her birthday or anniversary. She wants to feel cherished and appreciated.

Compromise: Sometimes it is important to compromise. Perhaps you came to Iraq with notions of how your money would be spent while you were here.

Maybe you have specific goals, such as maximizing your savings deposit program contribution within a specific time frame. But what happens when the unexpected happens? Family financial issues must be discussed together and compromise is important. Strong couples learn how to negotiate through issues.

Church: The last "C" of a great marriage is church. A marriage that prays together stays together. Our Lord loves his bride the church. Spending time praying for your spouse builds intimacy and closeness. It bonds your spirits and strengthens family relationships.

I would encourage you to share a devotional with your spouse and kids during this deployment. Spiritual growth and faith builds the foundation of the home and will give you the power to endure hard times like a deployment.

May God bless you and your family as you work together to build a strong relationship.